Memoir Snippets

I am an aspiring writer, as you probably already know. So I've decided to post some of my writing on this blog. I thought it might be fun to share some of my memoir snippets. Here's the first installment:

Clouds and Earth

My husband and I are very different. Don't get me wrong, we have many things in common. We are both determined, hard-headed, and completely in love with each other. We enjoy being together as much as possible. When the world says, "Why?" we say, "Why not?" However, in many ways, we are polar opposites.

Nic is driven by 'how can I make money' or to be more accurate and give him credit, 'how can I provide for my family'. He is made of logic, reality, common sense, and steel determination.

I am driven by dreams. I am made of unicorn breath, stardust, and magic fluff.

Recently, I resigned from my career of teaching, a path I chose with dreams of changing the world and making a difference (did I get paid? No matter...), to become a full-time dreamer (I am raising our son and keeping the house some-what under control on the side). These are some of my dreams:

I dream of being a famous author. I want to walk up to J.K. Rowling, as old chums do, and say, "Hey, J.K.! What do you know?" I want to sign something other than credit card slips at Barnes & Noble. I want to tour the world reading excerpts from my novels to adoring fans. I want to cry with Oprah as I read one of my more poignant excerpts. I want movie producers to ask me my opinion on who should play the lead role in the movie being made that is based on my book. Or if they don't want my opinion, I want to criticize their choices on my blog followed by thousands.

I dream of having an apple stand at the local farmer's market where I would sell fresh apples, rich apple cider, gooey caramel apples, sweet apple turnovers, and slices of delicious apple pie.

"But you're not a farmer and don't grow apples!" My husband points out.

"But I might someday! Can't you just imagine how yummy it would be?"

"So do you want to do this to make money or for fun? Never mind, I already know the answer!"

I dream of opening my very own restaurant, 'Around the World in One Meal'. The tables would be painted to look like the world. The servers would wear costumes from various cultures, and they would learn a handful of phrases in different languages. We would serve Italian, Chinese, Mexican, and American with specific head chefs for each specialty. One weekends, we will have live performances--fire throwers, hula dancers, mariachi bands, Irish step-dancers...it will be amazing! Bring your family!

"And you're going to make money with this, right?" He hesitates to ask.

"Uh...sure...we'll charge people to eat there."

To give my husband credit, he is no dream squasher. He is my scientist designing a rocket to reach my stars; he is my architect building a tower to my clouds. When I say that I want to be a professional horseshoe competitor and travel the horse shoe circuit, he's out in the backyard measuring to build a horse shoe pit so that I can practice. Nevermind I haven't ever really played a true game of horse shoe!

We certainly are opposites. I am his clouds to shade him from the scorching sunshine of reality; he is my earth with his gravitational pull that keeps me from entirely floating away. We are clouds and earth together. And we make a good pair, my husband and me.

The REAL second day before Christmas...

On the Tuesday before Christmas, I went to a Relief Society activity and had a great time. There was good food and a super cute program. I was sitting at a table with friends, one of them being my friend, Jennifer. Let it be noted, that I have always looked up to Jennifer. She is so amazing in everything she does. I had the opportunity to serve with her as one of her counselors in the Primary presidency for a few years. She has to be one of the purest, kindest people out there. Currently, she is very pregnant with her fifth child. Let it also be noted that I love her family to death and if the church ever needed a poster family, this family would be it! Anyway, as I was sitting at the table socializing, I was also thinking how happy I was for her. Then, out of nowhere, the thought popped into my head, "I think I'm pregnant." I quickly dismissed the idea, but when I got home from the activity, I checked my calendar and started doing some counting. As luck would have it, I had not recorded the day of my last cycle, which is unusual because I generally know the exact date and have it marked on my calendar. (I know, I know--I'm obsessive! Old habits are hard to break...) Anyway, I counted from various possible dates and no matter what date I plugged in, I was late. I wasn't about to be pulled into this same-old trap, so I decided to wait until Thursday to do a pregnancy test. The time from Tuesday night to Thursday seemed to drag and was full of moments where I thought I was starting my period but was wrong. Wednesday night I told Nic that I needed to run to the store for some feminine hygiene products. He never asks questions when I use those terms! Thursday morning I did the test. Later that afternoon I did another test, and...I'M PREGNANT! Picture me doing triple axles/cart wheels/plies & swirls in the air. Can it be possible? I am in total shock! I have my first doctor appointment on January 10th. Here's how I told Nic: There was no way I was going to make it to Christmas with such news, so I asked Nic if I could give him a present early. He had no idea what was coming! I put the pregnancy test in a little gift box and then wrapped it. I think he was expecting/hoping for something sexy like lingerie or at least something for his Jeep. Boy, did I surprise him! I think he may have stopped breathing for a minute or two! Now we are both walking around in shock. I can't believe we are on this road again. I am so excited. Our very own Christmas miracle!

Merry Christmas!

What a wonderful day! Sam is not at the age of knowing that he has to get up at the crack of dawn to see what Santa brought, so we were able to sleep-in almost to 8:00 a.m. I think Sam was most excited that he woke up to find Nanny Man, Uncle J, daddy, and mommy all in the same room as him. That was his favorite Christmas present! Though don't let that deceive you that the little guy didn't get a ton of awesome presents. He made out like a bandit! He is one loved kid! Though I can't say I had a rough Christmas myself. Poor Nic. I kept ruining his best Christmas gift ideas (with winning the Kindle and all), but he managed to come up with a winner--a new video camera! Yay! I'm so excited to get those family movies rollin'! I surprised Nic with a couple of presents, including a scrapbook I made of Gimli. It had us all crying when Nic opened it. Such a good dog. We really miss him. It was fun to put the book together though and remember all the good times with good ol' Gimli.
We had so much fun with my family and then the fun continued with Nic's family. Pretty much I ate all day long which is okay on Christmas. I don't know that I'll ever be able to move again! Everything has been such a whirlwind of fun with family and friends. It's kind of sad to think that Christmas has now come and gone. But then again, it is also nice to think about getting back to routines again (though I don't think I'm very excited to dive into the get our house in order project).
Well, I'm ready for bed. Again, what a wonderful time of year! I love Christmas! I hope all my family and friends had a wonderful Christmas. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

On the first day before Christmas (a.k.a. Christmas Eve)

Well, the big man in red comes tonight. I can't believe Christmas is already here! Today has been a great day. We've been out and about pretty much all day. We started in the morning delivering goodies and presents. Then we had my extended family party. It was funny because Santa, being really busy tonight, wasn't able to make it to the party but he left a note asking if the person who is almost the same age as him (my dad) would be his helper. So my dad gave everyone their gifts. It was all good except for Santa's helper told me that I had gained some weight since last Christmas! Stinker! =) Afterward, we went to my Aunt Tina's house and my Uncle Jerry came to visit also. I just love how close my extended family is! I never realized that not all families are like mine where we are good friends and like to visit each other whenever we can. Then we crammed into my parent's mini-van and went driving around g-ville to look at the Christmas lights. Now we're just changing into our new pajamas that Santa left for us and heading to bed. It is about time...I'm exhausted! And tomorrow is going to be just as busy! I love this time of year!! Merry Christmas everyone!

On the second day before Christmas...

