Sleep Training Strategies -- Sleep Solutions for Babies -- WhatToExpect.com
Posted using ShareThis
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Heartache for a Friend
**Warning: Please don't read this if you are pregnant!**
A couple of weeks ago, the Friday before Valentine's day, I was playing in the nursery with Turkey and I got a heart breaking text from one of my really good friends, Lo. She was 7 months pregnant and expecting a little girl. She's the friend that I used to live with before I got married and with whom I got all my cute maternity clothes. We're exactly the same height and everything so clothes sharing works really well for us. Anyway, the text said that she had lost her baby. News like that hits you like a bag of bricks. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I texted her back asking her what I could do for her and telling her that I was so sorry. She was at the hospital then and said she would let me know if she needed anything. I found out later that this is what happened:
On Friday, she went to work as usual. After work she had her usual doctor's appointment. She had to take her 18 mo. son with her to this appointment and so as the doctor begin her exam, she was busy keeping her son entertained. So she didn't notice at first that the doctor suddenly seemed a little anxious and that something might be wrong. But then she did notice that the doctor was acting funny and he asked her if she had felt the baby move that day. She remembered feeling the baby the night before but couldn't remember if she had that day. I remember how it was when I was pregnant. Sometimes you don't notice the movement during the day when you're busy doing stuff. Anyway, so the doctor then did an ultrasound but still couldn't find a heartbeat. He then sent Lo down to do some other kinds of tests. At this point she was really starting to freak out but was trying to be calm for her little boy. She called her husband and told him to get there as soon as he could. They did the other tests and found that the baby had died. I can't even imagine getting that kind of news.
I remember when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant, I had a really scary incident when I freaked out because I hadn't felt my baby move. It was the day of parent-teacher conferences and I had got up like normal. Usually in the morning when I would get out of bed and get ready I would feel the baby moving, but that morning I didn't feel anything. I didn't think to much about but after I ate breakfast I still didn't feel anything. I then ate something really sugary because the usually would make the baby move around. Still nothing. Hubs was out of town so I didn't know what to do. I decided to go to work and pay close attention to things. By the end of 2nd period I still hadn't felt anything and I was a wreck. My good friend and neighboring teacher told me to call my doctor so I did. The doctor told me that if I was really concerned that I needed to go to the hospital and do a baby no-stress test. So I told my friend this and he told me to go and that he would take care of my classes and not to worry about any of that. I went and told my principal that I was leaving and sat and bawled in his office for a few minutes. As I was leaving the school, I ran into the mom of one of my former students. She was so sweet. I was a hysterical mess at this point, and she offered to drive me to the hospital. I assured her that I could manage and that I would be okay. She would later bring me flowers at parent-teacher conferences and has also bought some cute gifts for Turkey. She is such a sweetheart--another one of those angels that Heavenly Father puts in your path just when you need them. Anyway, I drove to the hospital. While I was driving, I called Hubs and bawled to him. He was so upset because he wasn't there for me and was so far away (I think he was in Las Vegas or New Mexico for work at that time). He offered to call his mom or sister or my mom, but I didn't want to panic anyone else. It was funny because when I got to the hospital there was a woman in labor who came in at the same time. She was all calm and collected while I was a basket case. We got to the counter and she said very matter-of-factly "Excuse me, I'm in labor..." While I tried to sob out what I needed. The nurse asked me if I was in pain and I answered, "I don't feel anything. That's the problem!" They got me into a room, I changed into a hospital gown, and they got me hooked up to the monitors. The sweetest sound ever was when I heard that heartbeat. The nurse said, "There he is." And I completely broke down. I was so relieved. Apparently he had turned in such a way that when he kicked, I couldn't feel it. He would kick and the nurse would show it to me on the monitor but I couldn't feel it. It was so comforting to me that day to lie there for over an hour just listening to my baby's heart beat. The nurse offered to turn on the T.V., but I just wanted to listen to my baby. It was the scariest moment of my life, but in my case it turned out okay. In Lo's case, it didn't. She told me she even remembered my experience and used that to calm herself before she did the tests. I feel so bad for her.
It makes me think of how scary pregnancy is. You have so many anxieties and worries. Pregnancy really is a walk of faith. Every day you have to have faith that whatever happens is in God's hands. You really have no control of that little life inside of you. Lo says that they were never able to find out what caused her baby to die. They have had to just accept that it was a spiritual thing and God's will for that baby. She said that trying to figure out the why just tears them a part, so they've had to let go of figuring out the why and just have faith.
She delivered her little girl on Valentine's Day after 36 hours of labor. I can't imagine going through labor and not having a healthy, happy baby at the end of it all. Lo says that the labor kind of helped though because she could scream and cry and vent her emotions during it. The baby was born at a little over 3 lbs. and 19 inches long. She was fully developed and beautiful. There is a group of people that specialize in photography of stillborns. I think that these are amazing people. They come and take pictures and offer comfort all at no cost. So Lo has some pictures and had the opportunity to hold her baby's body. Another woman went through this and makes these binders with information, poems, and quotes for other women who go through it. A ward made these beautiful baby blankets for families of stillborns. So many people do incredible things. Lo had a small family funeral for her baby and is now just trying to recover physically and emotionally.
I really can't imagine what she is going through. When I got that first text, I just held Turkey in my arms and cried. Things like this really remind me how blessed I am to have Turkey. I don't know why some babies live and some don't, but I know it's all part of an eternal plan. I really believe that Lo's baby will never be far from her in this life and that she will have the opportunity to raise her baby in the next. But it's still so sad. My heart aches for her and for anyone who has to go through something like this. It also reminds me not to take for granted the wonderful blessings I have in my life. The next time I am complaining about my trials, I hope that I can remember that my trials are designed exactly for me and that I definitely wouldn't want another's trials! Please just remember my friend, Lo, and her family in your prayers!
A couple of weeks ago, the Friday before Valentine's day, I was playing in the nursery with Turkey and I got a heart breaking text from one of my really good friends, Lo. She was 7 months pregnant and expecting a little girl. She's the friend that I used to live with before I got married and with whom I got all my cute maternity clothes. We're exactly the same height and everything so clothes sharing works really well for us. Anyway, the text said that she had lost her baby. News like that hits you like a bag of bricks. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I texted her back asking her what I could do for her and telling her that I was so sorry. She was at the hospital then and said she would let me know if she needed anything. I found out later that this is what happened:
On Friday, she went to work as usual. After work she had her usual doctor's appointment. She had to take her 18 mo. son with her to this appointment and so as the doctor begin her exam, she was busy keeping her son entertained. So she didn't notice at first that the doctor suddenly seemed a little anxious and that something might be wrong. But then she did notice that the doctor was acting funny and he asked her if she had felt the baby move that day. She remembered feeling the baby the night before but couldn't remember if she had that day. I remember how it was when I was pregnant. Sometimes you don't notice the movement during the day when you're busy doing stuff. Anyway, so the doctor then did an ultrasound but still couldn't find a heartbeat. He then sent Lo down to do some other kinds of tests. At this point she was really starting to freak out but was trying to be calm for her little boy. She called her husband and told him to get there as soon as he could. They did the other tests and found that the baby had died. I can't even imagine getting that kind of news.
I remember when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant, I had a really scary incident when I freaked out because I hadn't felt my baby move. It was the day of parent-teacher conferences and I had got up like normal. Usually in the morning when I would get out of bed and get ready I would feel the baby moving, but that morning I didn't feel anything. I didn't think to much about but after I ate breakfast I still didn't feel anything. I then ate something really sugary because the usually would make the baby move around. Still nothing. Hubs was out of town so I didn't know what to do. I decided to go to work and pay close attention to things. By the end of 2nd period I still hadn't felt anything and I was a wreck. My good friend and neighboring teacher told me to call my doctor so I did. The doctor told me that if I was really concerned that I needed to go to the hospital and do a baby no-stress test. So I told my friend this and he told me to go and that he would take care of my classes and not to worry about any of that. I went and told my principal that I was leaving and sat and bawled in his office for a few minutes. As I was leaving the school, I ran into the mom of one of my former students. She was so sweet. I was a hysterical mess at this point, and she offered to drive me to the hospital. I assured her that I could manage and that I would be okay. She would later bring me flowers at parent-teacher conferences and has also bought some cute gifts for Turkey. She is such a sweetheart--another one of those angels that Heavenly Father puts in your path just when you need them. Anyway, I drove to the hospital. While I was driving, I called Hubs and bawled to him. He was so upset because he wasn't there for me and was so far away (I think he was in Las Vegas or New Mexico for work at that time). He offered to call his mom or sister or my mom, but I didn't want to panic anyone else. It was funny because when I got to the hospital there was a woman in labor who came in at the same time. She was all calm and collected while I was a basket case. We got to the counter and she said very matter-of-factly "Excuse me, I'm in labor..." While I tried to sob out what I needed. The nurse asked me if I was in pain and I answered, "I don't feel anything. That's the problem!" They got me into a room, I changed into a hospital gown, and they got me hooked up to the monitors. The sweetest sound ever was when I heard that heartbeat. The nurse said, "There he is." And I completely broke down. I was so relieved. Apparently he had turned in such a way that when he kicked, I couldn't feel it. He would kick and the nurse would show it to me on the monitor but I couldn't feel it. It was so comforting to me that day to lie there for over an hour just listening to my baby's heart beat. The nurse offered to turn on the T.V., but I just wanted to listen to my baby. It was the scariest moment of my life, but in my case it turned out okay. In Lo's case, it didn't. She told me she even remembered my experience and used that to calm herself before she did the tests. I feel so bad for her.
