January 3, 2010
Dear Relief Society Sisters,
I need to begin this letter with a confession. After a little under two decades in Relief Society, I had never really gained a testimony or thorough understanding of what Relief Society is all about. I had always heard the Relief Society motto, ‘Charity never faileth,’ but being head-strong, independent, and often prideful, I never understood how that applied to me. I even served as Relief Society president in college and still missed the big picture. I’ve always missed the forest for the trees—until I met you wonderful sisters.
I came into this ward as a shy and awkward newlywed, and you patiently and sweetly helped me along (even when I acted like I didn’t need any help). As I have interacted with you over the past six years, I have learned the true meaning of ‘charity never faileth’. Let me give three specific examples, out of many, of how you have blessed my life and taught me charity.
When I first got married, I moved into the house that my husband already owned. I loved my new home-except for the oven. The oven was ancient (possibly the first one ever made!) and would always leave half of the meal raw while burning the other half. As a new bride wanting to impress my husband with my cooking skills, it was highly frustrating! But it would have to do until we could save up to buy a new one. Then one Sunday, a dear sister came up to me after church and asked, “How’s your oven?” I was surprised by her out-of-the-blue question, but answered truthfully, “awful!” She then explained that she had an extra oven and had been praying about whom to give it to, and my name kept coming to mind. A week later I was cooking dinner in my brand-new oven and no longer had any excuses for burning the meal! Because of this humble sister and her generous gift, I learned that the Lord is mindful of each of us and that He does answer prayers. This sister will never know how much she blessed my life and how grateful I am to her!
The next example was also when I was relatively new to the ward. I didn’t know very many people and was struggling with feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, and low self-esteem. I was starting to feel like now that I was married, I didn’t have any friends outside of my home and wondered why anyone would really want to be my friend anyway. It may not seem like it, but I can be extremely shy and going out of my comfort zone to meet new people can be really difficult for me. Well, one Saturday, I pushed myself to go to a stake Relief Society program and luncheon by myself. The program was wonderful, and I really felt the Spirit. But as we filed into the cultural hall for lunch, I felt those same anxieties from grade school: Whom will I sit by? What should I do? Where should I go? I sat at a far table and decided to save some seats for a few people I had recognized from the ward. But they came in and sat down without us seeing each other. Since I was sitting near the kitchen, I was the first to be served. I found myself in an awkward situation: Do I stay at this table and eat alone? Do I take my plate and sit by others even though they haven’t been served? Do I leave the food to be wasted and move to another table? And if so, where do I move? All the tables were looking full. It may sound like a silly and trivial situation now, but I remember sitting at that table with Satan nudging me and saying, “See! You have no friends! You’re unimportant. You’re a nothing!” Just as I was about to get up and leave altogether, three sisters from the ward came and sat down at my table. They introduced themselves and probably wondered about their choice of seating, because immediately I began to cry. Eventually, I pulled myself together, and we had a lovely time getting to know each other. From these kind sisters, I learned that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and that I am special and important to Him. These sisters will never know the difference their simple act has made in my life. They probably don’t even remember it! But I do!
The last example is not necessarily a specific experience but an accumulation of experiences. As most of you know, my husband and I have had many struggles to have a baby. It took us five years to get our miracle. During those five years, there have been many words of encouragement and hugs just when I needed them. Sometimes it was a lesson or talk that touched my heart and comforted me. Sometimes a visiting teacher was there with a patient, listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes a sister would pull me aside and say, “I’ve been there. Hang in there!” And sometimes, on those really hard days, I would find myself enveloped in the arms of some in-tune, loving sister. Thank you for the love, support, and strength you gave to me during those times!
We have also been greatly touched and amazed by the kindness and generosity shown to us as we’ve welcomed our little boy into the world. From extraordinary visiting teachers who went the extra mile to throw me a baby shower to all the gifts, cards, treats, and congratulations, your goodness has overwhelmingly filled our hearts and added to this new joy in our lives. Thank you so much! My baby is so lucky and blessed to come into a ward full of loving grandmas and aunts for him. You truly are my sisters and family to me!