Tonight we are currently bowling with nic's family so once again I am blogging on his phone. Let's just say I'm not the world's best bowler. But it is fun to be with family. I think I'm actually tied with my six year old nephew (and that's only because I let Sam help me bowl)! Oh well, I guess I can't be good at everything...just kidding!

On the third day before Christmas...

Tonight for our Young Women's activity, the girls came over to my house, and we attempted to make faux gingerbread houses. I say 'faux' because we used graham crackers. I say 'attempted' because it is not as easy as it seems. Didn't we make graham cracker houses in elementary school? Why could I do it then and not now? It is a Christmas mystery!
I would post pictures of all of these amazing things that I'm blogging about but my computer is having some issues. My Mac has been having some issues (not because it is a Mac--I'm a Mac girl true blue--but because it has had a long, hard life). My Mac has played hard and worked hard for many years. Well, one of the things we needed to do was to update everything. Nic's phone wouldn't sync anymore, and he can't get his apps to work, so we decided updating my computer would be a Christmas present for him (kind of like Homer's bowling ball that had Homer written on it that he gave to Marge as a present). We decided to take the computer in to the Apple store (to me, Disneyland; to nic, the place of fire and brimstone) and just have them install and update everything. This was last Friday. Well, it turned out to be a little more of a challenge than anticipated. Problem #1: My memory is shot. How did I use up all of my memory, especially because I have most things saved on an external drive? I have video files that are 125 GB for one file. It is insanity! All of my little projects apparently take up a lot of room. I wonder if Spielberg has these problems?! Problem #2: Some things installed correctly. Some did not. Iphoto would be the not, and thus I can't upload pictures from my camera right now. I'll fix it in the morning. Oh, and I transferred my Itunes library over to my external drive and followed the instructions that the Mac guy gave me, but it isn't working like he said it would. I'll live--I just need to figure out everything on my computer again! Problem #3: My video card is dying. Apparently with Mac computers, everything is part of the motherboard, so if one thing goes, it all goes. Basically, the Mac guy told me that my computer doesn't have much longer to live. I almost cried in the store. The new $2000 Mac might cheer me up someday, but for now, I'm going to spend as much quality time with my good ol' Mac as I can. So there you have it--a very long explanation for why I have no pictures posted! =)

On the fourth day before Christmas...

Well, it's almost here--the big day! I'm really close to being ready, closer than I've ever been (though that's not saying much for a girl who is usually doing all of her shopping on Christmas Eve)! Today poor Nic has been sick. He's got a cold or flu or something. All I know is that he sounds like Darth Vader and looks a little like Yoda. =) Hopefully a little soup and OJ will get him back on his feet soon, and, even more hopefully, none of the rest of us will get the bug too!
I've noticed in other posts that I talk a lot about starting traditions, so I've decided that I should include some of my favorite Christmas traditions too.
First, here is a recap of some of the new traditions that I would like to keep going:
1. Making treats with my sister.
2. Going to the Messiah. (We went this year, and even Nic was inspired!)
3. Getting a new ornament every year for Sam that will hold a special memory for him.
4. Going to Temple Square to see the lights. I wouldn't say this is a new tradition, but we don't always make it. Christmas just isn't the same on the years.
5. Going to the Christmas sing-along.
6. I think I want to do something with Sam some day (and myself and Nic) where we take one of our gifts from Christmas and give it to someone in need. Or maybe after we make our Christmas list for Santa, Santa gets to choose one of the items that will go to someone in need. I'm still thinking on this one on how to make it work well to help Sam learn about giving.

Now, for some of my favorite traditions:
Every Christmas Eve we go to my side of the family's Christmas party. Afterward, we go to my parent's house and spend the night. One of our traditions is to pile into one car and drive around to look at Christmas lights. Nic mentioned this tradition the other night as one of his favorite memories when we were dating because it made him really feel like a part of the family (you couldn't feel otherwise when you have someones elbow in your nose and their rump crushing your leg to sleep!). On the outskirts of town, this family sets up hundreds of luminarias (candles in paper bags) and a nativity scene. It is awesome to drive through it!
Last year, none of us were really feeling like going. We were being lazy, and Nanny Man (our usual motivator in all things good) was on her mission. Well, just when we were about to cave in and not go to see the lights, Nic said, "Manda would have us go if she were here. Let's do it for the Man!" And we went. And we had a good time.
Another favorite memory that we love to bring up every year and laugh about was when Nic and I were either first married or about to get married. We were out looking at the lights, and my mom was driving the van. Well, as sometimes happens in a small, redneck town, someone had taken the reindeer at one of the houses and put them in inappropriate positions. Suddenly, my mom (who is apparently blind and shouldn't be driving) turns the car so the headlights are shining right on the naughty reindeer for all to see and shouts out, "Look at the cowboy! How cute!" We were all laughing too hard to really say anything. Finally, Nic was able to pull himself together enough to say, "Mom, you should go stand by the cowboy and we'll get your picture!" Unfortunately, she had figured things out by then and opted out of the picture!
Christmas Eve we all spend the night and all the kids and dogs squish into the same room. I remember one year Jason was all upset to wake up and find himself spooning with Gimli! We even did this last year with a newborn, Nic and Me, Jason, Tinkerbelle, Gimli, and Gus--all in the same room. We'll be happy to have Nanny Manda home this year and Gimli will be missed.
Santa always brings everyone new jammies, so we unwrap our jammies, change, and then do a modeling show.
Christmas morning we go sing to grandpa and grandma to wake them up and then open our presents. And then even though we're already tuckered out, the day has just begun and we head off to our other grandma and grandpa for more Christmas celebrations. Grandma J has continuous food for us all day, and we usually open presents and then watch/snooze through whatever new movies anyone has got for Christmas.
Usually the boys get some toy or other (like marshmallow guns, remote control cars, Nerf guns, etc.) that we have to play with. I remember one year, we had a major marshmallow war and grandma was still finding marshmallows in February!
We have so much fun each year. I'm excited to see how Sam does with everything now that he's a little older than a few weeks!

On the fifth day before Christmas...

So who makes a goal to post EVERYDAY this close to Christmas? What was I thinking? It has actually been nice to write about our comings and goings this busy holiday season; I've just found myself doing a lot of late night, drowsy blogging.
Tonight we went to the Christmas Sing-a-long that the Larry H. Miller family hosts at the Energy Solutions arena. It was actually really neat. It was almost a packed (that's a lot of people!), and everyone seemed in cheerful spirits. We went with Nic's family and had a good time together. There was an orchestra playing as we sang along. To hear an entire stadium singing Christmas songs together was really cool. We sang everything from Joy to the World to Frosty the Snowman. Jon Schmidt (?) also performed. It always amazes me to watch someone who is passionate about what they do perform. I think this would be another fun tradition to start to doing each year!
And now I am off to bed. I feel bad because I feel like this post sounds a little sub-par, but I'm tired, so it will have to do for now.

On the sixth day before Christmas...

Today I was asked to share at church a Christmas poem that I wrote, so I thought for my post today, I would just share that with you. Hope you enjoy!