It makes me think of how scary pregnancy is. You have so many anxieties and worries. Pregnancy really is a walk of faith. Every day you have to have faith that whatever happens is in God's hands. You really have no control of that little life inside of you. Lo says that they were never able to find out what caused her baby to die. They have had to just accept that it was a spiritual thing and God's will for that baby. She said that trying to figure out the why just tears them a part, so they've had to let go of figuring out the why and just have faith.
She delivered her little girl on Valentine's Day after 36 hours of labor. I can't imagine going through labor and not having a healthy, happy baby at the end of it all. Lo says that the labor kind of helped though because she could scream and cry and vent her emotions during it. The baby was born at a little over 3 lbs. and 19 inches long. She was fully developed and beautiful. There is a group of people that specialize in photography of stillborns. I think that these are amazing people. They come and take pictures and offer comfort all at no cost. So Lo has some pictures and had the opportunity to hold her baby's body. Another woman went through this and makes these binders with information, poems, and quotes for other women who go through it. A ward made these beautiful baby blankets for families of stillborns. So many people do incredible things. Lo had a small family funeral for her baby and is now just trying to recover physically and emotionally.
I really can't imagine what she is going through. When I got that first text, I just held Turkey in my arms and cried. Things like this really remind me how blessed I am to have Turkey. I don't know why some babies live and some don't, but I know it's all part of an eternal plan. I really believe that Lo's baby will never be far from her in this life and that she will have the opportunity to raise her baby in the next. But it's still so sad. My heart aches for her and for anyone who has to go through something like this. It also reminds me not to take for granted the wonderful blessings I have in my life. The next time I am complaining about my trials, I hope that I can remember that my trials are designed exactly for me and that I definitely wouldn't want another's trials! Please just remember my friend, Lo, and her family in your prayers!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Baby's Story
I want to remember all the details about when Turkey was born and one of my friends wrote her son's birth story in her blog, so I've decided to do that too. Warning: if you don't want to hear about the details of Turkey's birth (you're in the glad-I-wasn't-there category) or you think that it might be TMI (too much information), then you'll want to just skip reading this post! Otherwise, let us begin...
EXT. HUBS AND I ARE WALKING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD, HOLDING HANDS, TALKING, LAUGHING. THE AUTUMN SCENE BEHIND US IS PICTURESQUE WITH RED, YELLOW, AND ORANGE LEAVES FLITTING DOWN AROUND US.
VOICE OVER (MY VOICE): We had wanted a baby for so long. For five and a half years we tried. Fertility drugs, three failed rounds of invitro fertilization, heartache...but here we were now, on our way to our very own little miracle. This is our baby story...
MUSIC FROM 'A BABY STORY' BEGINS TO PLAY.
INT. THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, NOVEMBER 18, 2009, I AM 9 MONTHS PREGNANT AND VERY READY TO POP (OR SO I THINK).
ME: Okay, doctor, I waited while Hubs was out of town, and I waited while you were on your cruise, but now I'm ready to have this baby! I don't think I can get any bigger!
DR: Yeah, I thought when I went on my cruise that there were two patients that were going to have their babies while I was gone. You were one of them. But neither of you had your baby! I'm really surprised! Well, your due date is the 20th, two days away, and you're dilated to a three and 50% effaced.
ME: Do you think he'll come on the 20th? I mean, I am REALLY ready to get this kid out! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can hardly move...
DR: Babies come when they want to come. But we can do something called 'stripping your membranes' if you would like. That usually gets things going.
ME: Stripping membranes? That doesn't sound so good!
DR: It's really not a big deal, and it only takes a minute. Most women say it's not that bad.
ME: Then couldn't they come up with a more user-friendly name?
THE DOCTOR THEN EXPLAINS THE PROCEDURE. (I WILL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS. SUFFICE IT TO SAY, IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL ON A PAPER BUT THE DETAILS AREN'T PRETTY!)
I LOOK AT HUBS AND THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE. FINALLY, MY FEAR OF PAIN OVERRIDES MY DESIRE TO HAVE THE BABY RIGHT THEN.
ME: How about we wait it out until after my due date and see if Mother Nature does her thing on her own?
DR: Alright, let's set an appointment for Monday, and if you haven't had your baby by then, we'll strip your membranes then.
ME: Sounds good! TO MYSELF: Sounds good? Yeah right!
Okay, I'm switching over from script format. Anyway, my last day of work was on the 20th and I have a post from that day about how hard it was to say good-bye. So many students were freaked out that I was going to have the baby any minute! But, alas, it was not to be. No headline or story on the 10 o'clock news: Middle school teacher goes into labor in the middle of class! I had been having braxton hicks for a couple of weeks and all that day, I was especially tired and having contractions, but nothing serious. So that day came and went. Saturday came and went. Mostly I just cleaned and tried to get everything in order. I was determined that this would be my last Saturday without a baby. Sunday came and went. Even people at church were like, "What are you doing here? We thought you would be having that baby by now!" I think Mother Nature makes you a little more miserable the last couple weeks of your pregnancy so that you'll look past your fears of labor and birthing and just go forward with it. I was definitely ready to evict my little occupant! I was also mentally and emotionally ready to just get on with it. The more time I had to sit and think about it, the more anxious I got. And I was really excited to meet my new little baby face-to-face.
Finally, Monday arrived. And it turned out to be a really special day, mostly because of Hubs. My doctor appointment wasn't until later that afternoon, so I woke up with this twiddle my thumbs kind of feeling. But Hubs rubbed my back for me and made me breakfast--french toast. Yum! Yum! Then he pulled out his guitar and gave me a surprise serenade. He had secretly been practicing and had learned to play 'I thought I loved you then' by Brad Paisley. As he sang that to me, I just cried and cried. When he sang the line "I can just see you with a baby on the way", he got choked up and we both just cried together. Then we went to a movie matinee and saw the ultimate chick flick--New Moon. Hubs said that he was afraid every time Jacob took off his shirt it would put me into labor! =) Though I did have contractions throughout the movie and was constantly checking the clock on my cellphone to time them! Then we grabbed some McDonald's on the way and headed to the doctor's office. Dr. Smith didn't even give me a chance to have a second thoughts. He said, "Ready?" and before I could answer, began to strip my membranes. And to all those who say that it doesn't hurt, I say, "Baloney!" It hurt like the dickens! The only thing that got me through it was focusing on NOT punching the doctor who was standing within swinging range. Granted, it was over quickly, and I survived. Dr. Smith told me that that should get things going, but if not, we scheduled an appointment for the next morning at 7:00 to induce labor. We stopped and got some movies at the Red Box and then headed home. I was crampy the rest of the day and so I mostly just stayed on the couch and cuddled with Hubs and a heating pad. We watched Transformers 2, Star Trek, and G.I. Joe. Hubs felt like we needed to see some blow-things-up movies after the chick flick afternoon! I fell asleep during G.I. Joe (which people tell me isn't a great loss) and at some point, Hubs woke me up to go upstairs and go to bed.