To conclude this lengthy epistle, I just want to thank you for all that you’ve done for me and continue to do for me. Thank you for your service, for your examples, and for your testimonies. Thank for teaching me what Relief Society is all about and that charity never faileth. You are all truly angels of the Lord!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Dogs
Everyone asks me how the dogs behave with the baby. For as big as the dogs are, it is so cute how gentle they are with Turkey. When we first came home from the hospital, we let them sniff a blanket first like the books tell you to do. They were oblivious to the baby in the car seat on the kitchen table and just thought mommy smelled funny. Mostly they were glad to have everyone home again and not to be in their room. Then Turkey made a little squawk. Suddenly their ears perked up and they had to find out what was in their house. The dogs have such individual personalities, and so they had very individual reactions. When I showed the baby to them, Gimli seemed annoyed. If a dog could roll his eyes, Gimli would have. He had this look that said, "Great! Another one to protect. I have to protect mom and dad and the puppy and now this funny smelling thing?!" But he has been vigilant in his protection; never letting the baby get too far out of sight. One day I moved the baby onto the bed with me. Along came Gimli on his patrol. He looked in the cradle next to our bed to check on the baby--no baby. I've never seen a dog panic like that. He couldn't see the baby sleeping on the bed. I listened to him run across the hall to the nursery, through the kitchen, down the stairs...but no baby. Finally, a very frantic dog dashed back into the bedroom. I moved some blankets so that Gimli could see the baby. If looks could kill! Gimli glared at me and seemed to say, "Do not move the baby without reporting to me!"
Gus, on the other hand, has decided that we got a boy just for him. He is so excited to play with the baby. He keeps bringing his toys for Turkey to play with. I just know one day I'm going to reach into the cradle for the baby and find a crusty, slobbery stuffed animal! I think Turkey and Gus picked each other out in heaven because it was within the same week that we got Gus that I got pregnant and it was divine intervention that Hubs let me get another Mastiff in the first place!
I also realized the other day that I'm in trouble. A friend was visiting along with his 6 year old grandson and 3 year old grand-daughter. They were full of energy and Gus was having a hay-day chasing them around and playing hide-and-go-seek with them. Well, at some point, Gimli decided that they were getting a little too rambunctious. The girl was on the love sac and Gus was licking her face when Gimli lunged at them. I was freaked out what Gimli was going to do. But he was very careful not to step on the girl while he head butted Gus away from her and then checked to see if she was okay. A little later, our friend was getting after the little girl for something. He raised his voice a little and was trying to talk to her, but Gus revealed his own protective nature and got in between our friend and his grand-daughter. Gus wouldn't get out of the way for anything! Suddenly I had this picture in my head of one day in the future when Turkey does something naughty (probably with Gus as his sidekick) and I won't be able to do anything about it as long as Gus is around!
Our neighbors have sometimes have to call us because Gimli likes to escape and go gallavanting through the neighborhood. It usually goes like this, "Hey! Your dog is in our yard, peeing on our garden..." And even though the neighbors know Gimli is a big softie, no one really wants to go tell a 130 lb. dog what to do. Hubs and I joke now that someday we'll get the call, "Uh...hey! Your kid is in our yard wearing nothing but cowboy boots and a hat, and he's peeing on our garden. We would send him home but the dogs won't let us get near him..."
Life with a little boy and two big dogs is definitely an adventure!
Click here for a great article on the benefits of having pets in the family.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Baby's First Christmas
I can't believe Christmas has already come and gone! I also can't believe that my little Turkey is already a month old. Wow! Time seriously goes by so quickly! As usual, Hubs and I were doing our Christmas shopping two days before the big day, and doing Christmas deliveries (very few this year) Christmas Eve. Every year, I tell myself that I'm going to be on top of things. Christmas cards will be sent out Dec. 1st (though I do have to pat myself on the back that I did get some Christmas cards out this year which is better than the no Christmas cards of former years but not to everyone that I wanted to send them to--sorry if I missed you, but I'll be new and improved come next Christmas (I hope!)), home-made Christmas presents will be started now, store-bought Christmas presents will be bought by November, and Christmas goodies will be made and delivered, complete with some cute holiday cheer saying, at least one week before Christmas...who knows, maybe Christmas 2010 will see these miracles happen! Or maybe I should lay off the eggnog! Anyway, here are some super cute pictures of baby's first Christmas. I had forgotten how much joy children bring to Christmas. Even though Turkey's only a month old, he reminded all of us of the Christmas Spirit and the fun of the holiday!