Kissing The Face of God - © 2001 Morgan Weistling

Mary’s Prayer

Mary quietly watches her slumbering child;
She rests her face against His so mild.
She gently whispers against His cheek in love
And pleads for Him to her Father above,
“Father in Heaven, I pray to Thee tonight
To give thanks to Thee for all that is right,
To give thanks for this Child asleep in a manger;
Oh, how I thank Thee for this sweet little stranger.”
She softly leans over and kisses his brow,
“Dear Father, bless me to show Him how—
How to obey and Thy servant be,
And once He has learned, to help others to see.
Look at His feet and ten tiny toes!
Bless Him with kindness wherever He goes.
See how both of His small hands fit in mine;
Bless these hands to do Thy work divine.
His cheeks are so rosy, His eyes so bright;
Bless Him always with Thy guiding light.
See the sweet smile on His tender face;
Bless Him to teach others of Thy loving Grace.”
Mary pauses, a tear in her eye.
She cradles her baby and says with a sigh,
“Father, I know He will lead a hard life;
Already it is full of heartache and strife.
I don’t know what trials He will face,
But if I could I would take His place.
I can’t hold Him forever in these arms of mine,
But when I’m not there wilt Thou hold Him in thine?
When I’m not there to give Him my love,
Shine Thy love down from Thy courts above.
This dear babe is most precious to me,
But if Thou asketh, I give Him to Thee.”

On the seventh day before Christmas...

Busy morning preparations,
Football game with friends,
Big family party,
Tree decorating/tackling with family,
Laughing until my sides hurt,
Late night posting,
and off to bed for me!

Sorry for the short post. It has been a busy day. Better details later. For now, consider this a poetic post!

On the eighth day before Christmas...

Thoughts on parenting...
So every once-in-awhile I have these moments where I think, "I'm doing pretty good. I think I have this parenting thing down. We've made it this far and Sam is turning out pretty darn good..." These moments last for approximately five minutes at the most. Then along comes a new phase (current phase: screaming and tantrums), a new issue, a new tooth (molars)...you name it, and suddenly I find myself, once again, trying to get my head above the water in the sea of What-do-I-do-now-I-have-no-idea-what-I-am-doing. I am grateful for those brief moments of calm and assurance, and I am very grateful for parenting books and Google. (In all seriousness, I am very grateful for a patient and loving Heavenly Father. I can't imagine trying to figure all of this out without prayer and the Spirit!)

By the way, some day I am going to write a book entitled, Everything I Needed to Know about Parenting, I Learned at Obedience School. It will be a bestseller...

Sam's Santa Experience

Sam is a fairly friendly kid. He likes most everyone. We didn't think he would have a problem with Santa Claus, especially because Santa looks a lot like his Papa J. Picture Porter Rockwell, and you've got a good idea of what Sam's Papa J looks like. Well, apparently we were wrong with our assumptions. These pictures are from the ward Christmas party last weekend...
Instant Not-Happy...


Still not happy..."How could you do this to me?"


Not breathing...


Still not breathing...
And still not breathing...
Santa: "Perhaps you want to take your son before he passes out from lack of oxygen?"

I was laughing so hard. I will admit that there was a slight maternal instinct to save my baby, but this instinct was overridden by my laughing so hard my sides hurt.

On the ninth day before Christmas...

I almost forgot to do a post today. Good thing for husbands to keep a girl on track! Today has been a really fun day. My mom and my Aunt Tina have this tradition where they get together every year and make Christmas candy to send out to their brothers. So Manda and I decided that we want to start a tradition like that too. Well, except for the send the goodies out thing...we decided it would be fun to make yummy treats and EAT yummy treats! Maybe we'll share, but I wouldn't put money on it. We made Martha Washington Balls (a southern treat that is easy to make and ta-asty!), we attempted to make English toffee (not for beginners, even if the recipe says that it is super easy...), and sugar cookies. It was so much fun hanging out with my sister. We chatted for hours and laughed so hard. We're saying that Sam decorated the cookies...that's our story and we're sticking to it.
Also today, we had the opportunity to have dinner with six couples from our ward. The two older couples hosted the get-together and are just such gracious and welcoming people. We had a great time getting to know different people, and happily, Sam didn't destroy the house! For the wiggle worm that he is, he actually did a really good job. Everyone just loves that kid! Sometimes I think that if we could send babies out as missionaries, we would really get the gospel to people. I love how Sam just accepts people and gives them love without hesitation (well, except for Santa the other day; there was no love there).
After dinner tonight (which was delicious!), we shared some memorable Christmases with everyone. I remembered how after Grandma Medina passed away, that first Christmas without her, my Aunt Tina found this shoe box with a bunch of Christmas cards for all the grandkids. Each card had a little 'love you from Grandma Ida' and a two dollar bill. It was just what I needed that year--to know that grandma was still there for me. It reminded me of the really important things in life--family. I'm so grateful that the Savior came for us and made it possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father and to be with our families for forever!

On the tenth day before Christmas...

What?! There are only ten days until Christmas? Let the get-everything-done-run-around-like-a-headless-chicken frenzy begin! It is tradition, after all.
Tonight I went to visit widows and widowers for our mutual activity. We live in an older ward that includes a retirement community, so there are few youth but plenty of grandparents. We had over sixty people to visit tonight, so we broke into groups. My group consisted of two young women and one other leader. We had eleven people to visit and had a great time. Tonight's experience reminded me of two things:
1. There are so many AMAZING people all around me. I am constantly awed by the kindness, the wisdom, the accomplishments, the spirituality, and strength of the people in my ward. Our ward isn't perfect, but I feel truly blessed to be in this ward right now. One of the women we visited tonight used to be a federal judge in Washington D.C. Of the first 100 women to pass the bar exam in Utah, she was number forty. Every time I meet someone new and hear their stories, I am just amazed. And Sam is so lucky to have so many 'grandparents'. It really feels like we have a community of people who care for and love our son, and that is greatly needed to raise a child in today's world.
2. Christmas can be so hard if your heart is hurting. When you are alone or feel lonely, it seems like Christmas just seems to accentuate that hurt. (Let it be noted that I can hardly get through Mr. Kruger's Christmas. That show is heart wrenching to me!) I know Christmas is a time of cheer and joy, but it can also be a time of heart ache if what you want most doesn't fit under a Christmas tree or can't be wrapped in shiny paper with a bow on top. I also remember how hard it was when I was struggling with infertility...all those songs about baby Jesus and lullabies, and my heart would break that I would never have the opportunity to be a mother. It sounds silly to me now, but I remember some Christmas songs would break me down to tears. I hope that I can be more mindful, not just during this season, but throughout the year of the struggles and hurts of others. I think that remembering the real reason for the season, that because Jesus came to this earth in a stable, no crib for his bed, for us to have joy, then we can find hope and comfort in struggles and in holidays.

On the eleventh day before Christmas...

In order to keep my goal of posting every day for the twelve days before christmas, I am currently typing this post on my husband's I-phone. It is not as easy as it looks. :) Anyway, we are currently on our way to see the lights at temple square. I am so excited because sam has never been and hopefully this can be a tradition we continue.
...okay now we are on our way home. We had a great time with our friends clay, Jill, and Jill's kids. The lights were beautiful, the company was wonderful, and we topped it all off with a hot fudge sundae. I will try to add some pictures to this post tomorrow.

On the twelfth day before Christmas...

