A Birth Story

Mark Emmitt Clay
born August 23, 2011
7 lbs 4 oz, 20 inches long

It has been a month since baby Mark was born, but here is the story of his grand entrance into the world (to the best of my recollection).

Let's begin this story the day before his birth. It was August 22nd, and I was a hormonal, emotional wreck. Because my little brother was getting married on Sept. 9th and giving me only two weeks from birth to wedding, and because Sam had shown up after his due date, we decided to induce on our due date. We could have been induced a week earlier, but I wanted to give the baby his full time in "Casa de Mama". For some reason, knowing the date and time of going into labor was really freaking me out. The baby was following the same patterns as Sam did in his final weeks...basically my boys like my luxurious womb (I'm pretty sure there is a big flat screen in there along with a Love Sac and possibly a pingpong table, thus explaining my enormous belly), and aren't in any rush to drop down and get into position for birth. Back to the emotional wreck. Nanny Manda was witness to my wreckage. She had arrived the week before to stay with us and help take care of Sam. I think she ended up taking more care of me! A bit of advice--the post-partum chapter in What to Expect When You're Expecting that everyone tells you not to read until after you have the baby should really not be read before you have the baby. I read it the day before and suddenly all the memories of the 'after' having a baby came flooding back. So the silly thing was I wasn't terrified about the labor and delivery (give me an epidural, and I'm fine), but instead, terrified about all the after stuff. I was a walking zombie after I had Sam. I was really sore, sleep deprived, and completely shell shocked by the big changes in my life. I think quitting my job as a teacher and becoming a stay-at-home mom was a bigger adjustment than I had anticipated. And I think I had some bouts of post-partum depression that manifested as paranoia to leave the house and insane insecurities about my abilities to be a good mother. And did I mention that I was really, really sore?

Anyway, these memories left me sobbing at the kitchen table on and off through out the day. I remember touching my giant belly through out the day and thinking, "In ____ hours I am going to meet this little guy". It was hard to think about anything else. I also kept hoping that I would just go into labor naturally, but that just wasn't happening. For my last supper as a pregnant woman, Nanny made us Hawaiian Haystacks (yummy and light), and then we spent the evening watching Soul Surfer and trying really hard not to think about the next day.

D-day: August 23, 2011
I had to call the hospital at 7:00 a.m. to find out if they had room for me to come in and to find out what time to come in. They told me to come on in. I got up and quickly got ready. It was so surreal to think that I was getting ready to go have a baby. And I remember not being very patient with Nic. It seemed like it was taking him forever to get ready! Nic gave me a priesthood blessing and then we said an emotional good-bye to Sam. The poor kid was probably so confused by all the tears. It was scary and exciting for me to think about how our little family of three was soon going to be forever changed.

We arrived at the hospital, and I continued to feel like I was in this surreal state of mind. It was so weird to think I was casually going to the hospital to have a baby much like if we were going out to grab a bite to eat. We got checked in, I changed into the figure-flattering hospital gown, and we were ready to go, physically anyway. First thing up: the IV. The first attempt, the nurse, Heather, struggled to find a good, strong vein. I have the worst veins! And I am a wuss. The second attempt was successful until I jerked my hand away and pulled out the IV. On the third attempt, we got it and I held really still. But then I started to feel really woozy. I told Heather that I didn't feel very good. The last thing I remember was her saying something about a cool washrag. The next thing I remembered was waking up with a cool washrag on my head, and Nic saying something about not falling off the bed. Apparently I went as white as the sheets and passed out. "Great!" I thought. "If I can't even handle the IV, how I'm going to deal with the labor?!"

I was hooked up to the monitors to watch my heart rate and the baby's. And they began the Pitocin. Around noon, they broke my water. That was such a weird experience because I think my water didn't break until I was pushing with Sam. It just felt like I was continually peeing my pants. I kept apologizing to the nurse because I wasn't sure that I wasn't. She kept reassuring me that I was fine and that it was all part of her job. Wow, nurses are incredible people! I can't imagine dealing with what they deal with on a daily basis!