"Well, Santa, for Christmas I would like a jeep, a pony, some teeth...you know, just the basic necessities! I promise I've been good. After all, I've only been around for a month!"I love this picture of Turkey with Santa Claus! Especially because of who is in the suit. Anyone who knows Hubs very well would be surprised! =)
Our Christmas tradition is to spend Christmas eve at my parents' house. Traditionally, we all camp out in the same room--that includes three dogs, my brother, my sister, Hubs, the baby, and me. This year, though, my sister is on a mission and my brother elected to sleep in the basement (he didn't want to spoon with the dogs again this year!). But it was plenty crowded with all of the dogs-Tinkerbell, Gimli, and Gus-especially because two of the dogs are rather large! It is also tradition that we all get to open one present on Christmas eve--pajamas. In this picture you can see Hubs in his new Jazz jammies. Christmas morning, us kids get up and go wake up my parents by singing 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' which is a real treat in the morning seeing how none us can really carry a tune! This year we were all lazy and didn't wake up until 7 a.m. when my sister called from Alabama. So we had to skip the Christmas morning caroling, but, instead, got to talk to Nanny and hear how things are going on her mission. She sounded good and was so excited to hear about her new little nephew. After opening presents, we headed off to Hub's family to spend Christmas day with them. This part of the tradition includes family, watching movies we got for Christmas, napping, and lots of eating!
It was also Gus' first Christmas with us (he turned 1 year-old on November 23rd), and he was just like a little kid. He was just so excited about everything. He got a new bone and a stuffed animal for Christmas and was so ecstatic! He had to show me his new bear a hundred times! Gimli was like a teenager. He just got his bone, gave a quick nod to say 'thank you', and went in a corner to enjoy his present.
What a spoiled baby! Great grandparents think alike. Grandpa and Grandma M got Turkey a cute little rocking horse. His feet don't quite reach the stirrups yet, but Turkey had a good time on his new pony and had us all laughing with his expressions! He even grabbed hold of the reins. Then Papa and Grandma J got him a cute little rocking bull. Again, Turkey proved to be absolutely adorable as he rode his bucking bull. Now Turkey can have his very own rodeo!
And last of all, I had to include a couple of pictures of Turkey with his grandpas!
It was such a wonderful Christmas! As we were driving home, Hubs and I talked about how good our lives are right now. We have been so blessed this year!
Friday, December 4, 2009
A First Time Mother's First Night Prayer
Dear Lord,
I'm lying here in my own bed instead of that hospital one
with a thousand thoughts running through my head,
My newborn is sleeping peacefully
in his handmade cradle next to my bed,
And I'm realizing there are no doctors or nurses now,
and as a new mother I haven't got a clue!
So I'm doing what I've learned is best--
I'm turning my anxieties and fears over to You.
In the distance I can hear a siren wailing,
and strange noises in the dark that set off my mind's alarm;
The world suddenly seems such a dangerous place,
O, Lord, please keep my baby safe from harm.
Then in a quiet moment, I wonder if my baby is breathing;
I anxiously watch for his chest to rise and fall but suddenly I can't tell...
Please, Lord, bless him with health and strength,
And bless me to know that all is well.
Then I hear a cry, the third one of the night,
And I know that it's time to eat.
Please, Lord, bless me with Thy strength to stay awake,
Because, to be honest, I'm feeling beat!
Through out the night concerns and fears
Parade in and out of my mind:
Is he warm enough? Fed enough? Comfortable enough?
And a hundred other worries of this kind.
But before I know it, the first rays of sunlight are peeking through the shades;
My baby looks up at me with eyes so trusting, alert, and bright.