I stumbled upstairs, climbed into bed, and tried to go to sleep. This was around midnight. An hour later, I woke up and really didn't feel well. I just felt so crampy and the contractions were getting really strong. I lay there for awhile crying and trying to decide if I was in labor and should wake up Hubs. Finally, I couldn't take the pain any more, and woke Hubs up with my crying. He asked if it was time to go to the hospital, but I was so afraid that it was false labor and that we would go to the hospital only to be sent home again. I thought, "If this isn't labor, I don't think I can handle it!" But the contractions were coming regularly and really close together, so Hubs finally talked me into going to the hospital. Hubs had the routine down. He got the dogs put away (they were so cute, by the way! I was trying to walk around and get my things, but I was doubled over and crying, and both dogs stayed really close to me but were very careful not to bump me or get in my way which is no easy feat for 200 lbs. of dog! And Gus had so much concern in his eyes when he would look at me. They definitely knew something was up!) As we were driving, Hubs called my mom, but I made him hang up because, again, I wasn't sure I was really in labor, and I didn't want to raise the alarm. But the phone rang once, and my mom was on her way. I swear she had been sleeping out in her van for the past month! When we got to the hospital, I hobbled in and sat on a bench in the foyer while I waited for Hubs to park the car. Then we took the elevator to the next floor and checked in. I had pre-registered so it was a fairly quick process. We were then taken to a room, and they checked me to see how far along I was. I remember being so nervous that they would say, "Nope! False alarm! Go home and sleep it off!" But instead they said I was dilated to a five and proceeded to get me all set up. The nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural to which I responded, "YES!" Then she asked if I wanted to wait or if I wanted it right away to which I responded, "NOW!" By this time, those contractions were really hurting, and I was curled into a ball with my face pressed between the bed frame and the mattress. For some reason the pressure seemed to help. I was also remembering how in our birthing class, the instructor had us flex our biceps and told us that contractions were just flexing muscles and that if we thought about them in that way, it wouldn't hurt. It would just feel like flexing your bicep. I wanted to flex my bicep on her at that moment. I remember signing some forms and being asked questions, but I don't remember what it was all about because I was just focused on the pain. Good thing Hubs was there to take care of everything. They got an IV started and got me hooked up to the baby monitor so I could listen to my baby's heart which is always a comfort. Within that hour I was dilated to a seven. The epidural guy finally arrived. It was kind of funny because they had to find him and wake him up, and he looked it! He hair and clothes were disheveled and he had the five o'clock shadow thing going on. I was a little nervous because one, they were about to stick a giant needle in my spine, and two, he didn't look awake. But the epidural actually wasn't too bad. It hurt a little but I was hurting so much with the contractions that it really wasn't that bad. He had me sit up on the bed and lean over Hubs while he inserted the catheter. It was about that time that my mom showed up. It was good to see her! She must have really hauled to get there so quickly! Well, I guess I reacted poorly to the epidural at first because I remember telling the guy that I was feeling dizzy and then suddenly I felt like I was falling. I think I lost consciousness for a moment. Hubs said that I turned as white as the sheets and my blood pressure dropped to something like 59 over 20. When I came to, I was dry heaving. Lucky me, I'm not good at throwing up, but I can heave as good as the best of them! The guy (I'm avoiding trying to spell anesthesiologist) calmly put something in my IV, and I started to feel better. But then it happened one more time. He put a little more in my IV, and I was good after that. Apparently, the whole ordeal really freaked Hubs out. He didn't want to say anything to make me panic, but I could tell by his face that he had been really afraid. Later, he would tell me that it was the worse moment in his life because he was so afraid of losing me.
Around this time it was about four in the morning. I was dilated to a seven and almost completely effaced. Unfortunately, the epidural slowed everything down and I got stuck at that point. I tried at one point, to go without the epidural, and things started to pick up but I couldn't handle the pain. I know, I know, I'm a wuss! I have to say that the epidural was so nice though. I couldn't feel anything and only really knew I was having contractions by watching on the machine that I was hooked up to. Once, Hubs was moving my legs for me and I looked down and said, "Ow!" Hubs asked, "Did that hurt? I'm sorry!" And I responded, "No, I can't feel anything. It just looks like it would hurt!" It was so weird to see my legs but not feel them.
At some point early that morning, Hubs' parents arrived. And then we waited. I was on a drug to increase my contractions and try to move the labor along which they would come in and increase every half hour. My mom and Hubs' mom kept wanting to push the button to increase my contractions, but I wouldn't let them! =) They were funny. They were just as anxious as we were. On the machine that showed my contractions, it also showed the other women who were in labor. My mom acted like she was at the horse races. "Come on! Room number 302 is peaking and beating you!" My mom was also excited because when she was out in the hall at some point she got to help a Hispanic man find his wife by using her limited Spanish skills. I was waiting for her to throw on some scrubs and start making the rounds with the nurses!
So then we waited and waited and waited. We went through three shifts of nurses. The nurses that were with me most of the time were Dawnita and Autumn. They were so sweet! I think of them as my guardian angels because they took such good care of me. At one point, I began to really hurt on my right side. It felt like the time I had a kidney infection. Dawnita and Autumn were making their rounds, so the head nurse was taking care of me. She was very efficient but had no bedside manner. She came in, we told her the problem, and she told us that the epidural works with gravity and because I had been laying on the same side for so long, the epidural wasn't getting to my right side. So all the pain of labor was being focused on that side. She said I had to lie on that side so the drugs would move that way. And with no further discussion, she came over and just flipped me onto my right side. It hurt so bad to put pressure on that side. I was sobbing! (As you read this, you are probably thinking, "what a wuss!" I know I am!) Luckily, Dawnita came back and wasn't happy with the pain I was in. She said that something was wrong with the epidural and got another anesthesiologist in to help. At this point I was blacking out a little, but Hubs tells me that he injected some drug (probably a localized anesthetic) into the side that was hurting, and immediately I began to feel so much better.
Those were the big events during my labor. Mostly we just sat there and waited. I remember being so hungry and thirsty. It was right before Thanksgiving so there were all kinds of yummy food commercials on T.V. Mostly, though, I just wanted a drink of water so badly! But I wasn't allowed anything but ice chips! Some times the time seemed to drag a little, but overall, I'm surprised at how quickly it seemed to go for me. When I heard stories of women being in labor for hours and hours, I couldn't imagine how they did it. But there I was. Five hours. Ten hours. Fifteen hours. The doctor would call and check up on me but we were stuck at the precipice of delivery...almost there but not quite. The nurses were concerned because apparently baby didn't want to come out. He kept bobbing up. He was head down and in position but then he would float up and not engage into my pelvis like he was supposed to. I imagine him with his toes curled around my ribs saying, "I'm not going! No one can make me!" After so many hours, our nurse, Dawnita, was getting concerned that we were going to have to do a c-section because they couldn't get the baby down. I was scared about doing a c-section and thought it was unfair if I would have to do 15 hours of labor and then a c-section too. The doctor was also concerned that we would have to use suction or forceps to get the baby down or that we would have to do a c-section. Hubs figured out a solution. He called two of our buddies, Darrell and Clay, and they came to the hospital to give me a blessing. The nurses probably thought I was a terrible person because Clay is a quadriplegic and when he came into the room, I shouted, "Clay, I can't feel my legs!" But I was drugged and tired and they didn't know how Clay picks on me constantly! So they gave me a blessing and after they left the room, Dawnita checked me and miraculously the baby was in position and ready to go. So she said, "You're ready to go! Let's do this!" I have never had such an immediate answer to a blessing. It was a wonderful experience.
