Here I am--it's my due date, the little baby counter widget says "0 days to go". And I'm wondering if this kid is planning on coming out. I've had contractions here and there over the past week or so, and at my doctor's appointment Wednesday, I was almost dilated to a three and effaced 70%. I'm moving in the right direction, hypothetically. I know, I know...patience. You would think after hundreds of life lessons on patience, I would be a more patient person. Nope. I'm a slow learner. I'm just so excited to meet this little guy and to know that I can do this whole labor & delivery thing and to know that everything is okay. Every hiccup, every gas bubble, every ache, and I'm wondering is this it? Am I going into labor? It's true, I'm the girl whose cakes never bake right because I'm always opening the oven door to see if the cake is done yet, so it ends up burned around the edges and raw in the middle. I wish I had some sort of timer on my belly that would just start dinging when the baby is ready to come out. Maybe tonight. Here's hoping!
So, today has been a bittersweet day. Today was my last official day as a teacher. I've been a middle school teacher, at the same school, for eight years now, plus I did my student-teaching at the same school. I love being a teacher, and I realize that I've spent more of my awake-time hours at school than anywhere else. And the bad thing is, I'm still thinking and talking about school when I come home. So pretty much 90% of my time has been dedicated to teaching. And now I am here, ready to begin a new chapter in my life. I am so excited to be a stay-at-home mom. As I told Hubs today, after today I'm an official stay-at-home mommy, and I love how that sounds coming out of my mouth. My dreams are really coming true! I know that this new chapter will be full of so many adventures, ups and downs, and wonderful moments and memories. But it's always hard for me to close the book on other chapters. As a child, my two favorite 'pretend' games were pretending to be a mommy and pretending to be a teacher. The stray cats in my neighborhood received the finest education you can get and would probably be Harvard graduates, if Harvard accepted felines. Teaching and being a mommy have always been my two big, must-have dreams. And I wish I could do them both right now, but I know in my heart, that I, personally, can't give 100% to being a teacher and 100% to being a mother. I don't have it in me. I'm the teacher who doesn't go home until 5:30 at night, and even then I leave feeling like there is so much more I need to do if only I had more time. And I want to be an awesome mom. I want to show my children the world and give them the world. I want to be that hands-on mom that other kids describe as "a little weird but cool." Maybe one day, when the kids are older, I'll come back to teaching. But as Robert Frost says so eloquently, "And yet knowing how way leads on to way/I doubted I should ever come back." Who knows where my road may lead. Maybe I'll finally become that professional writer. Maybe I'll go back to school and get a degree in social work and become a counselor. Maybe I'll become a professor at some local university. Who knows? Way leads on to way...
Last night I tried really hard to go into labor. I ran up and down the stairs. I ate spicy tamales. I gave Turkey pep talks. I really wanted to avoid having to do the last day thing. I'm terrible at good-byes, and I really wasn't sure I could do it. I am an emotional person as is. Add pregnancy hormones and it just gets messy! But this morning I woke up still pregnant, so I got out of bed and got ready for school for the last time. I wanted to make myself look beautiful, so that my students' last image of me could be of beauty, but the fact is I am 9 months pregnant. I look how I look and there's no energy to do much about it. =) I have to say that I did fairly well most of the day. There were a few tears here and there as I said good-bye to students and colleagues but not the torrential downpour I was fearing. The kids were really cute. Most of them thought I was crazy for being at school on my due date and were just afraid I would go into labor any minute. They wrote cute messages on my board, made me cards, and slipped me notes through out the day. There were a couple of kids who surprised me. One boy, kind of a class clown, waited until the rest of the class had left then gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks, Mrs. J for everything!" It all meant a lot to me. The whole day was really surreal to me though. I think I held it together by not believing it was really my last day.