And I whisper one more prayer with a gentle sigh of relief--
Dear Lord, I thank Thee for helping us to make it through this night!
Image from: http://littledisciplesdaycare.com/ChristCuddlingBaby.jpg
I'm lying here in my own bed instead of that hospital one
with a thousand thoughts running through my head,
My newborn is sleeping peacefully
in his handmade cradle next to my bed,
And I'm realizing there are no doctors or nurses now,
and as a new mother I haven't got a clue!
So I'm doing what I've learned is best--
I'm turning my anxieties and fears over to You.
In the distance I can hear a siren wailing,
and strange noises in the dark that set off my mind's alarm;
The world suddenly seems such a dangerous place,
O, Lord, please keep my baby safe from harm.
Then in a quiet moment, I wonder if my baby is breathing;
I anxiously watch for his chest to rise and fall but suddenly I can't tell...
Please, Lord, bless him with health and strength,
And bless me to know that all is well.
Then I hear a cry, the third one of the night,
And I know that it's time to eat.
Please, Lord, bless me with Thy strength to stay awake,
Because, to be honest, I'm feeling beat!
Through out the night concerns and fears
Parade in and out of my mind:
Is he warm enough? Fed enough? Comfortable enough?
And a hundred other worries of this kind.
But before I know it, the first rays of sunlight are peeking through the shades;
My baby looks up at me with eyes so trusting, alert, and bright.
And I whisper one more prayer with a gentle sigh of relief--
Dear Lord, I thank Thee for helping us to make it through this night!
Image from: http://littledisciplesdaycare.com/ChristCuddlingBaby.jpg
My Thanksgiving List
Sorry, I've been a little out of it the past week or two (I don't even have any concept of time--how long has it been?!), and I've been wanting to post but just haven't had the energy. Well, Turkey is asleep, the dogs are asleep, and I have a minute or two to do some blogging! I didn't realize what an adjustment it would be having a baby. I never thought it would be a piece of cake, but I didn't realize how much work a little 7 lb. person can be! I'm totally loving it though. All of his little expressions and the way he just looks up at me with those bright eyes of his and curls his fingers around mine, I melt every time! Life is kind of surreal right now. I can't believe that this is really me and that this is really my life--that the baby lying on the bed next to me is really my baby. If I hadn't been there for the delivery, I would have my doubts! =) He's perfect and beautiful in every way. Well, except for the fact that he is a vampire baby that sleeps during the day and is alert and bright-eyed all through the night. (Any suggestions for that?)
Anyway, here's a little thing I wrote on Thanksgiving while I was in the hospital. I didn't have computer access, so I wrote it the old fashioned way--with a pen and paper! =)
Today is Thanksgiving and the most amazing Thanksgiving ever! How do you describe it when everything on your 'Greatest Dreams' list has suddenly moved over to your 'Things I'm Thankful For' list? My life is truly wonderful! So, in Thanksgiving tradition, here's my Gratitude List: 1. I'm thankful (beyond thankful) for the 7 lb. 4 oz., 20 in. tall, 2-day old miracle in my life. He is perfect and so very handsome. I am thankful for those moments when I'm holding him, and he looks up at me those big, trusting, loving eyes, and he just melts my heart.
He is so much more than I ever hoped for!
2. I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who heard my prayers and blessed me to be a mommy. I am overwhelmed, but so excited for this new calling in my life! I'm grateful for the 5 year struggle with infertility, the 9 months and 3 days pregnancy, and the 16 hour labor that it took to get him here. He's definitely worth it!
3. I am so thankful for the love Heavenly Father has for me. I know that He loves me and answers my prayers (though not always when and how I want, but always when and how I need), and I am so grateful for the guidance and comfort this knowledge gives me.
4. I am thankful for my husband, the love of my life, and my best friend. He never left my side during the labor which is just how he is--always there for me through thick and thin. He provides for me, he protects me, he puts up with me, and he loves me. I am so thankful for him! And he is already an AWESOME daddy!