On the twelfth day before Christmas my true love gave to me...a kindle!! Yay!
Today I presented for the Jordan School District chapter of the International Reading Association. I did my presentation on Motivating the Unmotivated Reader that I've done at a couple of other conferences. One of my friends from the district office came to one of my presentations and asked if I would do it for the JCIRA, and I agreed. I actually enjoy presenting...it's like being a teacher again, and I get re-licensure points (I'm trying to keep my teaching licence up-to-date, just in case). Anyway, as part of an incentive to come to the workshop (as if hearing me present wasn't incentive enough! J.K.), they were raffling a Kindle and some books at the end of the workshop. Well, I had two tickets in the raffle and wasn't really expecting much because I NEVER win anything! Every raffle, lottery, gamble...no luck! I was just hoping for one of the picture books. So I was completely surprised when they called my name for the Kindle. I am so excited because I was sort of wanting one for Christmas. Granted, it will not replace or cure my addiction to purchasing books, but it will make reading on the go so much easier. I will no longer need to pack an extra suitcase of books! I really do take at least four or five books with me when I go on vacation (I have this fear of having some down time and no book). One person who was not as excited as me was my husband. Why? Because that it was he was planning to get for me for Christmas. He loves to spoil me, and it was part of big plan he had. He was going to get me a Nook. I told him to research and find out which is better and then give me the better of the two for Christmas, and it still totally counts as a present from him. I still can't believe it! I won a Kindle!!

Lessons on money management

So I gave the lesson today in Young Women's and the lesson was on being financially responsible. This is ironic for three reasons:
1. Money management is my most recent/never-ending stress. Just the other day I was having a slight money meltdown because I know the basic principles of money management, I think I understand the basic concepts, and yet I struggle to maintain a budget. I get so frustrated with myself. Sometimes I wonder if I should just take a class to learn Mandarin Chinese--it would be equally simple for my mind. Nic jokes that my bank statement is my kryptonite!
2. This goes along with #1--I have never been very good at money management. Again, I could give a lesson on basic conversation in Chinese that would equally tap into my expertise...
3. This is the second time I've given this lesson. It was about a year ago that I gave this exact lesson! Obviously, the Lord has us teach the lessons that we need to learn the most, and obviously, I haven't learned it yet!

A goal...

Coming soon...
For the 12 days of Christmas this year, I will post every single day. It will be amazing.
=)

Oh Shutterfly, oh Shutterfly, you're designs are oh so lovely...

Okay, most of you have heard me talk about Shutterfly. Well, let me say more...=)
First of all, it is that time of year when I should have already ordered my cards and sent them out as I resolved to do last year, but, as fate/habit has it every year, I will probably be sending out our Christmas cards on Christmas Eve...anyway, here's a preview of the amazing card that will soon (I hope, I hope) be hanging on your fridge:

Anyway, let me just put in a little plug for Shutterfly here. I have been working on a scrapbook on for Sam on Shutterfly and absolutely love it. They have tons of lay-outs and designs, and it has been really easy to maneuver through the process. Plus, it has been more cost-efficient and less time consuming than the crafty, scissors-fancy-paper-and-glue scrapbook. Here are some links to other products that I enjoy using:
Christmas photo cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo

holiday cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards

· photo calendars to http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars

birthday card to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/birthday-cards-stationery

Letting Go

Where to start? Things have been a little rough for our dog, Gimli, lately. A couple of months ago he started limping a little bit. It kept getting worse to the point where he wouldn't walk on his back leg at all. We took him to the vet and found out that he blew out his knee. I was so relieved because I had been reading on-line and everyone talked about hip cancer being common in big dogs. I was so happy it wasn't cancer. The vet told us that he could get surgery, but it was very costly. Ever since we almost lost Gimli a couple of years ago, we promised ourselves not to put him through anything like that again. At his age, it is also really risky to do any major surgeries, plus, last time we discovered (after a lot of bleeding and a blood transfusion) that he is a hemophyliac. This time surgery just wasn't the right answer for him. The vet gave him a prescription for doggie Ibprofen, and we decided to wait things out and see what happens. He hasn't been able to put any weight at all on his back leg but has gotten pretty good at hobbling around. We decided on criteria for making the big decision: 1. Was he in pain? 2. Could he go outside on his own to go to the bathroom? 3. Was he eating and drinking well? 4. Was he happy? Well, the medicine helped, and he hasn't really seemed to be in pain. But he can't get up any stairs, and so couldn't get in and out of the house on his own. He could walk though, so Hubs built him this awesome ramp up to the back door. Problem solved. But in the past few weeks, he's dropped a lot of weight. His collar and his skin just hang on him. And he doesn't get up very much at all. He used to rush to greet Hubs when he got home from work, but now he just stays on his bed. He struggles to get up more and more and lately he's had a few accidents in the house. I keep trying to tell myself that it's just a rough patch, and things will get better, but all the while Gimli is trying to tell us good-bye.
The past few months it has seemed like he has been training Gus and delegating a lot of his 'duties' to the puppy. He has started eating out of Gus' bowl and has given his bowl, the alpha bowl, to Gus. A few times I haven't been able to find him, only to discover him sleeping in the nursery with Sam. And the past week he just gives these looks that seem to say that it's okay to let go. But it is so hard. I know that he has had a good life and that he knows how much we love him. And he's been such a good dog. Well, more than a dog. He was our first boy. He is my best friend. When I think of all that he has helped me through, especially all the years of trying to start our family. So many times he would cuddle on the love sac with me while I cried. And when I was sick, he would be extra gentle when he would lie down next to me. He was my guardian. Whenever Hubs has to go out-of-town for work, he always tell Gimli, "Now you look after your momma for me." And Gimli does. He has always just been there. He went jeeping with us in Moab; he went rock crawling with us and even got to ride in Clay's bus once; he rode in parades; he went for walks; anyone who knows us well, knows Gimli. He is part of our family.
And now I just got off the phone and have set the date for the vet to come and put him down. No more denial. No more hoping to change fate. I was hoping we wouldn't have to make this decision, but I know that Gimli isn't happy. He has always been there for us, and now we need to be there for him.
Here's a song that Hubs had me listen to last night that feels like what Gimli has been trying to tell us:

If heaven was an hour, it would be twilight

When the fireflies start their dancin' on the lawn
And supper's on the stove and mamma's laughin'
And everybody's workin' day is done.

If heaven was a town, it would be my town
On a summer day in 1985
And everything I wanted was out there waiting
And everyone I loved was still alive.

Chorus:
Don't cry a tear for me now baby;
There comes a time we must all say goodbye;
And if that's what heaven's made of
You know I ain't afraid to die.

If heaven was a pie, it would be cherry
Cool and sweet and heavy on your tongue
And just one bite would satisfy your hunger
And there'd always be enough for everyone.

If heaven was a train it sure would be a fast one
That could take this weary traveler round the bend
And if heaven was a tear, it'd be my last one
And you'd be in my arms again.

Chorus:
Don't cry a tear for me now baby;
There comes a time we must all say goodbye;
And if that's what heaven's made of
You know I ain't afraid to die.

And here's a verse for Gimli:

If heaven had a dog, it would be Gimli
With his big heart so full of love;
And angels will care for him and play with him up above
Just until I can have him again with me.

