A Visit with Infertile Myrtle

Long time no post! I promise that there is a post on its way that will re-cap our many summer adventures and be plumb full of adorable pictures of Sam. But right now I have other things on my mind that need to find the words. I want another baby! There, I said it. Now people are thinking, "You already have your miracle...Sam is only nine months old...just be happy with what you have...don't worry about it..." And I am so happy. Sam is the stuff dreams are made of. His personality is really starting to shine, and there are so many moments each day that he just steals my heart away. He's starting to say, "Mama" more consistently, especially when he really wants me to pick him up. (His first word was "Dada". He would babble dadadadada all the time, but one morning, I pointed to a picture of Nic and asked, "who is this?" Sam replied, "Dada". He sees Nic and says "dada" all the time now). The other day, Nic said, "That little boy is so in love with you!" And I began to notice how he watches me and listens to me and loves to be with me. He's started doing this thing now that when you hold him he will rest his head against your shoulder and pat your back with his little hand. I'm so in love with that little boy!

So, yeah, life is good. I'm happily married. I'm a happy mom. But I'm starting to get those urges for another one. I've been trying to keep it under control, not let it get the best of me. But I will admit, that lately when I start my period each month, it's disappointing. It's starting to ping at my heart again. I guess I was subconsciously hoping that now that I've had one baby, voila, my womb would be made over into this amazing baby-making machine! I loved being pregnant, and my body was good at it. There were the back aches and sore hips, but pregnancy rocked. I loved the feeling of life growing inside of me. And for the first time in my life, I felt like my body and I were on the same side, like we were friends not enemies. So I assumed that my new BFF and I had a good deal going. Not so much.

In my defense, I think these urges are from a divine source. Last Sunday, in Young Women, we had the dreaded Procreation Lesson. I was just glad that I didn't have to teach it. Anamarie taught the lesson and did an amazing job with it. It's such a difficult topic! Anyway, something that Anamarie said really stood out to me. She talked about how urges for physical intimacy are part of Heavenly Father's plan and that they can be divine, depending on how we act on them. Heavenly Father commanded all His creation to multiply and to Adam and Eve it was given the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. Who am I to resist divine urges? I want to multiply!

I want Sam to have little brothers and sisters. I have always wanted a big family. I don't know if I could wait another five years for another one. But that's what I said many years ago before Sam, and I did it. I could do it again. It took my mom five years to have me and then another nine years to finally have my sister. Nine years?! I'm 32 1/2 years old right now. That would put me at 41 years old. Yikes. Sometimes I think that maybe the Lord wants me to really focus on adoption right now. I don't know. I don't think I could go down the IVF road again. I have the plaque hanging in my dining room: "Faith in God includes faith in his timing" (Neal A. Maxwell). I just need to hang it on my heart.