After school was a different story. It started to sink in more and more as my colleagues and friends came to say good-bye. I entered in the last grade, erased my boards, cleared off my desk and made sure all was ready for the substitute, wrote a small message to my students on the board, and sent off a couple of last e-mails. Then it was time to shut down my computer. I kept looking at door and wondering if I was going to have the emotional strength to stand up and walk out that door. I didn't realize how hard it would be to let go of all of this. As I described it to a friend, it's like getting my right arm amputated. Suddenly I realize how much I used my right arm and how much I liked my right arm. And I feel all lopsided and awkward without it. And there's this empty spot where my right arm should be. I probably sat at my desk and just cried for over half an hour. Then I got up, collected my stuff, and walked out that door. Now I know that I'll need to go back to the school--at least to collect the rest of my stuff. And I'm hoping to keep in touch with people (many of my best friends are at that school), but the next time I go back (even if I go back next week), it's as a regular person, not a teacher. I'm out of that circle now. It's kind of like coming home from my mission. I've been back to visit Italy, but now I go as a tourist. I'm not eating, breathing, being Italy. I'm just a tourist. Now I'm a teacher tourist. Oh well. So goes life. As a quote I really like says, "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming, 'WOW, WHAT A RIDE!!!'" Teaching has had its ups and downs, its thrills and disappointments, its bumps and bruises, but "Wow! What a ride!" What a ride!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Reasons why my husband wins H-O-T-Y
Seven years ago, on November 8th, I met Hubs at a party that I threw for my roommate's birthday. Hubs was not on the invite list but found out about the party from some friends and came. Party crasher! But I'm glad he did because look where we are now!
In case you don't know what H-O-T-Y stands for, here it is: Husband-of-the-Year. So here are the top 10 reasons why my hubbie wins H-O-T-Y this year (and why he is in the running for D-O-T-Y, though I have to check the rule book and see if he can accumulate points before the kid is born):
10. I can wake him in the middle of the night, to rub my back when it gets sore, and he does it without a complaint.
9. Every morning he puts my socks and shoes on for me because I can no longer reach to do it myself. And not only does he do it with a smile, but he says it's one of his favorite things to do each day.
8. He spoils me rotten. In the past few weeks, he's brought me flowers (twice), jewelry, furniture (from an old-fashioned dressing table that is gorgeous to a new slider chair, he has really been spoiling me)...the list goes on and on. He sold his Harley months ago, his Jeep(s) has gone untouched for almost a year (which is a cardinal sin in his book), his truck is in need of some new parts, but I have everything I need/want.
7. He's working full-time, going to school, serving as Elder's Quorum president, constantly helping people out around the neighborhood, and everything else in his busy life but he still finds time to hold me and love me every day. And he works so hard to provide for me and our family without hesitation. Because of his hard work, I will be able to have my dream of being a stay-at-home mom.
6. He puts up with my ever changing moods and doesn't even notice the mascara stains on his shoulders anymore. And he's quick to forget the irrational hissing and spitting that comes from me some days.
5. He makes me laugh, even when I'm having a really crummy day. You haven't experienced funny until you see Hubs shimmying (he can really shake those hips!) across the kitchen or heard him sing along to 'Big Girls Don't Cry' on the radio!
4. He really listens to me. He jokes that he has learned the art of nodding and saying "uh-huh" at the appropriate times, but he really does listen to me and care about what I'm saying. And he listens to the baby too. He'll talk to Turkey and then put his ear up to my tummy to listen. He's going to be such a great daddy!
3. He builds me up. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I wake up with Chia-hair, raccoon eyes, and pillow lines across my face. He always believes in me, no matter how wacky or out-of-the-ballpark my dreams might be. He makes me want to be a better person.
2. He prays for me and expresses his love for me in his prayers. He strengthens my faith with his testimony.
1. He loves me unconditionally, undeniably, and without limits. Every day he does something that gives me just a glimpse into how infinitely deep his love is for me. I am amazed by his love.