Shortly after that, the anaesthesiologist came in to do my epidural. She was good at what she does! I was a little nervous about the epidural and was trying to decide if I should wait until the contractions got a little stronger before getting the epidural. I remember with Sam that the contractions were painful enough to distract from getting a huge needle in my back. But once I was dilated to a three, I decided that that was enough. I was starting to remember just how bad contractions get as you climb that dilation scale and decided that I really didn't want to feel that again. We explained to the anaesthesiologist what happened the last time with my heart rate dropping and me passing out, we told her that I had already passed out once that day, and she put together my very own special "starter" epidural that worked perfectly. No passing out and no pain. Yay! After the epidural was in place, we began our waiting game.

Our nurse, Heather, was amazing! She was a lot of fun, encouraging, and calming. She was spunky and kept giving us a hard time because we didn't have a name for the baby yet. She was sure that the baby didn't want to come out because we didn't have a name for him. "I'm just going to call the little guy Mutt then!" She told us and then spent the rest of the time cheering Mutt on to make his big arrival. However, the baby had other plans. Every time I would have a real strong contraction, the baby's heart rate would drop. I felt like that scene from E.T. where Elliott and E.T. are both sick. Just before the baby's heart rate would drop, I would feel a little woozy and my heart rate would go down a little. We ended up decreasing and increasing the Pitocin over the next several hours. Once again, we were going for a longer labor.

Nic's parents dropped in a couple of times during that time and my mom was there. Nanny Manda was home with Sam waiting for the cue to come to the hospital. My doctor's office is on the third floor of the hospital, so he was able to drop in occasionally and check on me. Mostly, we just sat there and waited. I was feeling anxious about the baby. I didn't like watching his little heart rate drop so much. I just wanted him to come out and to know that he was okay.
At some point, Nic and his dad gave me a blessing. It was interesting because with Sam, I was given a blessing and instantly things started to working out and Sam was ready to come out. This time, however, it wasn't an instant answer. But I did receive instant comfort and strength. We still had a bit of a long road ahead of us, but I knew that it would all be okay. Another interesting fact: the most recent scripture story I had read was in Mosiah in the Book of the Mormon where it talks about two different groups of people that were in bondage. One group prayed to escape from bondage and were immediately given divine help to escape. The other group also prayed to escape bondage but instead of immediate delivery (I could make a pun here with my situation that I'm comparing to...), "the Lord did ^astrengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with ^cpatience to all the will of the Lord." Through the rest of the delivery, I still worried when I would see the baby's heart rate go down, but I also just felt a great peace that we were being watched over.

Finally, around 6:00 p.m., the doctor and nurse decided to try and challenge the baby. We would keep the Pitocin and contractions going and really watch the baby's heart rate. Everything really picked up at this point. The doctor decided we were going to need to use the baby vacuum and so all of a sudden all this equipment arrived in the room. Kind of a funny story--I had decided when I first found out that I was pregnant, that for the delivery, I just wanted Nic, me, and the hospital staff in the room. I didn't want any family in the room, because I wanted some time with the new baby, just us. I had informed all of our family of this plan, but I think my mom was trying to override it. When things were starting to pick up, I noticed her sitting quietly to the side. I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I also really wanted the time alone with the baby. So I told Nic to tell her that she needed to leave (the joy of delegation!). Nic turned to my mom and said, "Mom, you've been voted off the island!" I had thought he would have done it a little nicer! Oh well. My mom looked slightly irked, but she left. The doctor told me to push while he tried to position the baby and bring him down. So I did some pushing. The doctor did one little suck with the vacuum, and suddenly told me to stop pushing. Apparently, the baby was out! While I thought we were still just positioning, I delivered the baby. He just popped out after only ten minutes of pushing. We discovered the reason that he didn't want to drop down and why his heart rate kept dropping was because his umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his neck. Whenever a contraction would push him down, it would tighten up the cord. What a miracle that he came out okay! Nic cut the cord and then we got to cuddle with our new beautiful baby and take some pictures. He was such a beautiful baby. Baby Arliss was born with a head full of platinum blonde hair. All of the nurses kept commenting on his hair. I guess it's common for dark haired babies to have lots of hair, but not blondies. Nic says that he was born already needing a haircut!
Heather ran interference for us with the anxious family outside the door by telling them that the room needed to be cleaned up before anyone could come in. Nic and I spent half an hour with our new son just loving him and welcoming him to the world. It was wonderful! We sang I Am a Child of God to him and told him all about his new family. It's always such a surreal experience to meet your baby for the first time, to meet the little one who has been growing and kicking and wiggling inside of you for the past few months. And you really can feel the bits of heaven still clinging to a new baby. It's hard to describe the feeling. And it's amazing the love that you feel. I mean I love Nic so much and I love Sam with all of my heart and somehow I love this new little guy with all of my heart too. You never realize how much you can love until you're holding that new little one in your arms.