Road Trip to Montana

Last week Hubs had to go to Montana for work and said, "You guys want to come?"
Uh, yeah! So we loaded up the car with Sam's ten suitcases and our one and headed off to the big sky country.
Highlight #1: Sam was an amazing road tripper! He slept when it was his nap time, and he babbled and played when it wasn't. He put a lot of hours in that old car seat and never really complained at all about it. He was so good the entire trip. Whose child is this anyway? =)
Highlight #2: Driving through Glacier and West Yellowstone during October is spectacular! The views were gorgeous. The weather was a little colder than home but pretty much blue skies and stunning the whole time. Sometimes I wanted to do my usual car snoring but it was too pretty to miss! (There are parts of Montana, however, that are a whole lot of nothin' and then it was okay to sleep! It was crazy to come out of Glacier and then half an hour later we're driving through the flatlands, with no mountain in sight.)
Highlight #3: Hotel life, need I say more? Sam and I could really get used to the hotel life. Breakfast buffet in the morning (a waffle and whatever else was being served + hot cocoa for me, bread, oatmeal, whatever from mommy's plate + apple juice for Sam), someone else cleaning our room and making the bed, swimming in the pool, lounging in bed watching cable TV, and then off to explore a new place--we loved it!
Highlight #4: Exploring new places--we were in Kalispelle for two days, Great Falls for one, and Bozeman for one day. Kalispell was definitely our favorite. We went for a long walk to the historical downtown part of Kalispell and strolled through the different shops. I bought a couple of books (of course). One of the books was a children's book about Jesus that is from the 1920's. I like old books! Sam got some toys (of course). And we had a good time. I also found my new hobby at one of the shops--mosaic art! Yay! I can't wait to try it!
Highlight #5: We were only a few hours away from Spokane, so we decided to drop in on Heidi and the kids. It was soooooo good to see them. We had dinner together and got to spend a couple of hours together, and then we had to get back on the road again. Hubs played barbies with the girls and later went into a gas station with princess stickers plastered all over him. Will and I talked cars (we both agree that the ferrari is one cool car!) and I got to play with play dough (a secret favorite pastime of mine).
Highlight/Lowlight/freak-mom-out-light #6: Sam's great escape--Heidi lives up in the mountains, and as we were driving down the winding road toward Spokane, suddenly Sam tugged on my hair and said, "Momma?" In all the good-byes, Nic had thought I had buckled Sam in his car seat, and I had thought Nic had done it. The result? Sam was riding free and easy, no seat belt or buckles to hold him back. The minute I realized that Sam was standing in his car seat and not buckled in, I freaked out. I was yelling for Nic to pull over immediately and Nic was trying to find a good spot to pull over. Meanwhile, Sam tipped over and was hanging upside down between the car seat and his stroller, laughing his head off. I didn't find it so funny at the time! Once we got Sam properly buckled in, Nic and I just kind of stared at each other in shock. Yes, we had become those parents! After we, mostly mommy, had settled down, we had to give the grandparents a call to share with them Sam's capers.

Updates

So here's an update on the Sam-sleep thing. That first night, as you recall, was two hours of crying. The next night was half an hour. The next night was forty minutes. Last night? Five minutes! What? Nic had just whispered, "That kid has some lungs, doesn't he?" I had just crawled into bed. Both us were hunkering down for another stretch of crying. And then there was silence. Nic thought maybe Sam had managed to make a rope out of his blankets and had escaped from the crib. I went to check on the kid to make sure he was alive. I found him lying down, snoring softly. Go figure. I have no idea what to expect tonight. Every day as a mother I am learning that you just never know.

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. "One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. "The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Egg shell moments

I once heard that when a chick hatches, it must break through the egg shell all by itself. While the shell may seem thin and easy to break to others, it is quite the struggle for a tiny, newborn chick. The mother bird doesn't help the bird to break through the shell because she knows that this process will help her little one develop needed muscles and strength. A farmer once thought he was helping by breaking away the shells of some chicks he had in an incubator, but, to his dismay, all of the chicks died soon after. Lesson to be learned: Our struggles make us stronger.
As a mother, I am often asking myself: Is this a help moment? Or is this an egg shell moment? Last night was one of those moments. For the past couple of weeks, Sam has been struggling to go to sleep both at night and at nap time. Normally, we put him in his crib and after a few minutes, he's out. Sometimes he'll squawk for a minute, but then falls asleep. Well, lately it has been a big production of crying and tantrums. The first time I thought it was because he had a little bit of a cold, and I ended up rocking him to sleep. Then I thought it was because he has recently learned to pull himself up to standing and will often be standing in his crib crying when I go in the nursery. I thought he was 'stranded' and would quickly help him lie down so he could sleep. But then he would cry and cry, so I thought maybe he was all worked up and needed comforting, so I would hold him and cuddle him until he fell asleep. Yesterday I began to realize that I was forming some bad habits. My little guy who was perfectly fine to fall asleep on his own just two weeks ago, suddenly couldn't go to sleep unless I was holding him. So last night I studied it out and decided that it was time for a little tough love. I decided to let him cry it out. But he can't get himself down when he pulls himself up to standing! The books all said that I needed to let him learn how to do it himself. Give him time, and he will figure it out. But if I don't go to him will he learn that he can't trust me to be there for him or that the world is a cruel place? Again, most of the experts that I've come to trust and whose advice has been good in other things said that it is healthy for babies to cry, that it won't damage them emotionally or hurt the bonds between parent and child. It causes hurt for the mom, not the baby. I committed myself to it and found myself facing a long night. Sam cried for two hours last night. I ended up lying in the hall just barely outside the nursery so that I could see him but he couldn't see me. As I watched him cry (sometimes scream as he was very angry), it was so hard not to go to him. But I knew that he was fed, his diaper was clean, the temperature was comfortable. We had done our night time routine of a story, song, and prayer. He was simply tired and needed to go to sleep. He was standing up, holding onto the edge of the crib, and as we came closer and closer to midnight, his head would start to bob. He was so tired! But, unfortunately, both of his parents passed down the stubborn gene, and he wasn't going down without a fight. As I lay there on the floor, I kept wondering, Is this a help moment or an egg shell moment? And I really felt like it was an egg shell moment--as much as I was hating it. Finally, Sam started to simmer down and I went to bed. Sam somehow managed to get himself back down and fall asleep. This morning at 7 am, he woke up cheerful and happy to see me. At nap time, he cried for forty minutes before going to sleep. Do I kind of feel like this cruel mother? Of course. I hate to see him upset and to hear him crying. He's my baby, and I would do anything for him. But do I want what is best for him and to see him grow up smart, healthy, and good? Yes, of course. And so we have to go through this little season of tears.
I sometimes wonder if it's like that for our Heavenly Father. Does he like to see us struggle and go through trials? Of course not. He's our Father and loves us so much. He gave us His Son that we might not suffer as much. I love the scripture that says that the Savior suffered all things that He might know how to succor His people. He knows our suffering because He has felt our pain and our heartache. He knows what we are going through and is there for us. Our loving Father knows that we need egg shell moments to make us stronger. And when it's really hard and it doesn't feel like we can make it, we can turn to Him. This weekend we just found out that someone very close to us is getting divorced. Because of some wrong choices her husband made, she is now looking at being a single mother of five beautiful children. She is such a loving, stalwart, faithful woman, and it breaks my heart to see her going through something like this. And you wonder why she and her sweet family have to face such trials. I think of a line from the Joseph Smith movie when Emma Smith asks her husband, "Do you ever feel the Lord asks too much of us?" And I think of how they lost so many children and the persecutions and violence raged against them and how often Joseph was torn away from Emma without her knowing if she would ever see him again. And I remember those chicks and remind myself that we all need those egg shell moments. We all need to learn and grow. The Lord gives us plenty of 'help' moments--there have been many times in my life when I have felt as though carried on the wings of angels. But in His infinite wisdom and love, He also gives us those egg shell moments too. Why? Because He loves us.