What a guy! I don't know how I lucked out to get such a wonderful husband, but I'm definitely not going to him for granted!
In case you don't know what H-O-T-Y stands for, here it is: Husband-of-the-Year. So here are the top 10 reasons why my hubbie wins H-O-T-Y this year (and why he is in the running for D-O-T-Y, though I have to check the rule book and see if he can accumulate points before the kid is born):
10. I can wake him in the middle of the night, to rub my back when it gets sore, and he does it without a complaint.
9. Every morning he puts my socks and shoes on for me because I can no longer reach to do it myself. And not only does he do it with a smile, but he says it's one of his favorite things to do each day.
8. He spoils me rotten. In the past few weeks, he's brought me flowers (twice), jewelry, furniture (from an old-fashioned dressing table that is gorgeous to a new slider chair, he has really been spoiling me)...the list goes on and on. He sold his Harley months ago, his Jeep(s) has gone untouched for almost a year (which is a cardinal sin in his book), his truck is in need of some new parts, but I have everything I need/want.
7. He's working full-time, going to school, serving as Elder's Quorum president, constantly helping people out around the neighborhood, and everything else in his busy life but he still finds time to hold me and love me every day. And he works so hard to provide for me and our family without hesitation. Because of his hard work, I will be able to have my dream of being a stay-at-home mom.
6. He puts up with my ever changing moods and doesn't even notice the mascara stains on his shoulders anymore. And he's quick to forget the irrational hissing and spitting that comes from me some days.
5. He makes me laugh, even when I'm having a really crummy day. You haven't experienced funny until you see Hubs shimmying (he can really shake those hips!) across the kitchen or heard him sing along to 'Big Girls Don't Cry' on the radio!
4. He really listens to me. He jokes that he has learned the art of nodding and saying "uh-huh" at the appropriate times, but he really does listen to me and care about what I'm saying. And he listens to the baby too. He'll talk to Turkey and then put his ear up to my tummy to listen. He's going to be such a great daddy!
3. He builds me up. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I wake up with Chia-hair, raccoon eyes, and pillow lines across my face. He always believes in me, no matter how wacky or out-of-the-ballpark my dreams might be. He makes me want to be a better person.
2. He prays for me and expresses his love for me in his prayers. He strengthens my faith with his testimony.
1. He loves me unconditionally, undeniably, and without limits. Every day he does something that gives me just a glimpse into how infinitely deep his love is for me. I am amazed by his love.
What a guy! I don't know how I lucked out to get such a wonderful husband, but I'm definitely not going to him for granted!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Our Home Improvement Project
We have been busy, busy, busy getting our little nest ready for our little Turkey! And with the due date just four weeks away, we're really starting to feel the pressure. But the house is finally starting to look like a house again. It all started over the summer when we decided to re-model the bedroom we were using into a nursery. Actually it really began almost six years ago when we first got married and my parents got a us a bed, and we had the bed set up in the empty bedroom instead of the master bedroom because Hubs still had all of his stuff in the master bedroom. And we kept saying, "We'll move into the master bedroom next month..." And it just never happened. Well, I tease Hubs that he should have paid attention to the children's book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, because that's what happened. He could write his own book called If You Give your Wife a Nursery. As we looked at doing the nursery, we got to thinking that we might as well do the master bedroom and the hallway connecting them. And at first we were just going to take down the wallpaper and re-paint. But then we got to thinking that maybe the old, popcorn ceiling needed to go. And then we got to thinking that the rooms could use new baseboards and maybe a chair rail. And then we decided it was a good time to get all new windows through out the house. And then of course I couldn't do all the walls the same color. And then we started to notice how old and gross the carpet was...and pretty soon our little nursery project became a huge project. Probably the worse part has been that it's taken a little longer than we had planned. Since August everything from our bedroom has been piled in the front room and our bed has been standing on end in the dining room. I've been sleeping on a couch downstairs (which hasn't been too bad actually) and Hubs has been sleeping on a mattress behind the couch which he calls his 'Harry Potter bed'. Every morning we would stroll into the front room to get some clothes to wear (when the windows were getting replaced, we were totally fish bowling it and I'm sure more than one neighbor has now seen us in our underwear)! Anyway, Hubs just set up our bed in our brand new master bedroom this past week. It was kind of funny the first couple of nights because at first we were all awkward like newlyweds again, not knowing how to sleep in the same bed! Hubs is probably wishing for his Harry Potter bed again because I have a hard time getting comfortable, and I flip and flop like a fish all night long. Poor guy! He probably gets an elbow to the nose quite often! And now we're finally at the stage where I can start putting things away, and I can really turn up my nesting to full gear. If only I weren't so exhausted! =)