They had warned me that pushing can be a few hours, but, luckily, I only had to do an hour of pushing. It was cool because I could feel my stomach hardening when I got a good contraction and that was when it was time to push. Autumn was on one side holding my leg and Hubs on the other. Hubs was so awesome. He stayed by my side and encouraged me the whole time. He kept telling me that I was doing a good job and how proud he was of me. They put a mirror up so that I could watch. It was a little weird at first to me see myself down there but it was such an amazing experience to get to watch my baby be born. I remember the first time I saw the top of his head and just pushing so hard because I was thinking to myself, "I've waited too many years and months and hours! I want my baby now!" The nurses kept commenting on how much hair he had. Both Autumn and Dawnita could have gone home because their shift had ended. But as Dawnita said, "We've been here all day. I'm going to see this to the end!" At first I didn't understand because when we started pushing, my doctor wasn't there. I had seen him just before but then he was gone. I didn't know that he would come back once the baby crowned. I assumed Dawnita was going to deliver my baby. For some reason I didn't think to ask. But once the baby crowned, there was Dr. S out of nowhere. It was weird to watch him kind of turn the baby's head down the birth canal and to not be able to feel it--though I'm very glad I couldn't feel it! And after just an hour of pushing, suddenly there was my baby. He had swallowed some merconium (baby poop!) and so they warned me that when he was born, they would put him on my stomach for a second while Hubs cut the umbilical cord, but we weren't allowed to touch him. They didn't want him to take that first deep breath in until they had everything cleaned out of his airway. So I saw my baby for a second which was a completely incredible second because there he was, a real-life baby, the actual baby that had been inside of me, kicking me and getting the hiccups and growing. It was so surreal and so overwhelmingly wonderful. The words 'I stand all amazed' come to mind. Anyway, the nurses then whisked the baby away to clean him up. Hubs stayed with me while the doctor stitched me up. I was hoping to not have to do an episiotomy but that baby had a big head! I guess while they stitched me up, the grandmas were on the other side of the room waiting on pins and needles for the baby to start breathing. Finally, he took that first deep breath and the grandmas were able to take a deep breath too. Instantly, the grandmas whipped out their cameras and the baby-paparrazzi began. There were all sorts of flashes going on. The baby was absolutely perfect at 7 lbs. 4 oz. and 20 inches tall. From the minute he was born, he was just so bright eyed. I remember perfectly the moment that they put him in my arms and those beautiful, bright eyes looking up to me. It was like he was saying, "Hey, mom!" I couldn't hardly believe that all of my greatest dreams were right there in my arms. He was beautiful. My heart felt like it was just exploding with love for that little guy. All of the waiting, all of the heart ache, all of the trials...everything was worth it. I never could have imagined how much I would love my baby. Hubs and I held each other and held our baby and just cried and cried. Words can't describe what it is like to be a part of a miracle.
After baby and I were all cleaned up, it was time to move to our hospital room. Hubs wheeled baby around and says Turkey was flirting with the nurses the whole time. He also waved to the baby girls in the nursery as they passed by. He is his father's son! I was pretty out of it still and so tired, so I don't remember a lot from this point on. Hubs took Turkey to get a bath and then the nurses checked his temperature and found that it had dropped. I had had a fever when the baby was born, so I was on antibiotics. They were nervous that there might have been problems with the baby because of this or also because of the merconium issue, so they took him to the NICU just for observation. We didn't think anything of this, and tried to get some rest which is very difficult with nurses checking on you often through out the night. A kind of funny memory--the nurse kept telling me that I needed to pee as soon as possible to make sure everything was working downstairs, and I was so confused because I kept thinking I had peed my pants, but then the nurse kept telling me how full my bladder was and that I needed to pee on my own or they were going to put in a catheter. Well, it turns out that when I thought I was peeing my pants, it was actually ice packs melting and leaking. Yuck! They did end up putting in a catheter which is okay when you have an epidural but not so much fun when you don't. After that, I really worked hard to pee on my own so I wouldn't have to get a catheter again. Talk about pressure! The nurse would run water and I would do visualization exercises (See yourself peeing...) and I would do these crazy dances to try to jiggle my bladder. Finally, I got things working. Apparently, Turkey had bruised my bladder on the way out so I had one unhappy bladder for awhile there!
Anyway, what was just going to be a night of observation, ended up being four days in the NICU for Turkey. They decided to put him on antibiotics because the test results usually take too long to come back and by then you might have a big problem. Our baby was the biggest baby in the NICU with the least amount of problems, but it is still so hard to see your baby all hooked up to machines and an IV. It broke my heart the first time I saw my little baby in that NICU bed with all of those tubes and wires monitoring his heart beat, oxygen level, etc. It was a difficult few days but also a blessing in some ways. Hubs and I saw it as a Parenting a Newborn For Dummies crash course. The nurses did everything at first, but then little by little taught us to do the basics--diaper changing, feeding, and holding him. If you can change a squirming newborn with wires going everywhere, then normal diaper changing is a cinch! I wanted to nurse Turkey, but had a few issues at first. First, I had a hard time waiting for my milk to come in. I think it was a little more difficult because Turkey wasn't really suckling. It was hard because the doctor wanted to make sure Turkey was eating well before he could leave the NICU but he was on an IV and so didn't feel hungry. The doctor wouldn't decrease the IV or take him off of it until he knew that he would eat but Turkey wouldn't eat while on the IV. We were caught between a rock and a hard place! When my milk finally came in, I was so sore and engorged that it was really painful to nurse (or do anything for that matter). And Turkey was having a hard time latching on because I was so engorged. We struggled with this for a couple of days. The nurses helped me a lot but we still struggled and struggled. Many times I would just give in and give the baby a bottle. I just wanted him to eat so we could get him out of the NICU and take him home! Finally, one day, my mom asked the nurse about a nipple shield. She gave me one and we tried that. It worked! Baby started nursing with no problems. I guess most lactation specialists and nurses are really opposed to using the nipple shield, but it was a miracle worker for me. (When my mom went to buy me a couple more shields just in case I lost one, the store clerk almost wouldn't sell her one because the clerk was so opposed to using them!) But I was finally able to feed my baby and that felt so reassuring. Turkey was able to latch on and we didn't have any more problems after that. We ended up using the nipple shield for about a month until I eventually was able to transition to just nursing him without it. I did a lot of research to find out what exactly was so evil about nipple shields and found that most of the writing about it mainly cited that babies tended to not get a good latch and thus not get enough milk when they nursed. But whenever I used it, I could see the milk (in fact, we would often make big messes if the shield came off. Milk would leak everywhere), and Turkey was gaining weight well and seemed satisfied.
I was released from the hospital the day before Thanksgiving, but Turkey was still in the NICU and I really didn't want to go home without him. Even though we only live about five minutes from the hospital, it wasn't the homecoming I had pictured. I just couldn't imagine going home empty handed, and I didn't like the idea of being even that far from my baby. The hospital was so good to us. They let us stay in our hospital room the entire time (four days). Basically, they told us that if it got really busy and they needed the room, they would kick us out. Otherwise, it was like we weren't there. There would be no nurses to assist me or anything, but we were welcome to use the room. We felt like squatters or homeless people hiding out in our hospital room. The room was between nurse stations and in a kind of remote area of that hospital wing, so it was sometimes creepy to me to be hanging out in this deserted area. Especially when I would get up in the middle of the night to walk down to the NICU to feed the baby. I wouldn't see a soul and I would feel like I was part of some ghost movie. Sometimes though I would see this other mom. Her baby was in the same room as mine, and we would run into each other as we would both be making our zombie-like stroll to the NICU for nighttime feedings. She was Hispanic and didn't speak much English, but I would try my limited Spanish on her. "Tu nino es muy bonito...buenas tardes...hola..." I wish I spoke more! She seemed like a really nice lady. And there weren't any nurses who spoke a whole lot of Spanish there the first couple of nights, and I thought how awful that would be to not understand what they were saying about your baby and if he is going to be okay.
The day before Turkey was finally released, Hubs convinced me to go home to get more clothes and say hello to the dogs. He was a little nervous about my mental health being cooped up in the hospital for so long. We made it about a block before I broke down. I hated being away from Turkey. I knew he was in good hands and well taken care of, but I didn't like leaving him behind. I stayed at the house just long enough to get my stuff and pet the boys. The dogs were so excited to see me. They had been pretty concerned and very upset with Hubs because I guess they thought it was his fault that I had suddenly disappeared. Hubs said that every time he came home without me, they were so mad at him. But they were troopers and put up with being cooped up in their room most of the day and night the whole time I was in the hospital. Our good neighbors would come periodically to let them out to use the bathroom. Anyway, the whole time we were away from the hospital I cried and cried. I wasn't able to pull it together until I was back in the hospital scrubbing my hands in order to enter the NICU.
Finally, the doctor gave us permission to take Turkey home. We were so excited but suddenly so petrified too. Suddenly you start wondering if you really know what you're doing and that there won't be any nurses there at the house to assist you. Hubs had read the car seat manual cover to cover and got Turkey all buckled in. We packed all of our stuff in my jeep and then we were off to our home, a brand new family. Our neighbors said they drove by us and wondered if we had the baby with us. Then the husband said, "They must. Look, he just made a full stop at that stop sign, he used his turn signal, and he's going the speed limit!" And then we were home.
So that's the story basically. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. Words are not strong enough to express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with this beautiful baby boy. Heavenly Father really helped me through this entire process, and I think I've never felt closer to Him then when I was having my baby. It is such a spiritual experience bringing a spirit into this world. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity! I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me...
