Wow! It has been over a year since I last blogged. And what a year it has been! Today I want to write about miracles. My life has been full of miracles, especially lately. At 12:59 a.m. on August 29th, I gave birth to my fourth baby. That in itself was a miracle. It was only six years ago that I was trying to come to terms with the idea that I might not be able to have children. Then almost five years ago, close to Thanksgiving, I had my first miracle, Sam. Almost three years ago, around this time, we were at Primary Children's Hospital, with Mark, learning about daily miracles and the power of prayer. Then two years ago, in October, we welcomed our third little surprise miracle into our family, Cole. And last week, Lucy taught us yet again about miracles and blessings in our life.
I was so surprised and shocked when I found out that I was pregnant again. My ENT was actually the first person I told because I had just done a pregnancy test right before I went to my follow-up doctor appointment after having ear surgery. I was still having some issues and not hearing very well out of my ear, and the doctor was giving his plan of action and I said, "What if I'm pregnant?" That changed those plans. Then when I was reporting to Nic about my doctor's appointment, I told him that we decided not to do anything about my ear problems right then because I was pregnant. Then I burst into tears. Nic was so cute. I wasn't sure how he would react. To be honest, having three kids under the age of four can be a little rough. I was afraid announcing another one might push Nic over the edge. But he was so excited and gave me big hugs. And thus started our fourth journey.
We both said that we didn't care whether this baby was a boy or girl as long as it was healthy and okay. But I have to admit that I secretly hoped in my heart for a little girl. When I was first pregnant with Sam, I kept having these dreams of a little baby girl. Then I had a boy. I had the same dreams when I was pregnant with Mark. Then I had a boy. Again, I had the same dreams when I was pregnant with Cole. Again, I had a boy. (Don't get me wrong; I love my boys and would be perfectly happy with a house full of them). I wasn't sure if these dreams were personal revelation or wishful thinking. But it was always the same little baby girl in every dream. Nic and I were talking that this would probably be the last baby for us, so I was pretty nervous on the day of our ultrasound/find out. I kept saying that I would be just as excited if it was a boy and I knew that I would love the baby no matter what, but I was praying and hoping that it would be a little girl. And it was. The technician showed us our baby and said, "well, you know what that means." I can't ever see things very well on the ultrasound, so I didn't know what it meant. I was still holding my breath when she finally said, "It's a girl!" We were so excited and suddenly so nervous, because this meant our world was about to change dramatically in a few months!
This pregnancy was more difficult on my body than the other ones. It was difficult with Cole because I got so big and towards the end, couldn't stand up for more than ten minutes. But with this pregnancy, I ended up with gestational diabetes and a severe iron deficiency. With the diabetes, I was able to control it with diet and exercise and didn't need to do insulin shots or anything. I just had to prick my finger and do a blood test four times a day. I didn't think I could do it at first, but it ended up not being a big deal. It was a good wake up call for me that I (and my family) needed to eat and live in a much healthier way. Good thing for summer gardens and fresh veggies! I gained a much greater respect for people who deal with diabetes every day, like my nephew, William. You don't realize that it's not just sugar, but carbs, and that there's so much that you have to think about and adjust in your life.
The iron deficiency was probably the most difficult thing for me. Being low on iron drains your energy so much. I was already tired just from being pregnant, low iron turned me into a zombie! Some days I could hardly think straight and do basic functions like getting the boys and me dressed. I can't swallow pills, so I had to take liquid iron. I've compared it to walking along and finding a rusted bucket full of liquid and drinking it. It tastes so horrible. By the end of my pregnancy, I had to do double doses of iron, and my body still wasn't really absorbing it. After I had Lucy, I had to have an IV of iron. I joked with Papa J and my mom, both soda pop addicts, that I was getting my Pepsi intravenously.
I also joked that I had never had so much estrogen in my body in my entire life. I cried at the drop of a hat over the silliest things. My emotions were all over the place. I could be laughing one minute, crying the next. It was so crazy!