The Book of Mormon v. the Cell Phone

I heard this at a fireside last night with Alex Boye. It was originally written by a preacher. The Book of Mormon has been inserted in the place of the Bible.

Cell Phone vs. Book of Mormon
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Book of Mormon like we treat our
cell phones?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

What if we used it to receive messages?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to kids as gifts?

What if we used it as we traveled?

What if we used it in case of an emergency?

What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?

This is something to make you go, hmmm, where is my Book of Mormon?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cellphones, we don’t ever have to worry
about our Book of Mormon being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!
It is free, unlimited minutes night and day, any hour. There is no peak time. You won't get disconnected. No hidden fees. No roaming. No voice mail. Heavenly Father is there live to listen, to bless us, and to love us every time we make the call!

Summer Catch-up Part 2

Here are some of our adventures from summer:
Sam went swimming for the first time and loved it. After that, he swam and swam and swam!

We had the opportunity to go to the Crane reunion and see many of our relatives from Nic's side of the family. Also, that weekend we went to Draper Days which is always so much fun with a parade and city fair.

Heidi and the kids were in town the next week and it was a whirlwind of adventures. We went swimming, drove go-karts, played miniture golf, floated down the Draper canal on inner tubes, and many more adventures! It was great to hang out with Aunt Heidi and all of the cousins.

The next weekend, we went to Nic's last Smiths/Primary Children's golf tournament. Smiths is making a lot of changes and so Nic's role with Smiths will no longer exist soon. I know Nic will figure things out as far as work goes and make things work, but it has been very stressful for him. The tournament had a different feel to it than usual, because many of the people there knew that it would be their last and that their jobs most likely wouldn't be around for long.
Nic's friend, Kris, was also in town that weekend from Ohio, so we went from the golf tournament to visit with them. Kris' husband, Chris, is in the millitary and is in Iraq right now. It was fun to see Kris and the kids. They are such a cute family!
Other fun things:

• Youth Conference
• Dad's cool cast with camouflage/Sam-print design
• Reno
• Tuacahnn

Summer Catch-up (and Mayo)

Okay, here goes a super long, adventure-filled post about all that we did this summer. Well, most of what we did...I'm getting older and my memory sometimes fails me!
At the end of June, I went to Girl's Camp. It was at the Heber Valley Camp, and with cabins, running water + the opportunity to shower as wanted, good food, and gorgeous surroundings, it was some pretty plush camping. While I was gone for the week, Sam went and spent a fun-filled week with g-ma M, g-pa M, J, and Nanny. I have to be honest right up front--Sam had a blast and came home with some cute new outfits. Mom, on the other hand, may have got a little Sam-sick and shed some tears! Cell-phone coverage was pretty much non-existent except for in random places, my favorite place being a long, uphill hike to what I called 'Cell-phone bush'. So every night, even during an electrical storm (not smart, but, hey, I was missing my baby!), I would hike up the hill to 'Cell-phone bush' and call home and cry.
I had a good time though. We did skits, sang songs, did crafts, hiked, canoed out onto this lake, sat around the campfire, blazed a new trail, played games, went to firesides, and all the other fun things you do at girl's camp. We have some amazing young women in our ward. We had five girls up at camp with three leaders, but I love our small numbers. I think it helps us be closer-knit together. Anamarie, our young women president, is awesome. She is one of those rare go-getters who really carries our program on her shoulders and gets things done. She is amazing. And I discovered that we have many similar personality traits. We were the 'tough' love leaders! Heidi, the other leader at camp, is so much fun. I especially enjoyed getting to know her better. She was eight months pregnant at camp. People were so shocked to see her there. She was a real trooper, I have to say! One lady came up to her and said, "Is it true that you're due this week?" (The rumors were flying!) I told Heidi that she should have told the lady that she was actually two weeks overdue! I feel so much closer to the other leaders and the girls now. Before camp, I was really nervous and prayed a lot about going because I didn't feel like I was a fun enough person. I'm just not one of those bubbly, out-going people and worried that I was too boring. But I ended up having a great time and strengthening my friendships. I became the camp hair stylist and bandana expert!


Also during camp, we had a couple of good spiritual experiences. One of the girls at camp with us is a non-member. She also has a slight disability that makes it hard for her to walk really well on un-even surfaces. The very first night at camp, she fell going in to the cabin and twisted her ankle. Granted, I felt that it was a little more drama than injury, but it was neat for me to see how people just served her, no questions asked. One of the stake presidency and our stake high councilman actually carried her up this really steep, long hill to get to the pavillion for a stake devotional. I was just so impressed with these men and the thought came to me of how much the priesthood carries all of us in our lives. The next day, we told the girl that she had to walk for herself or go home (there's the tough love I was talking about =). Her ankle felt better right away! One of the nights the stake had a fireside with a program done by Jenny Phillips. She has a wonderful talent for writing songs that can really invite the spirit and touch your heart. I hope that our little non-member girl felt the spirit--she was one of the first ones down after the program to get autographs!
Another experience was with our bishop. A couple days into camp and we could tell that our bishop really wasn't feeling very well. He was having extremely bad headaches and just wasn't his usual active self. So finally, Anamarie and I talked to him and told him that if he needed to go home he could. He took us up on the offer (another fact that confirmed that it was serious). Before he left, the other two stake guys came and gave him a priesthood blessing. That night, we had a special prayer for him that he would be okay. It was a comforting spirit after that prayer. It turned out that the bishop had liquid on his brain and actually ended up in the hospital as soon as he got home. I'm so glad that he made it safely and know that was an answer to our prayers. Later, the bishop had to have a hole drilled in his skull to relieve some of the pressure but is pretty much back to his usual self now. He is such an amazing, good man. I'm glad that he is doing better now!

The weekend of July 4th we had our first Independence celebration with Sam. First, Sam and I got up early and went to the ward flag raising ceremony and breakfast. It was a really nice program and great food. Then we got Nic out of bed and went out to G-ville for the parade and activities at the park. I totally got pegged in the head with a piece of candy confirming Nic's belief that no one from where I'm from can catch! G-pa was working the Sons of the Utah Pioneer's booth at the park and tried to give Sam some fish, to which mommy said 'no'! After the park, we went to my parent's house and had hamburgers and homemade rootbeer that my brother made. It was all a lot of fun, that good old fashioned kind of fun. Then we went to a birthday party for Clay's dad and then to a barbecue at Clay's house. By the end of the day we were so tired that I don't think we made it to the fireworks!

Okay, the boss man is yelling at me. I gotta go! =) To be continued...