Pretty soon it was time to introduce the baby to his family. Once they were allowed in, they exploded in! Both sets of grandparents were there along with Nanny Manda and Sam. Sam wasn't too sure of what to make of all of it. He was happy to see Nic and me again and was really clingy with me. He could tell something big had happened. He just wanted to sit on my lap and be held. At first, he really didn't want to have anything to do with the baby. Then he wanted to hold him, but only for two seconds. Then he would yell out, "Noooooo! Mommy!" So he might not look too excited in those first family pictures. After the initial meeting, Sam discovered there were lots of buttons to push in the room, so he was a happy camper again.

After the family left, Nic's brother, Mark and his wife, Elivania, showed up for a visit. It was fun to introduce the baby to his namesake. We had decided at the beginning of my pregnancy that we wanted to include Mark's name in the baby's name. We hadn't decided on any of the particulars yet, but we did get to tell Uncle Mark that this new little guy was going to be named after him. I think that Uncle Mark was thrilled (though Uncle Mark's thrilled is hard to recognize--he has a great poker face!). Once they left, we gave the baby his first bath. This was around 11 pm, and we were all exhausted at this point. Heather was so sweet. She stayed hours after her shift was over just to make sure the baby was okay and to make sure we were all set up and good to go. Nic finally left to go home and take a shower. He was planning on coming back, but ended up falling asleep laying across the bed with one shoe on and the other still in his hand and didn't make it back until the morning. Because Sam had ended up in the NICU, I was determined to have the baby with me in the room the entire time this time around. But then I ended up being so exhausted and he kept choking on left-over amniotic fluid, so the nurse asked me if I wanted to send him to the nursery, and I conceded. We were all pretty much exhausted from such a long, wonderful day!

So that's about it. That's the baby's birth story. Here's just a couple of highlights from our hospital stay though:
-Nic attended a breastfeeding class with me the next morning, and I really feel like that made such a difference. Baby and I were able to get off to a great start with nursing, and I think Nic's support and help was a big factor in that.
-We loved all the family and friends who visited. We had so much fun showing off our new little one!
-The hospital gave us a fancy dinner one night with a decorated table, good food, and carbonated apple juice in champagne glasses to celebrate our new baby.

-ALL of our nurses were AWESOME. We didn't have even one not-nice nurse.
-And, of course, the photographer came around to take the baby's picture, and we ended up spending lots of money because 1) hospital baby pictures have come a long way since the baby mugshots of my day, and 2) our baby is absolutely adorable!

--The naming of the baby was quite the process. In fact, we ended up staying at the hospital two hours after we were discharged because we couldn't leave without giving them the baby's name for the birth certificate. We wrote down the names on the nurse's white board in the room and slowly whittled the list down to the top ten and then the top five and then the top three. It was quite the ordeal. Like I mentioned earlier, we knew we wanted to name the baby after his Uncle Mark and we knew we wanted to name him after his Uncle Clay (our good friend who is more like family). With Sam, we gave him two middle names, after both grandpas, because we wanted to honor both grandpas and weren't sure if we would have anymore children. We decided that having three names will be our own little tradition in our family. And so we needed a third name for the baby. We finally decided on Mark Emmitt Clay. Emmitt isn't a family name or anything; it's just a name we liked, and I like that it gives the baby a little bit of his own uniqueness. I think Sam's name sounds like a politician or lawyer or something like that. Mark's name sounds like a movie star. We'll see someday! For now, he is my little movie star, and my wonderful, sweet miracle.