5. I am thankful for my family. My mom and my mother-in-law were there pretty much the entire labor. They are saints! And even before the baby, my family has always been there for me. I am so thankful to have the temple blessings of being an eternal family with such amazing people.
6. I am thankful for so many good friends in my life. I'm not always that good of a friend, but my awesome, patient friends stick by me anyway. They share in my joys and my pains. Life wouldn't be the same without them!
7. I am thankful for my two anxious dogs waiting for me at home. They have been my dog-tourage, following me every where (including the bathroom) for the past few months. They are my boys! I'm thankful for how they love me no matter what and for how they look over me. When I went into labor Tuesday morning, they were so concerned and careful around me. You could just see it in their eyes that they wanted to do something to take the hurt away! Such good dogs!
8. I am thankful for Jordan Valley Hospital--for their wonderful, compassionate staff. I'm thankful for my doctor, for his expertise and especially for his calm, encouraging bed-side manner. I'm thankful for my two labor nurses, Dawnita and Autumn, who took such good care of me, and who stayed well after shift was over to see me through to the end. I love how we were strangers in the beginning and friends crying together in the end. They were angels sent just when I needed them the most! I'm thankful for the hospital's allowing us to stay while Turkey's in the NICU. I'm thankful for the guardian angel doctor and nurses who are taking care of him there.
9. I am thankful for not just a roof over my head, but a home. I thankful that the remodeling is pretty much finished. I love to just sit in the nursery, my new favorite place, where I know I'll be spending a lot of time very soon.
10. I am thankful for the opportunities that have been mine in my life so far. I'm thankful for the opportunity that I had to be a teacher and to interact for eight years with such amazing colleagues and students. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to go to college and get not just a bachelor's degree but a master's also. What an experience! I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to serve a mission in Italy, an experience that still affects my daily decisions. And I'm thankful for the many opportunities I've had since I got married almost six years ago...going to all the rock-racing/crawling competitions with Clay and the boys, traveling and cruising all over the place with Hubs, meeting new people and finding new strengths through our battle with infertility, going through the adoption process...my life has been so full so far! And I think it's just the beginning! There are so many other things that I'm thankful for. This list could go on and on. Suffice it to say, I am so very blessed and so very grateful! Happy Thanksgiving!
Anyway, here's a little thing I wrote on Thanksgiving while I was in the hospital. I didn't have computer access, so I wrote it the old fashioned way--with a pen and paper! =)
Today is Thanksgiving and the most amazing Thanksgiving ever! How do you describe it when everything on your 'Greatest Dreams' list has suddenly moved over to your 'Things I'm Thankful For' list? My life is truly wonderful! So, in Thanksgiving tradition, here's my Gratitude List: 1. I'm thankful (beyond thankful) for the 7 lb. 4 oz., 20 in. tall, 2-day old miracle in my life. He is perfect and so very handsome. I am thankful for those moments when I'm holding him, and he looks up at me those big, trusting, loving eyes, and he just melts my heart.
He is so much more than I ever hoped for!
2. I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who heard my prayers and blessed me to be a mommy. I am overwhelmed, but so excited for this new calling in my life! I'm grateful for the 5 year struggle with infertility, the 9 months and 3 days pregnancy, and the 16 hour labor that it took to get him here. He's definitely worth it!
3. I am so thankful for the love Heavenly Father has for me. I know that He loves me and answers my prayers (though not always when and how I want, but always when and how I need), and I am so grateful for the guidance and comfort this knowledge gives me.
4. I am thankful for my husband, the love of my life, and my best friend. He never left my side during the labor which is just how he is--always there for me through thick and thin. He provides for me, he protects me, he puts up with me, and he loves me. I am so thankful for him! And he is already an AWESOME daddy!
5. I am thankful for my family. My mom and my mother-in-law were there pretty much the entire labor. They are saints! And even before the baby, my family has always been there for me. I am so thankful to have the temple blessings of being an eternal family with such amazing people.
6. I am thankful for so many good friends in my life. I'm not always that good of a friend, but my awesome, patient friends stick by me anyway. They share in my joys and my pains. Life wouldn't be the same without them!