About two weeks before I had Lucy, I broke out in a really itchy rash and hives. The doctor tried a couple of things to treat it as an infection. I tried about every anti-itch cream, powder, spray out there. I was miserable. I would lie awake at night and just scratch and try not to scratch and scratch and try not to scratch. My legs and tummy were covered in bruises probably from my scratching. On Thur., August 28th, I had just started to take a prescription steroid to see if it was an allergic reaction to something and to try to get my immune system to calm down. (I later found out that the rash was probably something called PUPPs, a pregnancy related rash).
The evening of the 28th, we went to Papa J and Grandma J's house to celebrate Papa J's birthday. We had lots of pizza and a fun evening hanging out outside and enjoying the nice weather. We got home around 9:30 p.m. and got the boys in their jammies and off to bed. Then we went to bed. Every night when I go to bed, I try to have baby time where I do kick counts and focus on the baby movements for my own peace of mind. Well, I climbed in bed, laid down on my left side, gave my tummy a few little nudges, and waited to feel baby Lulu. Nothing. I shifted, gave a few more nudges. Still nothing. Normally, Lulu responded quickly, and she was usually very harsh with her movements. I joked that it usually felt like she had broken off one of my ribs and was trying to dig her way out. There were many times when she made me cry from dragging across my tummy so hard, and usually she was quite visible in her movements. But that night, there wasn't anything. She actually had a foot or leg that was pushed against my stomach that I was able to grab hold of and move her. But even physically moving her, she didn't respond back. Even Nic grabbed hold and moved her, but she didn't move back. We knew that something wasn't right. Within seconds, I was on the phone with the on-call doctor, and Nic was on his phone with Nanny to see if she could come stay with the boys. I was so freaked out and crying, but Nic said a prayer that I could be calm and that Lulu would be okay which helped me calm down a little. Within minutes, Nanny was pulling into the driveway as we were pulling out to head to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital and proceeded to do a no-stress test where they monitor the baby's heartbeat. At first, the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat. I don't think Nic and I took a breath during the couple of minutes that it took to find Lulu's heartbeat. But soon, the beautiful sound of her heart beating filled the room. They monitored her heart beat for 20 minutes, and while her heart was beating, they didn't like how it was acting. They called my doctor, and he told them he would be there in 15 minutes and to have me ready.
It was so surreal and crazy when the nurse walked into the room and said, "How about we have this baby tonight?" I was in shock. I had kept telling Nic that I didn't feel like Baby Lulu was going to wait until her due date, but this totally took me by surprise. My due date was September 13th. I was scheduled for my c-section on September 8th. And here we were the last week of August. If Lulu had been born in September, we would have had a birthday in August, September, October, and November. But it was not to be. And I guess miracles don't follow carefully laid out plans. I had a cleaning schedule and a to-do list schedule so that everything would be in place and ready for Lulu by September 8th. Having her on August 29th wasn't on that schedule! We didn't even have the cradle in the house yet. It was still in storage out in the garage. I remember texting my sister, who is absolutely amazing, with my long list of to-do's.
There's laundry in the washer...could you throw the baby clothes and blankets into the washer...there's a pile of dishes in the sink...the dishwasher is half unloaded...I haven't made the big brother shirts yet...the groceries are still on the counter...I also had all these plans to be better prepared for my c-section this time. But there I was at midnight, slathered in Gold Bond anti-itch cream, with pizza heartburn, a red blotchy face from crying, messy hair, and no camera to capture Lulu's big debut. Luckily, miracles don't care about any of those things.