A Visit with Infertile Myrtle

Long time no post! I promise that there is a post on its way that will re-cap our many summer adventures and be plumb full of adorable pictures of Sam. But right now I have other things on my mind that need to find the words. I want another baby! There, I said it. Now people are thinking, "You already have your miracle...Sam is only nine months old...just be happy with what you have...don't worry about it..." And I am so happy. Sam is the stuff dreams are made of. His personality is really starting to shine, and there are so many moments each day that he just steals my heart away. He's starting to say, "Mama" more consistently, especially when he really wants me to pick him up. (His first word was "Dada". He would babble dadadadada all the time, but one morning, I pointed to a picture of Nic and asked, "who is this?" Sam replied, "Dada". He sees Nic and says "dada" all the time now). The other day, Nic said, "That little boy is so in love with you!" And I began to notice how he watches me and listens to me and loves to be with me. He's started doing this thing now that when you hold him he will rest his head against your shoulder and pat your back with his little hand. I'm so in love with that little boy!

So, yeah, life is good. I'm happily married. I'm a happy mom. But I'm starting to get those urges for another one. I've been trying to keep it under control, not let it get the best of me. But I will admit, that lately when I start my period each month, it's disappointing. It's starting to ping at my heart again. I guess I was subconsciously hoping that now that I've had one baby, voila, my womb would be made over into this amazing baby-making machine! I loved being pregnant, and my body was good at it. There were the back aches and sore hips, but pregnancy rocked. I loved the feeling of life growing inside of me. And for the first time in my life, I felt like my body and I were on the same side, like we were friends not enemies. So I assumed that my new BFF and I had a good deal going. Not so much.

In my defense, I think these urges are from a divine source. Last Sunday, in Young Women, we had the dreaded Procreation Lesson. I was just glad that I didn't have to teach it. Anamarie taught the lesson and did an amazing job with it. It's such a difficult topic! Anyway, something that Anamarie said really stood out to me. She talked about how urges for physical intimacy are part of Heavenly Father's plan and that they can be divine, depending on how we act on them. Heavenly Father commanded all His creation to multiply and to Adam and Eve it was given the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. Who am I to resist divine urges? I want to multiply!

I want Sam to have little brothers and sisters. I have always wanted a big family. I don't know if I could wait another five years for another one. But that's what I said many years ago before Sam, and I did it. I could do it again. It took my mom five years to have me and then another nine years to finally have my sister. Nine years?! I'm 32 1/2 years old right now. That would put me at 41 years old. Yikes. Sometimes I think that maybe the Lord wants me to really focus on adoption right now. I don't know. I don't think I could go down the IVF road again. I have the plaque hanging in my dining room: "Faith in God includes faith in his timing" (Neal A. Maxwell). I just need to hang it on my heart.

Just another anecdotal Monday...

Two quick stories for the day...
A few weeks ago, Hubs' sister was in town with all of her family. They live in Washington, and it's a real treat when we get to see them. There are five kids in the family ranging from fourteen to three years old. Anyway, I'll tell more about the visit another day, but today Heidi called Hubs to inform him that her one of her little girls let out a huge belch today. When Heidi chided her, "What do you say?" She responded, "That was a good one!"
"Where did you learn that?"
"From my uncle."
Oh, the things kids learn. Hopefully, Hubs will only corrupt other children and not our own! (Just kidding!) =)

Yesterday we went to my parents-in-law for Sunday dinner. They have a bunch of wild cats around the yard along with three horses and two dogs. Well, when it was time to leave, we loaded Sam into the car and said our good-byes. When I went to shut Sam's car door, what should peer out at me from the other side of Sam? A wild cat. He hopped over Sam and jumped out of the car in a quick hurry when he saw that I had spotted him. Sam just laughed and laughed. I don't know how long the cat had been in the car, but Sam hadn't made a peep about it. I guess he thought he was getting a cat!

Sam Up-dates

Sam is quite the explorer of his New World. And he's a fast learner. He is quite speedy in rolling. He hasn't learned to crawl yet, and I don't know that he will. I think he will probably by-pass the crawling because he is so proficient in rolling. Why crawl on your hands and knees when you can roll across a room at the speed of light?! He is getting better at balancing when he sits up and when standing. We're getting there. Part of me wants to keep him as my little baby forever, but the other part of me realizes that he is growing and changing every day.
Sam is quite the busy body, always wiggling and moving around. Hubs likes to say, "Our snuggle bug has become a wiggle worm!" Sam is learning to use his hands and feet in different ways. He likes to do Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star with Nanny Manda, and it almost looked like he was waving at daddy (who was on the phone) today. He reaches up when he wants you to pick him up, and gives you hugs and kisses (very slobbery kisses, mind you!). Somehow he's figured out how to run his fingers over his lips to go, "blub, blub, blub, blub..." He likes to mimic facial expressions, especially sticking out his tongue, smiling, and blinking. This is our new game that I can do for hours, if he would let me! Sam is also quite vocal. He loves to talk and babble. I think we are getting very close to a first word. He says, "dadadada" quite a bit and sometimes teases me with a "mommma". One day when I asked him what my name is, he replied, "blah blah blah!" Fairly accurate! =)

A couple of days ago, Sam got into trouble for the first time. I was holding him, and he was mad about something, so he decided to bite me on my shoulder. He has two bottom teeth and one top tooth that are very sharp. I very sternly said, "Ouch! Sam that is bad! No! No!" He looked at me for a second, then his little chin started to quiver, and then he just started bawling. In the end, I think I felt worse for getting after him than he did for biting me!

Yesterday Hubs' aunt took us out to dinner at the Little America (a very nice restaurant) as a graduation gift for Hubs. Of course, Sam came along because he is the rock star. A little background information will help this story: First, it was a very, very nice restaurant. Second, this aunt is a very kind, generous, elderly, and well-to-do aunt. This is the same aunt who offered to let me borrow one of her real mink coats when Hubs and I got married. I couldn't do it. My luck, there would have been animal rights protesters that day and I would have returned it covered in red paint. Well, the minute the server placed my 'mixed greens' in front of me, Sam proceeded to throw up. Not just spit up, mind you. He was like this geyser. Luckily he was facing me and facing away from the aunt. So I very indiscreetly took a burp cloth out of the diaper bag and tried to casually mop off my child. Luckily earlier that day, I had put a ziploc bag (in case of emergencies!) in the diaper bag, so I put the ziploc bag on my lap and under the table and stuck the soggy burp cloth in the bag. The cloth was seriously drenched! Yuck! All was well. Hubs had seen the dilemma out of the corner of his eye and did his part of engaging the aunt in a lively conversation to distract her. Well, a few minutes later and a couple bites of salad later, Sam proceeded to throw up some more. I got out the wipies and cleaned him up again the best I could without drawing attention to us. Sam, bless his heart, wasn't upset by the puking. He just sat there in his car seat jabbering away. Then he started to fuss, and I knew it was time for him to eat. I debated whether or not to give him a bottle, but he was hungry after all. So he got a bottle/more ammunition. Just after he finished his bottle, he began throwing up again. Pretty much all through dinner and dessert the little guy was a fountain of puke. I just kept cleaning him up indiscreetly and shoving the used wipies into the ziploc bag on my lap and nodding along with the conversation. Finally, it was time to leave. The aunt was cooing over Sam, and I was just hoping she wouldn't get close enough to him to catch his delightful fragrance--parfum de upchuck. Hubs walked the aunt out to her car, and I took Sam into the very fancy bathroom and stripped him down. I put his soaked clothes into the ziploc bag, changed his diaper (which was also very stinky and messy), wiped him down from head to toe,and put him into a clean onesie. I also had to mop out his car seat and scrub it thoroughly. Needless to say, it was a nice dinner, but I was exhausted! And luckily I don't have a squeamish tummy because I was still able to finish my very expensive meal in between clean-ups. I am totally going to re-tell this story to Sam's prom date some day! =)