7. I am thankful for my two anxious dogs waiting for me at home. They have been my dog-tourage, following me every where (including the bathroom) for the past few months. They are my boys! I'm thankful for how they love me no matter what and for how they look over me. When I went into labor Tuesday morning, they were so concerned and careful around me. You could just see it in their eyes that they wanted to do something to take the hurt away! Such good dogs!
8. I am thankful for Jordan Valley Hospital--for their wonderful, compassionate staff. I'm thankful for my doctor, for his expertise and especially for his calm, encouraging bed-side manner. I'm thankful for my two labor nurses, Dawnita and Autumn, who took such good care of me, and who stayed well after shift was over to see me through to the end. I love how we were strangers in the beginning and friends crying together in the end. They were angels sent just when I needed them the most! I'm thankful for the hospital's allowing us to stay while Turkey's in the NICU. I'm thankful for the guardian angel doctor and nurses who are taking care of him there.
9. I am thankful for not just a roof over my head, but a home. I thankful that the remodeling is pretty much finished. I love to just sit in the nursery, my new favorite place, where I know I'll be spending a lot of time very soon.
10. I am thankful for the opportunities that have been mine in my life so far. I'm thankful for the opportunity that I had to be a teacher and to interact for eight years with such amazing colleagues and students. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to go to college and get not just a bachelor's degree but a master's also. What an experience! I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to serve a mission in Italy, an experience that still affects my daily decisions. And I'm thankful for the many opportunities I've had since I got married almost six years ago...going to all the rock-racing/crawling competitions with Clay and the boys, traveling and cruising all over the place with Hubs, meeting new people and finding new strengths through our battle with infertility, going through the adoption process...my life has been so full so far! And I think it's just the beginning! There are so many other things that I'm thankful for. This list could go on and on. Suffice it to say, I am so very blessed and so very grateful! Happy Thanksgiving!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Time to Say Good-bye
Here I am--it's my due date, the little baby counter widget says "0 days to go". And I'm wondering if this kid is planning on coming out. I've had contractions here and there over the past week or so, and at my doctor's appointment Wednesday, I was almost dilated to a three and effaced 70%. I'm moving in the right direction, hypothetically. I know, I know...patience. You would think after hundreds of life lessons on patience, I would be a more patient person. Nope. I'm a slow learner. I'm just so excited to meet this little guy and to know that I can do this whole labor & delivery thing and to know that everything is okay. Every hiccup, every gas bubble, every ache, and I'm wondering is this it? Am I going into labor? It's true, I'm the girl whose cakes never bake right because I'm always opening the oven door to see if the cake is done yet, so it ends up burned around the edges and raw in the middle. I wish I had some sort of timer on my belly that would just start dinging when the baby is ready to come out. Maybe tonight. Here's hoping!
So, today has been a bittersweet day. Today was my last official day as a teacher. I've been a middle school teacher, at the same school, for eight years now, plus I did my student-teaching at the same school. I love being a teacher, and I realize that I've spent more of my awake-time hours at school than anywhere else. And the bad thing is, I'm still thinking and talking about school when I come home. So pretty much 90% of my time has been dedicated to teaching. And now I am here, ready to begin a new chapter in my life. I am so excited to be a stay-at-home mom. As I told Hubs today, after today I'm an official stay-at-home mommy, and I love how that sounds coming out of my mouth. My dreams are really coming true! I know that this new chapter will be full of so many adventures, ups and downs, and wonderful moments and memories. But it's always hard for me to close the book on other chapters. As a child, my two favorite 'pretend' games were pretending to be a mommy and pretending to be a teacher. The stray cats in my neighborhood received the finest education you can get and would probably be Harvard graduates, if Harvard accepted felines. Teaching and being a mommy have always been my two big, must-have dreams. And I wish I could do them both right now, but I know in my heart, that I, personally, can't give 100% to being a teacher and 100% to being a mother. I don't have it in me. I'm the teacher who doesn't go home until 5:30 at night, and even then I leave feeling like there is so much more I need to do if only I had more time. And I want to be an awesome mom. I want to show my children the world and give them the world. I want to be that hands-on mom that other kids describe as "a little weird but cool." Maybe one day, when the kids are older, I'll come back to teaching. But as Robert Frost says so eloquently, "And yet knowing how way leads on to way/I doubted I should ever come back." Who knows where my road may lead. Maybe I'll finally become that professional writer. Maybe I'll go back to school and get a degree in social work and become a counselor. Maybe I'll become a professor at some local university. Who knows? Way leads on to way...