Going home:

When we got home, we were surprised to find that Nanny Manda and Sam had decorated the front yard to welcome us home and had gifts and balloons for the new baby.

I'm still alive!

From the looks of this blog, it appears that I've fallen off of the face of the earth, but, no worries, I'm still alive. Just nine months pregnant (which is the equivalent of falling off of the face of the earth). I remember a few months after I had Sam, it was like coming out of this fog, and suddenly I was finding out all of these things that happened over the past months while my world was completely devoted to baby--waiting for baby, having baby, caring for baby, loving baby. I was amazed to discover that the rest of the world didn't stop just because I quit paying attention to it. So-and-so got married?! Who died?! There was a war?! What?! I have a feeling it is happening again. I am withdrawing into my little cocoon, and it is hard for me to think about much except for this giant belly of mine, and the much-anticipated little guy who will hopefully arrive sooner rather than later.

Things are going really well. It has been a busy summer. Having had Sam in the fall, I did not realize that it would be significantly different, and more difficult, to be at the end of my pregnancy in the summer. Mind you, it has been a mild summer for the most part, but it is crazy how much the heat just zaps my energy levels. Poor Nic. This is what it is like at night: I crank the AC down to an obscenely low number, crawl into bed, and drape as much of my body as I can toward the vent at the head of our bed. I don't even like to have a sheet covering me because it's too hot (much to the feasting joy of the three mosquitoes that currently dwell in my room and whom I have not been able to locate and kill. I am like a smorgasbord to them and look like I have the chicken pox or something). Meanwhile, Nic is bite-free because he is completely wrapped like a corn dog in all of the sheets and the quilt. Mind you, this is a guy who wears shorts in the winter. He doesn't get cold...usually. Then, if Nic even tries to cuddle with me or crosses the line onto my side with all of his body heat, I react with fists swinging. Through out the night, to add to Nic's sleeping pleasure, I flip-flop from one side to the other constantly, start kicking out wildly when I get charlie horses, and have to get out of bed numerous times through out the night to use the bathroom, which entails much effort and groaning. I guess if I'm not going sleep well, neither will he!

But the pregnancy is going well, and I can hardly wait to meet this little guy. The joys of having a newborn are starting to come back to me (the lack of sleep, the constant feedings, changings, etc.) but I'm also starting to remember and look forward to the absolute wonderfulness of holding a newborn baby, just arrived from heaven. As Wordsworth puts it:
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

I love that phrase "trailing clouds of glory." And it is so true that heaven lies about a newborn. I just need to be patient, but I am so excited and can hardly wait! I've had a few nights of Braxton Hicks when I've thought that maybe it was time, but no such luck yet. Patience.
I don't think Sam realizes fully what is in store for him. Nic says that he almost likes it better not knowing what is in store with the labor and all of the first weeks adventures. I think Sam has an idea that something big is on the way, but he's not quite sure what. He has been getting a little more prone to tantrums lately, and I don't know if it's because he's nearing the terrible two's or if he's starting to anticipate his de-throning or if he's just stir-crazy from hanging out with his lazy momma all day. But even though he's begun the tantrum phase and even though he likes to yell 'momma' when he's mad or wants something (which is constantly), he's still completely adorable and wonderful. Here's a little update on Sam: I am amazed out how much he is learning and how quickly. He is in the mimic phase of life, our little parrot. He picks up new words every day. When he went in for his 18 month check-up, I made a list of words he knows and uses, and it was around 20 basic words. In just the few months since then, he's doubled his vocabulary, expanding to words like tractor, cookie, cracker, cool, hat, shoe, and hot. Funny story. He went and spent a few days with Grandpa Dee and Grandma M out in G-ville, and grandma introduced him to the joys of cookies. Ever since then whenever he sees my mom or hears her voice on the phone, he says, "Cookie!" So we call her Grandma Cookie now. Then a few days later, Grandma J was taking care of him and taught him all about crackers. So now she's Grandma Cracker!