EXT. HUBS AND I ARE WALKING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD, HOLDING HANDS, TALKING, LAUGHING. THE AUTUMN SCENE BEHIND US IS PICTURESQUE WITH RED, YELLOW, AND ORANGE LEAVES FLITTING DOWN AROUND US.
VOICE OVER (MY VOICE): We had wanted a baby for so long. For five and a half years we tried. Fertility drugs, three failed rounds of invitro fertilization, heartache...but here we were now, on our way to our very own little miracle. This is our baby story...
MUSIC FROM 'A BABY STORY' BEGINS TO PLAY.
INT. THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, NOVEMBER 18, 2009, I AM 9 MONTHS PREGNANT AND VERY READY TO POP (OR SO I THINK).
ME: Okay, doctor, I waited while Hubs was out of town, and I waited while you were on your cruise, but now I'm ready to have this baby! I don't think I can get any bigger!
DR: Yeah, I thought when I went on my cruise that there were two patients that were going to have their babies while I was gone. You were one of them. But neither of you had your baby! I'm really surprised! Well, your due date is the 20th, two days away, and you're dilated to a three and 50% effaced.
ME: Do you think he'll come on the 20th? I mean, I am REALLY ready to get this kid out! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can hardly move...
DR: Babies come when they want to come. But we can do something called 'stripping your membranes' if you would like. That usually gets things going.
ME: Stripping membranes? That doesn't sound so good!
DR: It's really not a big deal, and it only takes a minute. Most women say it's not that bad.
ME: Then couldn't they come up with a more user-friendly name?
THE DOCTOR THEN EXPLAINS THE PROCEDURE. (I WILL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS. SUFFICE IT TO SAY, IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL ON A PAPER BUT THE DETAILS AREN'T PRETTY!)
I LOOK AT HUBS AND THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE. FINALLY, MY FEAR OF PAIN OVERRIDES MY DESIRE TO HAVE THE BABY RIGHT THEN.
ME: How about we wait it out until after my due date and see if Mother Nature does her thing on her own?
DR: Alright, let's set an appointment for Monday, and if you haven't had your baby by then, we'll strip your membranes then.
ME: Sounds good! TO MYSELF: Sounds good? Yeah right!
Okay, I'm switching over from script format. Anyway, my last day of work was on the 20th and I have a post from that day about how hard it was to say good-bye. So many students were freaked out that I was going to have the baby any minute! But, alas, it was not to be. No headline or story on the 10 o'clock news: Middle school teacher goes into labor in the middle of class! I had been having braxton hicks for a couple of weeks and all that day, I was especially tired and having contractions, but nothing serious. So that day came and went. Saturday came and went. Mostly I just cleaned and tried to get everything in order. I was determined that this would be my last Saturday without a baby. Sunday came and went. Even people at church were like, "What are you doing here? We thought you would be having that baby by now!" I think Mother Nature makes you a little more miserable the last couple weeks of your pregnancy so that you'll look past your fears of labor and birthing and just go forward with it. I was definitely ready to evict my little occupant! I was also mentally and emotionally ready to just get on with it. The more time I had to sit and think about it, the more anxious I got. And I was really excited to meet my new little baby face-to-face.
Finally, Monday arrived. And it turned out to be a really special day, mostly because of Hubs. My doctor appointment wasn't until later that afternoon, so I woke up with this twiddle my thumbs kind of feeling. But Hubs rubbed my back for me and made me breakfast--french toast. Yum! Yum! Then he pulled out his guitar and gave me a surprise serenade. He had secretly been practicing and had learned to play 'I thought I loved you then' by Brad Paisley. As he sang that to me, I just cried and cried. When he sang the line "I can just see you with a baby on the way", he got choked up and we both just cried together. Then we went to a movie matinee and saw the ultimate chick flick--New Moon. Hubs said that he was afraid every time Jacob took off his shirt it would put me into labor! =) Though I did have contractions throughout the movie and was constantly checking the clock on my cellphone to time them! Then we grabbed some McDonald's on the way and headed to the doctor's office. Dr. Smith didn't even give me a chance to have a second thoughts. He said, "Ready?" and before I could answer, began to strip my membranes. And to all those who say that it doesn't hurt, I say, "Baloney!" It hurt like the dickens! The only thing that got me through it was focusing on NOT punching the doctor who was standing within swinging range. Granted, it was over quickly, and I survived. Dr. Smith told me that that should get things going, but if not, we scheduled an appointment for the next morning at 7:00 to induce labor. We stopped and got some movies at the Red Box and then headed home. I was crampy the rest of the day and so I mostly just stayed on the couch and cuddled with Hubs and a heating pad. We watched Transformers 2, Star Trek, and G.I. Joe. Hubs felt like we needed to see some blow-things-up movies after the chick flick afternoon! I fell asleep during G.I. Joe (which people tell me isn't a great loss) and at some point, Hubs woke me up to go upstairs and go to bed.
I stumbled upstairs, climbed into bed, and tried to go to sleep. This was around midnight. An hour later, I woke up and really didn't feel well. I just felt so crampy and the contractions were getting really strong. I lay there for awhile crying and trying to decide if I was in labor and should wake up Hubs. Finally, I couldn't take the pain any more, and woke Hubs up with my crying. He asked if it was time to go to the hospital, but I was so afraid that it was false labor and that we would go to the hospital only to be sent home again. I thought, "If this isn't labor, I don't think I can handle it!" But the contractions were coming regularly and really close together, so Hubs finally talked me into going to the hospital. Hubs had the routine down. He got the dogs put away (they were so cute, by the way! I was trying to walk around and get my things, but I was doubled over and crying, and both dogs stayed really close to me but were very careful not to bump me or get in my way which is no easy feat for 200 lbs. of dog! And Gus had so much concern in his eyes when he would look at me. They definitely knew something was up!) As we were driving, Hubs called my mom, but I made him hang up because, again, I wasn't sure I was really in labor, and I didn't want to raise the alarm. But the phone rang once, and my mom was on her way. I swear she had been sleeping out in her van for the past month! When we got to the hospital, I hobbled in and sat on a bench in the foyer while I waited for Hubs to park the car. Then we took the elevator to the next floor and checked in. I had pre-registered so it was a fairly quick process. We were then taken to a room, and they checked me to see how far along I was. I remember being so nervous that they would say, "Nope! False alarm! Go home and sleep it off!" But instead they said I was dilated to a five and proceeded to get me all set up. The nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural to which I responded, "YES!" Then she asked if I wanted to wait or if I wanted it right away to which I responded, "NOW!" By this time, those contractions were really hurting, and I was curled into a ball with my face pressed between the bed frame and the mattress. For some reason the pressure seemed to help. I was also remembering how in our birthing class, the instructor had us flex our biceps and told us that contractions were just flexing muscles and that if we thought about them in that way, it wouldn't hurt. It would just feel like flexing your bicep. I wanted to flex my bicep on her at that moment. I remember signing some forms and being asked questions, but I don't remember what it was all about because I was just focused on the pain. Good thing Hubs was there to take care of everything. They got an IV started and got me hooked up to the baby monitor so I could listen to my baby's heart which is always a comfort. Within that hour I was dilated to a seven. The epidural guy finally arrived. It was kind of funny because they had to find him and wake him up, and he looked it! He hair and clothes were disheveled and he had the five o'clock shadow thing going on. I was a little nervous because one, they were about to stick a giant needle in my spine, and two, he didn't look awake. But the epidural actually wasn't too bad. It hurt a little but I was hurting so much with the contractions that it really wasn't that bad. He had me sit up on the bed and lean over Hubs while he inserted the catheter. It was about that time that my mom showed up. It was good to see her! She must have really hauled to get there so quickly! Well, I guess I reacted poorly to the epidural at first because I remember telling the guy that I was feeling dizzy and then suddenly I felt like I was falling. I think I lost consciousness for a moment. Hubs said that I turned as white as the sheets and my blood pressure dropped to something like 59 over 20. When I came to, I was dry heaving. Lucky me, I'm not good at throwing up, but I can heave as good as the best of them! The guy (I'm avoiding trying to spell anesthesiologist) calmly put something in my IV, and I started to feel better. But then it happened one more time. He put a little more in my IV, and I was good after that. Apparently, the whole ordeal really freaked Hubs out. He didn't want to say anything to make me panic, but I could tell by his face that he had been really afraid. Later, he would tell me that it was the worse moment in his life because he was so afraid of losing me.
