Egg shell moments

I once heard that when a chick hatches, it must break through the egg shell all by itself. While the shell may seem thin and easy to break to others, it is quite the struggle for a tiny, newborn chick. The mother bird doesn't help the bird to break through the shell because she knows that this process will help her little one develop needed muscles and strength. A farmer once thought he was helping by breaking away the shells of some chicks he had in an incubator, but, to his dismay, all of the chicks died soon after. Lesson to be learned: Our struggles make us stronger.
As a mother, I am often asking myself: Is this a help moment? Or is this an egg shell moment? Last night was one of those moments. For the past couple of weeks, Sam has been struggling to go to sleep both at night and at nap time. Normally, we put him in his crib and after a few minutes, he's out. Sometimes he'll squawk for a minute, but then falls asleep. Well, lately it has been a big production of crying and tantrums. The first time I thought it was because he had a little bit of a cold, and I ended up rocking him to sleep. Then I thought it was because he has recently learned to pull himself up to standing and will often be standing in his crib crying when I go in the nursery. I thought he was 'stranded' and would quickly help him lie down so he could sleep. But then he would cry and cry, so I thought maybe he was all worked up and needed comforting, so I would hold him and cuddle him until he fell asleep. Yesterday I began to realize that I was forming some bad habits. My little guy who was perfectly fine to fall asleep on his own just two weeks ago, suddenly couldn't go to sleep unless I was holding him. So last night I studied it out and decided that it was time for a little tough love. I decided to let him cry it out. But he can't get himself down when he pulls himself up to standing! The books all said that I needed to let him learn how to do it himself. Give him time, and he will figure it out. But if I don't go to him will he learn that he can't trust me to be there for him or that the world is a cruel place? Again, most of the experts that I've come to trust and whose advice has been good in other things said that it is healthy for babies to cry, that it won't damage them emotionally or hurt the bonds between parent and child. It causes hurt for the mom, not the baby. I committed myself to it and found myself facing a long night. Sam cried for two hours last night. I ended up lying in the hall just barely outside the nursery so that I could see him but he couldn't see me. As I watched him cry (sometimes scream as he was very angry), it was so hard not to go to him. But I knew that he was fed, his diaper was clean, the temperature was comfortable. We had done our night time routine of a story, song, and prayer. He was simply tired and needed to go to sleep. He was standing up, holding onto the edge of the crib, and as we came closer and closer to midnight, his head would start to bob. He was so tired! But, unfortunately, both of his parents passed down the stubborn gene, and he wasn't going down without a fight. As I lay there on the floor, I kept wondering, Is this a help moment or an egg shell moment? And I really felt like it was an egg shell moment--as much as I was hating it. Finally, Sam started to simmer down and I went to bed. Sam somehow managed to get himself back down and fall asleep. This morning at 7 am, he woke up cheerful and happy to see me. At nap time, he cried for forty minutes before going to sleep. Do I kind of feel like this cruel mother? Of course. I hate to see him upset and to hear him crying. He's my baby, and I would do anything for him. But do I want what is best for him and to see him grow up smart, healthy, and good? Yes, of course. And so we have to go through this little season of tears.
I sometimes wonder if it's like that for our Heavenly Father. Does he like to see us struggle and go through trials? Of course not. He's our Father and loves us so much. He gave us His Son that we might not suffer as much. I love the scripture that says that the Savior suffered all things that He might know how to succor His people. He knows our suffering because He has felt our pain and our heartache. He knows what we are going through and is there for us. Our loving Father knows that we need egg shell moments to make us stronger. And when it's really hard and it doesn't feel like we can make it, we can turn to Him. This weekend we just found out that someone very close to us is getting divorced. Because of some wrong choices her husband made, she is now looking at being a single mother of five beautiful children. She is such a loving, stalwart, faithful woman, and it breaks my heart to see her going through something like this. And you wonder why she and her sweet family have to face such trials. I think of a line from the Joseph Smith movie when Emma Smith asks her husband, "Do you ever feel the Lord asks too much of us?" And I think of how they lost so many children and the persecutions and violence raged against them and how often Joseph was torn away from Emma without her knowing if she would ever see him again. And I remember those chicks and remind myself that we all need those egg shell moments. We all need to learn and grow. The Lord gives us plenty of 'help' moments--there have been many times in my life when I have felt as though carried on the wings of angels. But in His infinite wisdom and love, He also gives us those egg shell moments too. Why? Because He loves us.