Sam loves to be outside. We now have a wonderful new yard, thanks to my amazing husband. So in the afternoons, I'll turn Sam and Gus loose in the backyard, find a shady spot, and read or work on projects. Sam loves dirt, bubbles, trucks, and working on things. It's cute to watch how Sam tries to copy his daddy. He likes to use tools to work on things just like daddy does. I have to watch carefully though, because sometimes he uses his tools to dismantle things too. Yesterday Sam and Gus developed a new game where Sam pulls up some grass and then chases Gus around with it. Gus will run away from him and then turn around and charge at Sam. Gus will turn right before he reaches Sam, stop and bark at him, and start the whole game again. Sam just laughs and laughs. At first, mommy was a little freaked out that Gus had lost it and was going to hurt Sam, but then I figured out their little game.

Anyway, this is just a basic update. In my next post, I will either give some more specific updates of our summer adventures (with pictures), or I will be telling you all about our new arrival. Hopefully, the next post won't be months from now!

Pregnancy Phobias

I am a phobic person as is. Add pregnancy hormones, and I become borderline crazy with random fears. I think most women have their share of pregnancy phobias. I just like to take it the extra mile! For example, for some reason, when I can't get a hold of my husband right away, I instantly jump to the conclusion that he has been in a fiery car crash or something like that. This crazy fear had me close to tears about a month ago when Nic was a little late to a doctor's appointment and his phone battery had died. I don't know why I always jump to the worst case scenario, but I do! Sometimes a pregnant woman will become almost superstitious in her fears. If I hear that a friend ate a chocolate shake right before she went into pre-term labor, I won't touch a chocolate shake. And I have my share of good luck items that I hold onto and bad luck items that I avoid like the plague. Then there are all those rules and suggestions that are found in pregnancy books--from hot dogs to sandwich meats to lying on your back...when you're pregnant and have a little growing baby inside of you who depends on you, the world suddenly becomes a very scary place.
Well, today I overcame a fear. I went to the dentist. I know that pregnant women go to the dentist all the time, no big deal. I know that all the books say that visiting the dentist is a good thing. My doctor told me that it would be a good thing for me to do, and I trust my doctor. Fact: Gum disease can lead to pre-term labor and other problems. However, I have had this insane fear of going to the dentist. I didn't have this fear as a child necessarily. As a tween, I had braces and thus had monthly appointments with the orthodontist. This led to a great dislike of all things dental, but not an irrational fear. I will admit that shortly after I graduated from high school and flew the coop, I didn't go to the dentist again for over a decade. I will not incriminate myself by saying exactly how many years! I will also admit that I'm not the best at flossing, but I know that I'm not alone on that one! Finally, I went to the dentist when I was pregnant with Sam. I told the dentist how long it had been since I had seen a dentist, and he was very impressed with the state of my teeth, despite my lack of dental visits. No cavities. No problems. (In an attempt to make myself feel better about admitting to rarely going to the dentist and to keep you from thinking less of me, let it be noted that in a college science class we did the old swab your mouth and see what's growing under the microscope experiment, and the professor complimented me saying that "I had the cleanest mouth with the least amount of bacterias" he had ever seen. Just so you know!)
Anyway, when Sam was a few months old, I received a terrible text from one of my good friends that she had lost her baby at 28 weeks. I remember just holding Sam and crying. It was such a devastating thing to happen. This is when my fear of dentists was planted deep within my heart. The last time that she really remembered feeling the baby move was when she was at the dentist. She doesn't know why her baby died, and it is highly unlikely that it had anything to do with the dentist, however, right then and there I vowed never to see a dentist when I was pregnant.
But then I kept reading about the importance of seeing the dentist, and my doctor recommended it, and then my dentist sent me a postcard, and I was starting to feel like maybe I should just do it. I realized that my fear had no foundation and was irrational, but it didn't make it any easier to make that appointment. Finally, when my dentist's office randomly called me the other day to see if I wanted to come in for a check-up, I figured it was a sign that I needed to overcome my fear and just do it. So, this morning I brushed my teeth, flossed for the first time in a long time, had my husband say a prayer with me to calm my nerves, and headed off to the dentist. And, happily, all went well. It was actually a pleasant visit and once again, the dentist said everything looked great. No cavities. No problems. He told me to come back after I have the baby so that he can do some X-rays just to be sure, but, otherwise, things looked good. And as I sit here typing this, Arliss is kicking away. All is well. I feel like I have accomplished a great triumph today, though who knows what will come along next that will have me shaking in my boots!

