Today, in a few hours, is our first doctor's appointment with this baby. I am so nervous! I have crazy dreams of all sorts. Sometimes I dream that I go to the dr. and find out I'm having twins. Then I dream that the dr. tells me that I'm not really pregnant at all. As usual, the idea of having another baby is too good to be true to me. I am so scared. But I keep reminding myself to have faith that Heavenly Father loves me and that all things are for my good. "Come what may and love it." If I have faith, I will not have fear.
I am also so excited. I want to see that little heart beating and to really see for myself, that little life growing inside of me. There are so many emotions swirling through me. Nervousness, excitement, happiness, fear, anxiety, joy...those hormones have really been doing a number on me!
So far things have been going well. I feel tired and nauseated quite a bit through out the day, but not anything too bad. I wonder how people (and how we are going to do it) manage with a two year old and a newborn. Do parents just give up sleeping entirely at that point? I am excited to see Sam as a big brother. It will be quite the shock to his life as the little prince, but I know that he will love helping out with a little brother or sister.
So far we have tried to keep this our little secret. Though we did let our caseworker know at LDS services who in turn told our bishop. We want to surprise the family with the news on Valentine's day. However, I really think that I'm starting to show already. I read somewhere that after one pregnancy, women tend to show sooner since the muscles are already still a little stretched out. I'm not sure my muscles ever un-stretched! I think people are getting suspicious. But that might just be me being paranoid. I am not good at keeping secrets, so we'll see if I can last another month! I'll keep writing these posts for now. (I'm not publishing these posts until the secret is out!)
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