We texted my sister, my parents, and Nic's parents to let them know that Lulu was on her way. I was given my IV (which, for me, is the WORST part of having a baby). I have really difficult veins and I'm a difficult patient, so drawing blood and IVs usually involve much needle pricks and lots of crying on my part. When I had my blood drawn for my pre-natal blood tests, it took seven pokes and three different people and left me with some nice bruises. Anytime, I have to draw blood or get an IV, we automatically request the "sharp-shooter". If you don't think you can do it on the first try, if you have even a doubt, then step away! Well, the head nurse did my IV, and she assured me that she was good. And maybe she was good, but she was no match for my veins. It took two tries, and she left me with this:
I was taken into the operating room where the anesthesiologist got me all numbed up and ready. And then it was time. My doctor, Dr. Smith, delivered all of my babies, and he was there and ready to go. For being the middle of the night, everyone was fairly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!
Some things about getting a c-section:
- I always shake like crazy before and after getting the epidural. It's like hanging out in Antarctica in a bikini.
- I always try to pass out. This time, the room was starting to spin, but I couldn't think of the word, so I said, "I'm feeling queasy." So the anesthesiologist and Nic were trying to find me a puke bucket, but I was trying to stay conscious. I guess my blood pressure tanked, the anesthesiologist gave me a shot of something in my IV, and all was well again.
- Your husband can choose to watch or not watch. Nic decided to watch this time. He said it was "interesting" to see my insides all laid out to the side.
- It is really weird to feel things being moved around. It doesn't hurt, but you can definitely feel when they take the baby from your body.
- There is nothing as wonderful as finally hearing that first baby cry. I couldn't see anything and kept asking Nic what was going on. "Can you see her yet?" "Is everything okay?" Finally, I heard that wonderful first cry. I'm crying as I type this because it's just so hard to describe the sound of a new human being making her first sound on this earth and knowing that that precious soul is straight from heaven right then. It's better than angels singing.
Here's where the miracle part comes in. Apparently, Lulu had the cord wrapped around her neck pretty tight in the hangman's noose. She wouldn't have made it to Sept. 8th how she was. She wouldn't have made it to my doctor appointment that week. It was lucky/inspired that my doctor decided to deliver her that night instead of maybe the next day. I don't know why we received such a miracle. I have good friends who have lost babies, and I know that miracles don't come based on how much we deserve them or how much God loves us. It's all just part of a grand plan of which we only see a little part. But I am so eternally grateful for the miracles in my life. Whenever there was a nurse shift change while we were at the hospital, the leaving nurse would introduce Lulu to the new nurse as "the miracle baby". It was good to hear that repeatedly as a reminder of what a miracle she is. One nurse kept telling me, "You spread this message. Tell your pregnant friends to do their kick counts!" So, pregnant friends, do your kick counts! I've also learned to listen to your instincts and not to worry about freaking out about nothing. I remember when I was pregnant with Sam, I had a panic attack where I couldn't feel him moving. I did a no stress test with him, and it turned out to be nothing. He was just turned so that he wasn't kicking against my tummy, and I couldn't feel it at that moment. I felt kind of silly at the time, but my doctor told me that I had done the right thing, and that it was always better to check something out and be wrong then to not check something out and be right. I think even that experience was preparing me for Lulu.
Lulu, also known as Lucia Isabella, was born on August 29, 2014. She weighed and was tall. She was born with a full head of strawberry blonde, almost caramel, hair. The nurses in the nursery kept asking if Lulu could come in the nursery at night (since she was the fourth baby, momma was more than okay with that! I needed to get some sleep whenever I could get it!). They had so much fun with their little doll, and she would come back with little bows in her hair. We loved all of our nurses. They became good friends in our short time in the hospital.
Look at the angel smile!
The nurses loved doing her hair. And I don't think Lulu mind the attention one bit!
A rare moment when we got Cole to look at the baby.
Lulu's first outfit. She looked so cute and then proceeded to have her first blow out. Little stinker!
Before long, it was time to take our little miracle home. Sam fell in love with his little sister immediately. Mark and Cole...well, it took a little longer. At first, Mark and Cole wouldn't even look at her and wanted nothing to do with her. But little by little, she won their hearts. Now I'm constantly telling them to leave her alone. Our family was already pretty great before Lulu, but now it's even better!