Oh Baby!

Yesterday we had the usual doctor appointment. I have to admit that I am a total doctor-junkie. Granted I don't like just any doctor, I'm into OB-GYN's! Don't worry, I'm not deranged or anything, I just love going and hearing my baby's heart beat. I like hearing a professional tell me that everything is looking good. It's addicting! And after next month's appointment, I will start the every two weeks appointments. Am I getting that far along already?

So how does this pregnancy differ from the last one? Well, while I'm doing much better now, the first trimester was a little more rough than before. Granted, I don't compare to the horror stories out there--I rarely even throw up--but I'm a bit of a drama queen and not a good sick person, so it seems end-of-the-world to me sometimes! With both pregnancies, I've had problems with my hips. Many nights my hips will wake me from a dead sleep, and I flip-flop all night like a fish out of water (or a politician, haha). During my first pregnancy, I purchased a body pillow, named Phil, that helped quite a bit. This time, Phil just wasn't doing it for me, so I purchased one of those giant 'S' shaped Boppy pillows. His name is Bob. Bob has been a life-saver! I'll still get some pain in my hips every once in awhile, but most nights I sleep very well thanks to Bob. What can I say? The hips don't lie! Poor Nic. Sometimes he has to share a bed with Bob, Phil, and Henry (my heating pad). But I always make sure I give him a kiss good-night before cuddling up with the rest of my guys!

The biggest difference is, well, I'm BIG! I remember having a little baby bump and thinking I was so huge with the first pregnancy. This time, I'm five months along and look more like seven months. This lady at church asked me if it was possible that I might be having twins. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take a comment like that! My theory is that when Sam was in the womb, he set up a really nice bachelor pad, complete with couch, love sac, big screen T.V., and possibly a wet bar. The new baby (whom we call Little Arliss) saw the 'push here' button, pushed it, and voila! Pop out condo!

So why do we call the baby Little Arliss, you ask (perhaps with concern that that might be the name we are planning on using)? Well, that is what my parents were planning on naming me before I was born. They were dead set that they were having a boy, but, fortunately, I surprised them and got out of being named Arliss.

Little Arliss is quite the active little fellow. I first felt him move on March 20th. I love feeling him punch and kick and do cartwheels. It is the best feeling in the world! Nic even felt him move a couple of weeks ago. It was one of those tender moments. Nic had his head on my lap and was talking to Arliss and all of sudden Arliss gave him a little punch on the cheek. Nic was so excited. "Was that the baby?" I nodded. I think it was a great bonding moment for Nic and the baby. We are so excited for when we'll get to meet this little guy. It will be here soon enough. Though I have to admit, I also get a little anxious on how I'm going to manage with a toddler and a newborn. We'll just have to wait and see!

It's a Boy!

