So after much thought, I'm stopping nursing today. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but now that I'm actually at this junction of the road of motherhood, I realize that it is. Even though I tell myself that there are other babies out there who haven't been breastfed at all, and they all do just fine, I still worry and feel so guilty. Mother's milk is the best...babies that are breastfed tend to do better socially, cognitively, etc. I've read all of the stuff on nursing v. bottle-feeding. And so here I am feeling really, really guilty. Here's kind of why I've made this decision.
First, I have to admit that baby and I have never been the best nursing pair. We had a rocky start to nursing, but eventually got the hang of it. I remember being so determined to be able to nurse and so I pushed myself through the hard parts of it. But I don't know that we ever perfectly polished our method. Well, a few weeks ago when I got my appendix out, I couldn't nurse for a week while I was taking pain medication. I tried to pump during that time, but I don't feel like we've ever got back fully to nursing well. I haven't felt like I've been producing enough milk for the baby, and he's not been the most patient in trying to get things going. I've tried to nurse and pump and botttlefeed the baby, but I just struggled with it. And I like how he has been putting on weight better now that he is eating more formula.
Second, it turns out that the baby has a milk allergy for now. We found that out the hard way. When I first starting giving him formula, his face would immediately break out in a rash starting around his mouth and then spreading across his face. Then he would be fussy and have a rough day. I tried a different brand to see if that was the problem and felt like I almost killed the poor baby. He drank the whole bottle no problem. And then a couple minutes after he finished the bottle, his face completely broke out, he got really warm, and he threw up the entire bottle. The poor thing was retching and choking, and it really freaked me out. I think he really freaked out too. But we got everyone all calmed down, had a bit of a rough night, and everything was better in the morning. Since then I've used a soy-based formula and haven't had any problems. (Well, except for the fact that I think the soy-based formula smells funny, and I think that it makes his diapers smell worse than regular formula). So when I've nursed and have eaten a lot of milk products, the baby usually ends up with a tummy ache and really fussy. Then I feel guilty because I gave him a tummy ache and wonder why, if I'm a good mother, I haven't given up dairy yet. I'm not a milk drinker (I can't stand milk, actually) but I do like yogurt, ice cream, cheese, and stuff like that. I've tried to eat less of these things, but they are such a common part of my diet that I often forget. Then I wonder at my mother-instincts: Wouldn't a true mother instinctively sacrifice anything that caused harm for her baby?
I know that I have a good bond with my baby. I love him so much, and I know that he loves me. I know that we'll still have bonding moments every day. I know that he is healthy and will still be healthy eating formula. I know, but it doesn't make this any easier...
Here's my advice to you....DON'T FEEL GUILTY! I could not nurse my first child. I tried. I wanted it to work out badly, but it didn't. I nused my second and he did fine. I hated it though because I could not go anywhere for more than two hours because he would not take a bottle. It was hard! I nursed him for 11 months. My last two I just did not want to do it. It was not a good experience with my second. Some people try to make you feel guilty if you are formula feeding. I don't really care what others say about it. Believe me...I read many, many articles too on breast vs. bottle feeding. I wanted what was best for my children too. I believe there are some benefits to breastmilk...definately, but my children who were bottle-fed are fine...smart....socially okay...healthy kids. The interesting thing to me is that the child I breastfed was actually the one who was sick the most in his first couple years of life. My one year old now who was formula fed all along...absolutely no problems! She has been the healthiest child we have had in the first year. So...do what is BEST for you. Don't worry that you are not a good mother because I know you are! You're cute little guy will be just fine! And....don't let others make you feel guilty! It doesn't always matter what they think..you will be okay....hang in there! Love ya! Ang
ReplyDeleteI had a hard time nursing Azzayah too. She just was never really interested in nursing. So I would pump and then give it to her in a bottle. I did it for six weeks before it just became too much. It really took 2 of us to feed her because I would have to pump while Steve would feed her. I felt the same way. I thought I was an awful mother because I didn't sacrifice the hard times so that she could have breast milk. But I felt that for my sanity and her well being that was what I needed to do. And she is fine. She is seriously like a sponge the things that she remembers and knows amazes me. When it came time for Xavier I tried to nurse a little bit but I remembered how much easier it was to just give a bottle so that's what I did. And he is amazing to. So smart and plays well with others. I still always held them when I gave them a bottle so I could still have the bonding time with them and they never seemed to suffer any. There is so much out there that says how breast milk is the best but my kids did amazing on formula and no one knows whats best for you other than you. So don't let all those stupid books and doctors tell you what is right.
ReplyDeleteI was all for breastfeeding but J wasn't, he didn't want anything to do with it, he knew something that I didn't, I wasn't producing milk and he wanted to eat. When he was 4 weeks old I decided to give up. I had seen the lactation specialist, I had been pumping and doing all the extra things that I was told to do but my baby was not cooperating. I prayed and prayed and begged for a miracle but the answer I got was "You are a wonderful mother who feeds her baby formula" I ignored it and kept trying and when my doctor refused to give me medication that would boost my milk supply saying "You can still be a good mother and bottle feed your baby" it clicked that I had ignored that impression and was dealing with the emotional consequences. J loved his bottles and it gave Ken the opportunity to feed him and bond with him in that way too. (plus he would and could do night feedings!) You love that little turkey of yours so much, that is amazingly plain to see and he will feel that love while you hold him and feed him, no mater where the milk is coming from. That said, I sure hope breastfeeding works out better with our next, because we don't have the $50 a month for formula this time around (and that was cheap formula too...)
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