Around this time it was about four in the morning. I was dilated to a seven and almost completely effaced. Unfortunately, the epidural slowed everything down and I got stuck at that point. I tried at one point, to go without the epidural, and things started to pick up but I couldn't handle the pain. I know, I know, I'm a wuss! I have to say that the epidural was so nice though. I couldn't feel anything and only really knew I was having contractions by watching on the machine that I was hooked up to. Once, Hubs was moving my legs for me and I looked down and said, "Ow!" Hubs asked, "Did that hurt? I'm sorry!" And I responded, "No, I can't feel anything. It just looks like it would hurt!" It was so weird to see my legs but not feel them.
At some point early that morning, Hubs' parents arrived. And then we waited. I was on a drug to increase my contractions and try to move the labor along which they would come in and increase every half hour. My mom and Hubs' mom kept wanting to push the button to increase my contractions, but I wouldn't let them! =) They were funny. They were just as anxious as we were. On the machine that showed my contractions, it also showed the other women who were in labor. My mom acted like she was at the horse races. "Come on! Room number 302 is peaking and beating you!" My mom was also excited because when she was out in the hall at some point she got to help a Hispanic man find his wife by using her limited Spanish skills. I was waiting for her to throw on some scrubs and start making the rounds with the nurses!
So then we waited and waited and waited. We went through three shifts of nurses. The nurses that were with me most of the time were Dawnita and Autumn. They were so sweet! I think of them as my guardian angels because they took such good care of me. At one point, I began to really hurt on my right side. It felt like the time I had a kidney infection. Dawnita and Autumn were making their rounds, so the head nurse was taking care of me. She was very efficient but had no bedside manner. She came in, we told her the problem, and she told us that the epidural works with gravity and because I had been laying on the same side for so long, the epidural wasn't getting to my right side. So all the pain of labor was being focused on that side. She said I had to lie on that side so the drugs would move that way. And with no further discussion, she came over and just flipped me onto my right side. It hurt so bad to put pressure on that side. I was sobbing! (As you read this, you are probably thinking, "what a wuss!" I know I am!) Luckily, Dawnita came back and wasn't happy with the pain I was in. She said that something was wrong with the epidural and got another anesthesiologist in to help. At this point I was blacking out a little, but Hubs tells me that he injected some drug (probably a localized anesthetic) into the side that was hurting, and immediately I began to feel so much better.
Those were the big events during my labor. Mostly we just sat there and waited. I remember being so hungry and thirsty. It was right before Thanksgiving so there were all kinds of yummy food commercials on T.V. Mostly, though, I just wanted a drink of water so badly! But I wasn't allowed anything but ice chips! Some times the time seemed to drag a little, but overall, I'm surprised at how quickly it seemed to go for me. When I heard stories of women being in labor for hours and hours, I couldn't imagine how they did it. But there I was. Five hours. Ten hours. Fifteen hours. The doctor would call and check up on me but we were stuck at the precipice of delivery...almost there but not quite. The nurses were concerned because apparently baby didn't want to come out. He kept bobbing up. He was head down and in position but then he would float up and not engage into my pelvis like he was supposed to. I imagine him with his toes curled around my ribs saying, "I'm not going! No one can make me!" After so many hours, our nurse, Dawnita, was getting concerned that we were going to have to do a c-section because they couldn't get the baby down. I was scared about doing a c-section and thought it was unfair if I would have to do 15 hours of labor and then a c-section too. The doctor was also concerned that we would have to use suction or forceps to get the baby down or that we would have to do a c-section. Hubs figured out a solution. He called two of our buddies, Darrell and Clay, and they came to the hospital to give me a blessing. The nurses probably thought I was a terrible person because Clay is a quadriplegic and when he came into the room, I shouted, "Clay, I can't feel my legs!" But I was drugged and tired and they didn't know how Clay picks on me constantly! So they gave me a blessing and after they left the room, Dawnita checked me and miraculously the baby was in position and ready to go. So she said, "You're ready to go! Let's do this!" I have never had such an immediate answer to a blessing. It was a wonderful experience.
They had warned me that pushing can be a few hours, but, luckily, I only had to do an hour of pushing. It was cool because I could feel my stomach hardening when I got a good contraction and that was when it was time to push. Autumn was on one side holding my leg and Hubs on the other. Hubs was so awesome. He stayed by my side and encouraged me the whole time. He kept telling me that I was doing a good job and how proud he was of me. They put a mirror up so that I could watch. It was a little weird at first to me see myself down there but it was such an amazing experience to get to watch my baby be born. I remember the first time I saw the top of his head and just pushing so hard because I was thinking to myself, "I've waited too many years and months and hours! I want my baby now!" The nurses kept commenting on how much hair he had. Both Autumn and Dawnita could have gone home because their shift had ended. But as Dawnita said, "We've been here all day. I'm going to see this to the end!" At first I didn't understand because when we started pushing, my doctor wasn't there. I had seen him just before but then he was gone. I didn't know that he would come back once the baby crowned. I assumed Dawnita was going to deliver my baby. For some reason I didn't think to ask. But once the baby crowned, there was Dr. S out of nowhere. It was weird to watch him kind of turn the baby's head down the birth canal and to not be able to feel it--though I'm very glad I couldn't feel it! And after just an hour of pushing, suddenly there was my baby. He had swallowed some merconium (baby poop!) and so they warned me that when he was born, they would put him on my stomach for a second while Hubs cut the umbilical cord, but we weren't allowed to touch him. They didn't want him to take that first deep breath in until they had everything cleaned out of his airway. So I saw my baby for a second which was a completely incredible second because there he was, a real-life baby, the actual baby that had been inside of me, kicking me and getting the hiccups and growing. It was so surreal and so overwhelmingly wonderful. The words 'I stand all amazed' come to mind. Anyway, the nurses then whisked the baby away to clean him up. Hubs stayed with me while the doctor stitched me up. I was hoping to not have to do an episiotomy but that baby had a big head! I guess while they stitched me up, the grandmas were on the other side of the room waiting on pins and needles for the baby to start breathing. Finally, he took that first deep breath and the grandmas were able to take a deep breath too. Instantly, the grandmas whipped out their cameras and the baby-paparrazzi began. There were all sorts of flashes going on. The baby was absolutely perfect at 7 lbs. 4 oz. and 20 inches tall. From the minute he was born, he was just so bright eyed. I remember perfectly the moment that they put him in my arms and those beautiful, bright eyes looking up to me. It was like he was saying, "Hey, mom!" I couldn't hardly believe that all of my greatest dreams were right there in my arms. He was beautiful. My heart felt like it was just exploding with love for that little guy. All of the waiting, all of the heart ache, all of the trials...everything was worth it. I never could have imagined how much I would love my baby. Hubs and I held each other and held our baby and just cried and cried. Words can't describe what it is like to be a part of a miracle.
After baby and I were all cleaned up, it was time to move to our hospital room. Hubs wheeled baby around and says Turkey was flirting with the nurses the whole time. He also waved to the baby girls in the nursery as they passed by. He is his father's son! I was pretty out of it still and so tired, so I don't remember a lot from this point on. Hubs took Turkey to get a bath and then the nurses checked his temperature and found that it had dropped. I had had a fever when the baby was born, so I was on antibiotics. They were nervous that there might have been problems with the baby because of this or also because of the merconium issue, so they took him to the NICU just for observation. We didn't think anything of this, and tried to get some rest which is very difficult with nurses checking on you often through out the night. A kind of funny memory--the nurse kept telling me that I needed to pee as soon as possible to make sure everything was working downstairs, and I was so confused because I kept thinking I had peed my pants, but then the nurse kept telling me how full my bladder was and that I needed to pee on my own or they were going to put in a catheter. Well, it turns out that when I thought I was peeing my pants, it was actually ice packs melting and leaking. Yuck! They did end up putting in a catheter which is okay when you have an epidural but not so much fun when you don't. After that, I really worked hard to pee on my own so I wouldn't have to get a catheter again. Talk about pressure! The nurse would run water and I would do visualization exercises (See yourself peeing...) and I would do these crazy dances to try to jiggle my bladder. Finally, I got things working. Apparently, Turkey had bruised my bladder on the way out so I had one unhappy bladder for awhile there!