Yesterday we had the big doctor's appointment and got to find out what we are having. Beforehand, when Sam was asked if he was having a baby brother or sister, he went with sister. When asked if he wanted a baby sister, he shook his head 'no'. When asked if he wanted a baby brother, he shook his head enthusiastically 'yes'. Grandma M has been certain from the beginning that the baby is a girl. She's been making pink John Deere quilts from day one. Grandpa D informed us when we were pregnant with Sam that I would be having all the grandsons in the family and Amanda will have the girls. Papa J and Grandma J made no bets, but Grandma J did buy some tights for a future little girl the other day. Nic and I knew we would be excited about a boy or a girl, though I think Nic was secretly hoping for a boy because I kept telling him how abundant cute girl clothes are and that if we had a girl, I would not be able to refrain from going on a complete shopping extravaganza. Well, Sam was wrong but got what he wanted. The Grandmas' quilts and tights will have to wait for the next one. And Nic has been spared a total shopping spree (though there will be plenty of 'little' shopping sprees for the new baby that just can't be avoided). It's a BOY! I guess I will continue to be out-numbered in this house, and I won't need to change the name of my blog. I liked what my friend, Heidi, said last Sunday. She said that if we are just going to have two kids, then it would be nice to have a girl. But then she said, "I don't think you'll be done with just two, so I say it's a boy!"
We are so excited for this new little one. I am sure that Sam and his little brother are going to be the best of buds! And, most likely, a holy terror duo running havoc through the house and neighborhood with Gus hot on their heels. The baby is healthy and is looking good. The silly boy kept hiding from us, so it was difficult to get a good look at his face. He kept ducking behind things when we would try to look at him. I wonder how much of their personality babies have in the womb because when we did Sam's ultrasound, he was dancing all around and flipping us off and not afraid to show it all off. There's also one ultrasound picture where it looks like Sam is working on something. It was so Sam. Sam is my social butterfly, my ball of energy, and he is a little mini-Nic. That was apparent from those very first ultrasound pictures. I wonder if this baby boy will be a little more like his momma--a little more reserved and shy. I guess I will just have to wait to find out. All I know for now, is that he is beautiful and that he is a complete miracle. Me and my Boys--it doesn't get any better than this!

A Valentine's Treat

For anyone wondering why Sam keeps patting his belly and repeating, "Baby, baby, baby...", there is an explanation--the kid just can't keep a secret. He must take after his mother in that aspect! And despite his confusion, there is no baby in his belly, but there is one in mommy's belly. What?! Yes, it is true, I am thirteen weeks pregnant! The secret is out! You have no idea how hard it is to keep a secret like that! I did my best, though there may have been a divulgence (this is a word I made-up meaning a 'spilling of the beans') or two and a rapidly expanding waist line. We just had our second doctor's appointment today and got to listen to that beautiful beating heart. What a miracle! I am amazed at this wonderful new blessing in our lives. I have now posted some of the original posts from when we found out to our first doctor's appointment.

We wanted to tell our parents on Valentine's day with a special Valentine's treat. First, we went out to G-ville to tell my parents. My sister was in on the secret and helping me with my secret plans to surprise my parents. Well, we were trying to work around my dad's work schedule with driving bus. I originally thought it would be cool if he were at the high school in his bus, and we had one of the secretaries call him in on the CB, but that didn't work out. So I told Nanny to tell my dad that she wanted to take him out on a daddy-daughter date for lunch. Then I forgot about that, and texted my dad to see what time his lunch was because Sam wanted to bring a special Valentine surprise. My mom heard that Nanny was taking my dad out for lunch and was jealous that she wasn't invited. Then my mom saw the text where I asked my dad what time his lunch was and thought that Sam and I were going out to lunch with my dad also. My mom was upset that she wasn't invited and included, and, sources say, she was a bit upset and grouchy that Valentine's morning. Anyway, Nic got off from work and we all drove down to G-ville. We picked up my dad and Nanny, and headed to the high school where my mom is a secretary. We must have planned really well because my brother was also at the school helping out with the mock trial team. We marched into the office and Sam presented grandma with a dozen red roses and a card. In the card we wrote a couple of Valentine's poems:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
When it comes to grandkids,
In August, you'll have TWO!

Roses are red
and liked by others,
Gus and Sam are so excited
to be BIG BROTHERS!

They were so surprised. They weren't expecting that news at all! My dad thought the Valentine's surprise would be that Sam was walking. We all went out for hamburgers to celebrate, and then Nic had to get back for work.