Before
After
As you can see, we still have work to do, but we're getting there! YAY!Thursday, October 1, 2009
A Little Introduction
Ahhhhhh...a new blog. Maybe I'm a little weird, but I used to be a really good journal-keeper. I wrote in my journal often, and I wrote everything! And I always loved it when I would fill up a journal and would get to buy a new one. I am a journal-junkie--I love the variety of covers, the designs, the smell of a new book, the fresh, white pages waiting for me to write on them. I think that this love for journals has transferred to blogging. Hey, I'm a modern woman, right? I love creating blogs, writing on my blogs, reading others' blogs...I am now a blog-junkie. That would explain why I have so many blogs!
A brief 411--My husband and I have been married for almost six years. And can I say that I really lucked out in that department? I LOVE my husband. He wins hands-down Husband-of-the-Year every year (though I won't tell him that because it's not good for him to ge
t too cocky)! He puts up with so much with me--mood swings, R.E.O.'s (random emotional outbreaks), looniness (my head is usually up in the clouds and far from reality), constant jabber (Toby Keith's song I Want To Talk about Me is actually based on me!), and a thousand other quirks and short-comings. And he's just so supportive, loving, patient, and good. I'm glad that I didn't rush off and marry the first thing that came along...I waited it out (26 years to be exact) and I got the good stuff! I have two dogs (some would call them ponies because of their size) that I absolutely love. We've had Gimli for
almost five years now, and he is my boy! I love Gimli so much. He is the official general of the house. He inspects suspicious noises, constantly patrols the perimeters of the yard, and always reports back to us whether or not we're safe. He's starting to move into his golden years, but he's still full of personality and the best cuddler! Gus, on the oth
er hand, is 100% puppy. He'll be a year old in November, and we've had him since April. He is a 100 lb. goof. He cracks me up with the silly little things he does. He runs into walls, he tries to be the big protector (unless something is too scary, then it's Gimli's job), he gets into mischief one way or another, and he loves to be loved. My husband sometimes wonders what we were thinking when we got him, but I can't imagine our family without sweet, lil' Gus!
We've also been trying to start our family for about 4 1/2 years now. If you want a complete run-down of those years, you can go to my old blog (http://infertilemyrtlesblog.blogspot.com) and read about it. It has been a bittersweet experience--much tears but also much joy and many miracles. From my experiences with infertility, I feel like I really gained so much. I got to know and trust in myself so much more, I grew closer to and increased my faith in my loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, my husband and I grew so much closer and stronger, and I really discovered how wonderful and loving my family and friends are. When I look at the blessings I've received through out the years, I can truly say "it was worth the price we paid". And now, we have a miracle on the way--a baby boy due on November 20th. We are so excited...well, beyond excited! Now, I know that every baby is a miracle from God, but this baby is especially wonderful to me because this is my own, personal miracle. As we get closer and closer to the big day, I am realizing more and more how truly wonderful this baby is. A couple of weeks ago, we went to an all-day baby class, one of those third trimester classes that covers the basics of what you need to know for the last part of your pregnancy, labor and delivery, and after the baby arrives. As I sat there in that class, trying to soak in as much information as I could, it really began to sink in that this was really happening to me. It wasn't very long ago that I was trying to come to terms with the idea that I may never be able to have children. Even as we watched the birthing video (which is very graphic and terrifying in many ways), I just sat there and cried (well, sobbed would be a better word) because I was just so overcome with happiness, gratitude, and awe that I get to be a part of this miraculous process of bringing a new life into this world. My life is so good! =)
So, that's us in a nutshell. Things are a little hectic right now--we're remodeling the house to get ready for the baby, I'm still working full-time as a middle school teacher but trying to get things ready for when I leave work, and just being pregnant keeps me busy. But I'll try to post often! Stay tuned for pictures and updates of our home remodeling project!