Anyway, what was just going to be a night of observation, ended up being four days in the NICU for Turkey. They decided to put him on antibiotics because the test results usually take too long to come back and by then you might have a big problem. Our baby was the biggest baby in the NICU with the least amount of problems, but it is still so hard to see your baby all hooked up to machines and an IV. It broke my heart the first time I saw my little baby in that NICU bed with all of those tubes and wires monitoring his heart beat, oxygen level, etc. It was a difficult few days but also a blessing in some ways. Hubs and I saw it as a Parenting a Newborn For Dummies crash course. The nurses did everything at first, but then little by little taught us to do the basics--diaper changing, feeding, and holding him. If you can change a squirming newborn with wires going everywhere, then normal diaper changing is a cinch! I wanted to nurse Turkey, but had a few issues at first. First, I had a hard time waiting for my milk to come in. I think it was a little more difficult because Turkey wasn't really suckling. It was hard because the doctor wanted to make sure Turkey was eating well before he could leave the NICU but he was on an IV and so didn't feel hungry. The doctor wouldn't decrease the IV or take him off of it until he knew that he would eat but Turkey wouldn't eat while on the IV. We were caught between a rock and a hard place! When my milk finally came in, I was so sore and engorged that it was really painful to nurse (or do anything for that matter). And Turkey was having a hard time latching on because I was so engorged. We struggled with this for a couple of days. The nurses helped me a lot but we still struggled and struggled. Many times I would just give in and give the baby a bottle. I just wanted him to eat so we could get him out of the NICU and take him home! Finally, one day, my mom asked the nurse about a nipple shield. She gave me one and we tried that. It worked! Baby started nursing with no problems. I guess most lactation specialists and nurses are really opposed to using the nipple shield, but it was a miracle worker for me. (When my mom went to buy me a couple more shields just in case I lost one, the store clerk almost wouldn't sell her one because the clerk was so opposed to using them!) But I was finally able to feed my baby and that felt so reassuring. Turkey was able to latch on and we didn't have any more problems after that. We ended up using the nipple shield for about a month until I eventually was able to transition to just nursing him without it. I did a lot of research to find out what exactly was so evil about nipple shields and found that most of the writing about it mainly cited that babies tended to not get a good latch and thus not get enough milk when they nursed. But whenever I used it, I could see the milk (in fact, we would often make big messes if the shield came off. Milk would leak everywhere), and Turkey was gaining weight well and seemed satisfied.
I was released from the hospital the day before Thanksgiving, but Turkey was still in the NICU and I really didn't want to go home without him. Even though we only live about five minutes from the hospital, it wasn't the homecoming I had pictured. I just couldn't imagine going home empty handed, and I didn't like the idea of being even that far from my baby. The hospital was so good to us. They let us stay in our hospital room the entire time (four days). Basically, they told us that if it got really busy and they needed the room, they would kick us out. Otherwise, it was like we weren't there. There would be no nurses to assist me or anything, but we were welcome to use the room. We felt like squatters or homeless people hiding out in our hospital room. The room was between nurse stations and in a kind of remote area of that hospital wing, so it was sometimes creepy to me to be hanging out in this deserted area. Especially when I would get up in the middle of the night to walk down to the NICU to feed the baby. I wouldn't see a soul and I would feel like I was part of some ghost movie. Sometimes though I would see this other mom. Her baby was in the same room as mine, and we would run into each other as we would both be making our zombie-like stroll to the NICU for nighttime feedings. She was Hispanic and didn't speak much English, but I would try my limited Spanish on her. "Tu nino es muy bonito...buenas tardes...hola..." I wish I spoke more! She seemed like a really nice lady. And there weren't any nurses who spoke a whole lot of Spanish there the first couple of nights, and I thought how awful that would be to not understand what they were saying about your baby and if he is going to be okay.
The day before Turkey was finally released, Hubs convinced me to go home to get more clothes and say hello to the dogs. He was a little nervous about my mental health being cooped up in the hospital for so long. We made it about a block before I broke down. I hated being away from Turkey. I knew he was in good hands and well taken care of, but I didn't like leaving him behind. I stayed at the house just long enough to get my stuff and pet the boys. The dogs were so excited to see me. They had been pretty concerned and very upset with Hubs because I guess they thought it was his fault that I had suddenly disappeared. Hubs said that every time he came home without me, they were so mad at him. But they were troopers and put up with being cooped up in their room most of the day and night the whole time I was in the hospital. Our good neighbors would come periodically to let them out to use the bathroom. Anyway, the whole time we were away from the hospital I cried and cried. I wasn't able to pull it together until I was back in the hospital scrubbing my hands in order to enter the NICU.
Finally, the doctor gave us permission to take Turkey home. We were so excited but suddenly so petrified too. Suddenly you start wondering if you really know what you're doing and that there won't be any nurses there at the house to assist you. Hubs had read the car seat manual cover to cover and got Turkey all buckled in. We packed all of our stuff in my jeep and then we were off to our home, a brand new family. Our neighbors said they drove by us and wondered if we had the baby with us. Then the husband said, "They must. Look, he just made a full stop at that stop sign, he used his turn signal, and he's going the speed limit!" And then we were home.
So that's the story basically. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. Words are not strong enough to express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with this beautiful baby boy. Heavenly Father really helped me through this entire process, and I think I've never felt closer to Him then when I was having my baby. It is such a spiritual experience bringing a spirit into this world. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity! I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Colts weren't the only ones to have a bad night!
It all began with the Superbowl. As I chowed down on kielbasa and sauerkraut, caramel popcorn, chips and salsa, meatballs, and any other junk food within a 10 foot radius; and as I chatted and joked with good friends from the neighborhood; and as I watched the Superbowl, not knowing who to cheer for--always a fan of Manning but also of the underdog; my belly began to hurt. At first I thought maybe I had eaten a little too much. Then I wondered if I had food poisoning. But I didn't feel sick necessarily, my tummy just hurt really bad. At half time, I handed the baby over to Hubs because my stomach was hurting too much for me to hold him. A little into 3rd quarter, I told Hubs that I needed to go home. I could barely make it out to the car! We went home, and I curled up into a miserable, sobbing ball on the bed. Hubs was trying to take care of the baby, who was crying, and me, who was also crying. Finally, it got so bad that we decided that I better go to Urgent Care. We called Hub's parents, and they met us at the Urgent Care to get the baby. He was such a trooper. He hung out on the bed next to me moaning and groaning while Hubs got everything ready for us to leave and didn't make a peep. Hubs in true hero style got the baby and all of his stuff out to the car, got the dogs put away for the night, and had to carry me out to the car because I was in too much pain to even walk. He's amazing! At the Urgent Care, the doctor said it looked like we better go to the emergency room. Papa and Grandma took the baby, and we headed off to the ER. Just our luck, we hit every red light on the way! Hubs was starting to get frantic because he hates situations where he can't fix things! Finally, we arrived at the hospital, rushed into the ER...and couldn't find anyone to help us. It was like a ghost town with just a couple of sick people waiting in chairs. A few minutes later, a nurse came out and asked if we had been helped. A few more minutes later, the nurse got my name and jotted down my symptoms. A few more minutes later, the nurse finally took us toward a room. A few more minutes later, after standing in the hall because the room wasn't cleaned yet, I finally got to lie down again. An hour and a half later, we finally saw signs of any hospital staff. I seriously lay on that bed for over an hour and not even a nurse or anyone even popped their head in to check on me. No one came to take blood or have me pee in a cup to run tests or anything. I was in the little hospital gown and cold, and at first, Hubs had his jacket over me. Eventually, he went and found the stash of heated blankets and brought me some. An hour and a half! I hope they were so busy saving lives right and left and not finishing watching the Superbowl! =) Anyway, finally someone came in to see. And who was it? A nurse to finally take care of me? A doctor to try to figure out the problem? No, it was the lady who handles billing to get my insurance info. and get our co-payment. Next time I'm listing 'bleeding money' as one of my symptoms. That should get me immediate attention! And I'll say more about the insurance thing in a minute. A few minutes later, the doctor finally came in. He was a nice guy, just starting his night shift. I told him my symptoms and he gave me the once over. He told me it was hard to figure out the problem because where I was complaining of pain, there isn't really anything to hurt. My symptoms were kind of all over the place. In one way it sounded like it could be one thing, but then another symptom made it look like another. So we started at square one and worked our way through it. I had two conflicting thoughts on the matter: One, I didn't want to have something wrong with me, but, two, I didn't want to have gone through all of this hassle for something like gas. First, they decided to put me on an IV and get some happy medicine. The poor guy trying to get the IV in wasn't doing so good. Strangely, he looked like a student I once taught named Chance. Anyone who knows Chance, knows he's a good kid, but would you want him sticking a needle in you? Probably not? Well, maybe this guy and Chance are related, because after two painful tries, the kid decided to let the nurse do it. He was a nice kid though (and I still think that even after he used me as a pin cushion!) I did get my chance finally to pee in a cup and to give away my blood and that was all sent away to be tested. The nurse finally got the IV to work and pretty soon the happy medicine started to kick in. (You'll notice by now that the key word of this blog entry is 'finally'!) I had to drink three cocktails of apple juice and this dye in preparation for a CT scan. They took me in to do an ultrasound. The girl who did the ultrasound was so nice. Unfortunately for her, at that point in my medicated state, I was feeling quite chatty, and I'm pretty sure I told her my entire life story! And here's a first: the girl actually said, "Your ovaries look good!" That's not a statement I've ever heard! I asked to get it in writing! After the ultrasound, I was at the half-conscious, inebriated state. This is where things start getting a little foggy. I remember telling Hubs that the ultrasound said we're having twins. I remember being taken in to do the CT scan and the nurse kept asking me to repeat what I was saying because I guess I was mumbling and slurring my speech. I remember that as I did the CT scan, a radio was playing in the background and it was playing Sheryl Crow's The First Cut is the Deepest which I would later find ironic. And I remember the machine telling me to breathe. I will not mention, however, the dancing and singing purple and pink elephants...