A few hours later, we took Nic's parents out for dinner. We told them that it was payment for taking care of Gus the week before. We then presented grandma with a dozen yellow/orange roses. I had put the name of each their grandkids on each rose. Right now, they have ten grandkids, plus Gus, and then on one rose it said, "Coming soon". So we told grandma to look at her roses. Then we had this frame for her. In her living room, grandma has these folding frames with a picture of each of the grandkids. So we got a folding frame and put a picture of Gus in one and "? Jenkins--Coming Soon" in the other. Then in the card, we had another poem:
Grandkids are special,
Grandkids are fun,
If you count Gus,
You'll have eleven plus one!

They were also very surprised. At first, they thought we were trying to tell them that we were getting another dog!
So once again, we've pulled off a grand surprise (though I don't think anyone is as surprised as us!) Grandmas and grandpas are excited and can hardly wait. What a Valentine's treat!

All is well.

I feel like I'm leading a double life here. All of these posts about our MOTW (miracle on the way) won't be published until after Valentine's day when we make the official announcement. It's like I'm keeping a whole other secret blog! Exciting! =)
Well, the doctor's appointment went really well. I was so nervous! I kept having nightmares that the doctor would tell me there was nothing there. But we saw it! We saw our little baby on the ultrasound screen. Granted, it's still in blob form, but we got to see its little heart beating away. I think I asked the doctor two or three times, "So, there is something there? I am pregnant, right?" And I think both Hubs and I were just in shock. The doctor probably didn't think we seemed very excited, but the truth was I couldn't even put complete sentences together! You know when you're too tired to sleep? Well, I was too excited to be excited! I am still just so amazed at this miracle. I remember once I was hanging out with Nic's mom and sisters, and they were asking me what our plans were about adopting. Someone said something to the effect that maybe Sam was my one miracle. I remember feeling kind of bad about that, but then my wonderful sister-in-law, Heidi, said, "I think God has plenty of miracles in store for you guys! You never know when another miracle is just around the corner." How grateful I am for her faith and support! I've thought a lot about what she said, and I've really come to understand that when the scriptures say that God is a God of miracles, it's plural--miracles--not singular. In our limited mortal perspective, I think sometimes we attempt to limit God by not having enough faith or not believing. But with God nothing is impossible and miracles happen in our lives when we least expect them. I also think that miracles are not a single event. Watching Sam learn and grow each day, I am convinced that he is one continuous miracle. Having the opportunity to repent of my mistakes each day is a continuous miracle. Being an eternal family is a continuous miracle. My life is full of miracles!

Our 1st doctor's appointment

Today, in a few hours, is our first doctor's appointment with this baby. I am so nervous! I have crazy dreams of all sorts. Sometimes I dream that I go to the dr. and find out I'm having twins. Then I dream that the dr. tells me that I'm not really pregnant at all. As usual, the idea of having another baby is too good to be true to me. I am so scared. But I keep reminding myself to have faith that Heavenly Father loves me and that all things are for my good. "Come what may and love it." If I have faith, I will not have fear.
I am also so excited. I want to see that little heart beating and to really see for myself, that little life growing inside of me. There are so many emotions swirling through me. Nervousness, excitement, happiness, fear, anxiety, joy...those hormones have really been doing a number on me!
So far things have been going well. I feel tired and nauseated quite a bit through out the day, but not anything too bad. I wonder how people (and how we are going to do it) manage with a two year old and a newborn. Do parents just give up sleeping entirely at that point? I am excited to see Sam as a big brother. It will be quite the shock to his life as the little prince, but I know that he will love helping out with a little brother or sister.
So far we have tried to keep this our little secret. Though we did let our caseworker know at LDS services who in turn told our bishop. We want to surprise the family with the news on Valentine's day. However, I really think that I'm starting to show already. I read somewhere that after one pregnancy, women tend to show sooner since the muscles are already still a little stretched out. I'm not sure my muscles ever un-stretched! I think people are getting suspicious. But that might just be me being paranoid. I am not good at keeping secrets, so we'll see if I can last another month! I'll keep writing these posts for now. (I'm not publishing these posts until the secret is out!)