Image

I've been thinking about image a lot lately. I think it is because over the past few months I've been gaining weight and getting chubbier than I did when I was pregnant. Irony: When I was pregnant I lost weight. Now that I'm not pregnant, I'm consistently gaining. It is true that I don't exercise as much as I should, but I do try. I've been trying to walk to places instead of drive all of the time, and I have got to be burning calories carting Sam all over the place and cleaning the house. It is also true that I don't eat as healthy as I should, but, again, I am trying. I'm certainly doing better than when I used to teach and I would snack on whatever I could get my hands on all day long. Something that I have discovered is that those cravings you have when you're pregnant don't necessarily disappear the minute you have the baby. Sam has left me with this insatiable sweet tooth that I never had before. I used to be a salt-girl--I couldn't resist chips. Now it's sugar (and chips (but not together)). And what do all the fitness books and videos say is the number one must-go if you want to lose weight? Sugar. I used to guffaw at such things. Sugar? I don't have a problem with sugar! Now I find myself at near melt-down if there is no dessert after dinner. And the fitness experts that try to convince me that biting into a crunchy apple is just as satisfying as say a slice of cheesecake are lying...perhaps a white chocolate and caramel covered apple!
Anyway, I'm feeling fat. And I'm feeling self-conscious about all sorts of silly things like the fact that lately my slightly crooked teeth are looking more crooked. Hubs says that I should look into getting braces if it is bothering me. I explained to him that I've already had braces once, and I'm not doing THAT again! I'm thinking of looking into that invisalign. And then there are those darn stretch marks that are still bright red and make it look like a) a wild animal with long, sharp claws attacked me, b) I am turning into a giant albino watermelon, or c) I am wearing a nude colored blouse with red zebra stripes. I don't know, maybe I'm just going through a phase. I know that Hubs loves me no matter what I look like. And Sam definitely loves me no matter what. In fact, the goofier I look, the better! I've heard a lot about a talk at the last BYU Women's conference that has been echoing through my head lately. Granted this is all information three or four times removed, but the speaker talked about how a man will stand in front of a mirror with his gut sticking out and think, "Man, I look good!" And a woman will stand in front of a mirror and pick out every imperfection and totally berate herself. I realize that I need to be kinder to myself, cut myself some slack. I did have a baby, after all, and that is no easy task for the old bod. But I'm also me, so I've been putting together an information packet/binder on feeling better about my body and improving my body. You would probably think I'm crazy if you could see all of the binders I've put together (I'm just realizing that it's kind of my thing-I research things and make binders for my research)--pregnancy, parenting tips, hair styling, crafts, recipes, writing...my life is a binder! I re-read the last statement and it sounds like I'm really organized, but, sadly, that is not the case. I think I have a binder on how to be more organized! Anyway, back to the body thing. I want to be fit and healthy for Sam. I want to be able to do things with him. To be honest, I want to have another baby soon and would really like to be in good shape for another pregnancy. I want to look good for Hubs. And, most of all, I want to be fit for me! I deserve it!
So I'm starting a new plan for the summer to get in shape. I'll give more details as I go. Here's a website and article that I'm starting with: http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Health--Fitness/Love-Your-New-Mom-Body. It all begins with attitude. I need to have a better attitude towards myself and my body. I need to set realistic goals. It's a start at least!

Growing Up

My little guy is growing up. And we're quickly learning that every milestone comes with some good and some bad. (By the way, I've decided to just use the baby's name, Sam. It makes it so much easier! Anyway...) For example, earlier this week I was rubbing Sam's gums and I ran across his first tooth. It hasn't quite broken all the way through the surface, but I can feel the little jagged edge of it poking through his little baby gums. This is a very exciting. For a mom who is passionate about food, this will be a fun adventure of introducing new foods to him and helping him to experience new flavors. I tried to give Sam one of those baby biscuits a couple of weeks ago and discovered that he can still bite off pieces of things even without teeth. So all solid foods are eaten in one of those mesh things. Sam does seem to share my love for food though. He is a voracious eater and has generally liked anything I put before him. Now for the downside, new tooth equals crankiness. Now, I've heard horror stories, and I have to admit, Sam isn't really that bad. He gets a little fussy now and then but not the hours of screaming that people speak of. But I can tell that it bothers him, and he will have sudden bouts of crying. How traumatizing that must be for a baby--such betrayal. The happy place where food goes in, that tastes everything, is suddenly an owie place! Last night he was really having a hard time, so I ended up sleeping on the nursery floor with him. We cuddled up and that seemed to comfort him. Though, I woke up at one point and Sam had the entire pillow and all of the blankets! Takes after his dad! Well, one tooth down (close, anyways) and--how many teeth do babies get?--more? to go!

Another milestone is that Sam has discovered rolling. I was starting to wonder if he would ever be a roller. He doesn't like being on his belly that much and is usually content just to be on his back. He has demonstrated that he can roll over (Nanny Manda calls him a one-trick pony: He does it once to show that he can then that's it!), but has been more of a scootcher, pushing himself around on his back with his legs (thus the rug burn/bald spot on the back of his head). However, just the other day, I came in to get him out of bed in the morning and he was on his belly. I thought this was cute but didn't think much of it. Then later that day, he rolled across his nursery. Suddenly, he's a traveler. I realize that I probably can't take naps with him on my bed anymore (yesterday morning I woke up to Sam wrestling with the pillow that I put on the edge of the bed to keep him safe. It looked like Sam was winning). This also means that Sam tends to wake himself up at night when he rolls himself into a corner of the crib and gets stuck. Too soon, he'll be able to pull himself up to standing! Yikes!

Well, since I've decided to reveal the baby's name, I might as well explain a little about his name. First of all, it's a family name which makes it special. He also has two middle names--the names of both of his grandpa's. But I also liked the name because it means 'God heard' and Sam is definitely an answer to our prayers like Samuel was an answer to Hannah's prayers in the Bible. There is a painting by Elspeth Young that I want to own someday called For This Child I Prayed. There are so many women in the Bible like Hannah and Abraham's Sarah that I can relate to and who inspire me.

You can go to alyoung.com to learn more about the painting. It's interesting all the symbolism that he put into the painting. I especially like this part: "Hannah also wears white, symbolic of her faith and purity. The brightly colored wrap she wears warmly enfolds herself, and visually touches the child as well, symbolizing the influence of a righteous mother in the life of her child." I hope that I am a righteous mother!

Memorial Day weekend

Here's some pictures from our camping trip over Memorial Day weekend. We were in the middle of nowhere--believe me, we had to drive over an hour to get a cell signal. There was a whole lot of sage brush, rocks, dirt, horny toads, and some slithery things that I would rather not think about. That was about it. But we had so much fun!

Flying kites!

The pinwheel kite was giving us problems, but after some crafty engineering, we got it to work!


Can you see the garbage bag handle and the rock tail? Surprisingly, it worked!


It is always good to be with family! Here are some family pics of us just hanging out.






Digging (and in the baby's case, eating) for trilobites. Papa J should have been an archaeologist!