By the time they took me back to Hubs, I was out cold. They looked at the scans and informed Hubs that it was my appendix and that it needed to come out. It was about two in the morning, so they decided to wait a few hours and take it out Monday morning. I vaguely remember this kid wheeling me to my hospital room. I think he said that his name was James, and he was quite the chatterbox. He was young and looked like this kid named Jimmy that I once went spelunking at Nutty Putty cave with. I really think James and Jimmy are the same person because Jimmy was really chatty too, including reciting love poetry as we squirmed through tunnels. I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "Oh, but it wasn't a dream! It was a place! And you - and you - and you - and you were there. But you couldn't have been, could you?"
Anyway, around seven or eight I met my surgeon and then the next thing I knew, I was trying to wake up and my mom and Hubs were there laughing at me. I slept pretty much all of Monday and have kind of just been taking it easy this week. Hubs parents brought the baby home Monday night. I was so glad to see him. I was missing him big time! That little stinker totally milked the situation (literally) by convincing grandma that he needed to eat at least every two hours instead of every three. He came home with big, chubby cheeks and a great, big smile. Thank goodness for good family and friends! My poor mom stayed and took care of me Monday and Tuesday, but then had to go home because she didn't feel well. Turns out she has bronchitis! Poor Hubs has been helping with the baby and taking care of me and going to work and doing his school work...he was starting to get burned out with everything on his plate so I decided to throw one more thing on there! My neighbor came and sat with me on Wednesday and helped take care of the baby since I couldn't lift him yet. Finally, yesterday I was able to start lifting him and taking care of him better. The only problem is that I still need to take pain meds now and then, and I can't take care of Turkey when I'm drugged. I get really loopy! So today my Aunt T is taking care of him while I blog. I'm spoiled! =) And the ward probably thinks that I'm constantly coming up with medical excuses so I don't have to cook and people will bring us food! I can't say that I mind the home-cooked meals coming from other homes!
So it has been quite the adventure here the past week. Oh, and did I mention that I got a speeding ticket last Friday? That started my bad luck weekend! I was going 40 mph in a 35 mph zone. My pristine, perfect driving record shattered over 5 mph?! It was out in G-ville while I was visiting my family and going to my cousin's baby shower. The police officer gave me a list of good things I was doing (baby in a car seat, everyone in seat belts, pulled way over for him, license and registration good, insurance good) and said he would just give me a warning but he was on a speed shift. In other words, he had to meet a quota! Darn! It's probably off to traffic school for me. I guess it's not as bad as six years ago when I got pulled over by a police officer on foot! =) Hubs still likes to tease me about that!
Oh, I forgot to write about the insurance thing. Well, we were on my insurance but since I resigned, switched over to Hubs' insurance. My insurance officially ended on January 31st. On Friday I took over the paperwork to get us started on Hubs' insurance. So we were covered when I went to the hospital. However, we didn't think about it at the time, but it turns out that the hospital we went to isn't covered on our new insurance. Because it isn't one of the covered hospitals, there's something like a $4000 deductible. Ouch! Here's where Hubs now needs to go to the ER for a heart attack! I think we've got it figured out now where we'll leave me on COBRA with my insurance since my insurance covers that hospital and then switch me over in a month. What a mess! If I had just waited a couple of weeks, we would have had this information. Oh well. C'est la vie! Everything is a learning experience for sure!
Well, I better be off. I have a couple of posts saved as drafts for some reason, so I'll try to get those posted too. It might be 'Fifty Posts Friday'!
By the time they took me back to Hubs, I was out cold. They looked at the scans and informed Hubs that it was my appendix and that it needed to come out. It was about two in the morning, so they decided to wait a few hours and take it out Monday morning. I vaguely remember this kid wheeling me to my hospital room. I think he said that his name was James, and he was quite the chatterbox. He was young and looked like this kid named Jimmy that I once went spelunking at Nutty Putty cave with. I really think James and Jimmy are the same person because Jimmy was really chatty too, including reciting love poetry as we squirmed through tunnels. I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, "Oh, but it wasn't a dream! It was a place! And you - and you - and you - and you were there. But you couldn't have been, could you?"
Anyway, around seven or eight I met my surgeon and then the next thing I knew, I was trying to wake up and my mom and Hubs were there laughing at me. I slept pretty much all of Monday and have kind of just been taking it easy this week. Hubs parents brought the baby home Monday night. I was so glad to see him. I was missing him big time! That little stinker totally milked the situation (literally) by convincing grandma that he needed to eat at least every two hours instead of every three. He came home with big, chubby cheeks and a great, big smile. Thank goodness for good family and friends! My poor mom stayed and took care of me Monday and Tuesday, but then had to go home because she didn't feel well. Turns out she has bronchitis! Poor Hubs has been helping with the baby and taking care of me and going to work and doing his school work...he was starting to get burned out with everything on his plate so I decided to throw one more thing on there! My neighbor came and sat with me on Wednesday and helped take care of the baby since I couldn't lift him yet. Finally, yesterday I was able to start lifting him and taking care of him better. The only problem is that I still need to take pain meds now and then, and I can't take care of Turkey when I'm drugged. I get really loopy! So today my Aunt T is taking care of him while I blog. I'm spoiled! =) And the ward probably thinks that I'm constantly coming up with medical excuses so I don't have to cook and people will bring us food! I can't say that I mind the home-cooked meals coming from other homes!
So it has been quite the adventure here the past week. Oh, and did I mention that I got a speeding ticket last Friday? That started my bad luck weekend! I was going 40 mph in a 35 mph zone. My pristine, perfect driving record shattered over 5 mph?! It was out in G-ville while I was visiting my family and going to my cousin's baby shower. The police officer gave me a list of good things I was doing (baby in a car seat, everyone in seat belts, pulled way over for him, license and registration good, insurance good) and said he would just give me a warning but he was on a speed shift. In other words, he had to meet a quota! Darn! It's probably off to traffic school for me. I guess it's not as bad as six years ago when I got pulled over by a police officer on foot! =) Hubs still likes to tease me about that!
Oh, I forgot to write about the insurance thing. Well, we were on my insurance but since I resigned, switched over to Hubs' insurance. My insurance officially ended on January 31st. On Friday I took over the paperwork to get us started on Hubs' insurance. So we were covered when I went to the hospital. However, we didn't think about it at the time, but it turns out that the hospital we went to isn't covered on our new insurance. Because it isn't one of the covered hospitals, there's something like a $4000 deductible. Ouch! Here's where Hubs now needs to go to the ER for a heart attack! I think we've got it figured out now where we'll leave me on COBRA with my insurance since my insurance covers that hospital and then switch me over in a month. What a mess! If I had just waited a couple of weeks, we would have had this information. Oh well. C'est la vie! Everything is a learning experience for sure!
Well, I better be off. I have a couple of posts saved as drafts for some reason, so I'll try to get those posted too. It might be 'Fifty Posts Friday'!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)