Image

I've been thinking about image a lot lately. I think it is because over the past few months I've been gaining weight and getting chubbier than I did when I was pregnant. Irony: When I was pregnant I lost weight. Now that I'm not pregnant, I'm consistently gaining. It is true that I don't exercise as much as I should, but I do try. I've been trying to walk to places instead of drive all of the time, and I have got to be burning calories carting Sam all over the place and cleaning the house. It is also true that I don't eat as healthy as I should, but, again, I am trying. I'm certainly doing better than when I used to teach and I would snack on whatever I could get my hands on all day long. Something that I have discovered is that those cravings you have when you're pregnant don't necessarily disappear the minute you have the baby. Sam has left me with this insatiable sweet tooth that I never had before. I used to be a salt-girl--I couldn't resist chips. Now it's sugar (and chips (but not together)). And what do all the fitness books and videos say is the number one must-go if you want to lose weight? Sugar. I used to guffaw at such things. Sugar? I don't have a problem with sugar! Now I find myself at near melt-down if there is no dessert after dinner. And the fitness experts that try to convince me that biting into a crunchy apple is just as satisfying as say a slice of cheesecake are lying...perhaps a white chocolate and caramel covered apple!
Anyway, I'm feeling fat. And I'm feeling self-conscious about all sorts of silly things like the fact that lately my slightly crooked teeth are looking more crooked. Hubs says that I should look into getting braces if it is bothering me. I explained to him that I've already had braces once, and I'm not doing THAT again! I'm thinking of looking into that invisalign. And then there are those darn stretch marks that are still bright red and make it look like a) a wild animal with long, sharp claws attacked me, b) I am turning into a giant albino watermelon, or c) I am wearing a nude colored blouse with red zebra stripes. I don't know, maybe I'm just going through a phase. I know that Hubs loves me no matter what I look like. And Sam definitely loves me no matter what. In fact, the goofier I look, the better! I've heard a lot about a talk at the last BYU Women's conference that has been echoing through my head lately. Granted this is all information three or four times removed, but the speaker talked about how a man will stand in front of a mirror with his gut sticking out and think, "Man, I look good!" And a woman will stand in front of a mirror and pick out every imperfection and totally berate herself. I realize that I need to be kinder to myself, cut myself some slack. I did have a baby, after all, and that is no easy task for the old bod. But I'm also me, so I've been putting together an information packet/binder on feeling better about my body and improving my body. You would probably think I'm crazy if you could see all of the binders I've put together (I'm just realizing that it's kind of my thing-I research things and make binders for my research)--pregnancy, parenting tips, hair styling, crafts, recipes, writing...my life is a binder! I re-read the last statement and it sounds like I'm really organized, but, sadly, that is not the case. I think I have a binder on how to be more organized! Anyway, back to the body thing. I want to be fit and healthy for Sam. I want to be able to do things with him. To be honest, I want to have another baby soon and would really like to be in good shape for another pregnancy. I want to look good for Hubs. And, most of all, I want to be fit for me! I deserve it!
So I'm starting a new plan for the summer to get in shape. I'll give more details as I go. Here's a website and article that I'm starting with: http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Health--Fitness/Love-Your-New-Mom-Body. It all begins with attitude. I need to have a better attitude towards myself and my body. I need to set realistic goals. It's a start at least!