A brief 411--My husband and I have been married for almost six years. And can I say that I really lucked out in that department? I LOVE my husband. He wins hands-down Husband-of-the-Year every year (though I won't tell him that because it's not good for him to ge
t too cocky)! He puts up with so much with me--mood swings, R.E.O.'s (random emotional outbreaks), looniness (my head is usually up in the clouds and far from reality), constant jabber (Toby Keith's song I Want To Talk about Me is actually based on me!), and a thousand other quirks and short-comings. And he's just so supportive, loving, patient, and good. I'm glad that I didn't rush off and marry the first thing that came along...I waited it out (26 years to be exact) and I got the good stuff! I have two dogs (some would call them ponies because of their size) that I absolutely love. We've had Gimli for
almost five years now, and he is my boy! I love Gimli so much. He is the official general of the house. He inspects suspicious noises, constantly patrols the perimeters of the yard, and always reports back to us whether or not we're safe. He's starting to move into his golden years, but he's still full of personality and the best cuddler! Gus, on the oth
er hand, is 100% puppy. He'll be a year old in November, and we've had him since April. He is a 100 lb. goof. He cracks me up with the silly little things he does. He runs into walls, he tries to be the big protector (unless something is too scary, then it's Gimli's job), he gets into mischief one way or another, and he loves to be loved. My husband sometimes wonders what we were thinking when we got him, but I can't imagine our family without sweet, lil' Gus!We've also been trying to start our family for about 4 1/2 years now. If you want a complete run-down of those years, you can go to my old blog (http://infertilemyrtlesblog.blogspot.com) and read about it. It has been a bittersweet experience--much tears but also much joy and many miracles. From my experiences with infertility, I feel like I really gained so much. I got to know and trust in myself so much more, I grew closer to and increased my faith in my loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, my husband and I grew so much closer and stronger, and I really discovered how wonderful and loving my family and friends are. When I look at the blessings I've received through out the years, I can truly say "it was worth the price we paid". And now, we have a miracle on the way--a baby boy due on November 20th. We are so excited...well, beyond excited! Now, I know that every baby is a miracle from God, but this baby is especially wonderful to me because this is my own, personal miracle. As we get closer and closer to the big day, I am realizing more and more how truly wonderful this baby is. A couple of weeks ago, we went to an all-day baby class, one of those third trimester classes that covers the basics of what you need to know for the last part of your pregnancy, labor and delivery, and after the baby arrives. As I sat there in that class, trying to soak in as much information as I could, it really began to sink in that this was really happening to me. It wasn't very long ago that I was trying to come to terms with the idea that I may never be able to have children. Even as we watched the birthing video (which is very graphic and terrifying in many ways), I just sat there and cried (well, sobbed would be a better word) because I was just so overcome with happiness, gratitude, and awe that I get to be a part of this miraculous process of bringing a new life into this world. My life is so good! =)
So, that's us in a nutshell. Things are a little hectic right now--we're remodeling the house to get ready for the baby, I'm still working full-time as a middle school teacher but trying to get things ready for when I leave work, and just being pregnant keeps me busy. But I'll try to post often! Stay tuned for pictures and updates of our home remodeling project!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)