Last night I tried really hard to go into labor. I ran up and down the stairs. I ate spicy tamales. I gave Turkey pep talks. I really wanted to avoid having to do the last day thing. I'm terrible at good-byes, and I really wasn't sure I could do it. I am an emotional person as is. Add pregnancy hormones and it just gets messy! But this morning I woke up still pregnant, so I got out of bed and got ready for school for the last time. I wanted to make myself look beautiful, so that my students' last image of me could be of beauty, but the fact is I am 9 months pregnant. I look how I look and there's no energy to do much about it. =) I have to say that I did fairly well most of the day. There were a few tears here and there as I said good-bye to students and colleagues but not the torrential downpour I was fearing. The kids were really cute. Most of them thought I was crazy for being at school on my due date and were just afraid I would go into labor any minute. They wrote cute messages on my board, made me cards, and slipped me notes through out the day. There were a couple of kids who surprised me. One boy, kind of a class clown, waited until the rest of the class had left then gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks, Mrs. J for everything!" It all meant a lot to me. The whole day was really surreal to me though. I think I held it together by not believing it was really my last day.
After school was a different story. It started to sink in more and more as my colleagues and friends came to say good-bye. I entered in the last grade, erased my boards, cleared off my desk and made sure all was ready for the substitute, wrote a small message to my students on the board, and sent off a couple of last e-mails. Then it was time to shut down my computer. I kept looking at door and wondering if I was going to have the emotional strength to stand up and walk out that door. I didn't realize how hard it would be to let go of all of this. As I described it to a friend, it's like getting my right arm amputated. Suddenly I realize how much I used my right arm and how much I liked my right arm. And I feel all lopsided and awkward without it. And there's this empty spot where my right arm should be. I probably sat at my desk and just cried for over half an hour. Then I got up, collected my stuff, and walked out that door. Now I know that I'll need to go back to the school--at least to collect the rest of my stuff. And I'm hoping to keep in touch with people (many of my best friends are at that school), but the next time I go back (even if I go back next week), it's as a regular person, not a teacher. I'm out of that circle now. It's kind of like coming home from my mission. I've been back to visit Italy, but now I go as a tourist. I'm not eating, breathing, being Italy. I'm just a tourist. Now I'm a teacher tourist. Oh well. So goes life. As a quote I really like says, "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming, 'WOW, WHAT A RIDE!!!'" Teaching has had its ups and downs, its thrills and disappointments, its bumps and bruises, but "Wow! What a ride!" What a ride!
So, today has been a bittersweet day. Today was my last official day as a teacher. I've been a middle school teacher, at the same school, for eight years now, plus I did my student-teaching at the same school. I love being a teacher, and I realize that I've spent more of my awake-time hours at school than anywhere else. And the bad thing is, I'm still thinking and talking about school when I come home. So pretty much 90% of my time has been dedicated to teaching. And now I am here, ready to begin a new chapter in my life. I am so excited to be a stay-at-home mom. As I told Hubs today, after today I'm an official stay-at-home mommy, and I love how that sounds coming out of my mouth. My dreams are really coming true! I know that this new chapter will be full of so many adventures, ups and downs, and wonderful moments and memories. But it's always hard for me to close the book on other chapters. As a child, my two favorite 'pretend' games were pretending to be a mommy and pretending to be a teacher. The stray cats in my neighborhood received the finest education you can get and would probably be Harvard graduates, if Harvard accepted felines. Teaching and being a mommy have always been my two big, must-have dreams. And I wish I could do them both right now, but I know in my heart, that I, personally, can't give 100% to being a teacher and 100% to being a mother. I don't have it in me. I'm the teacher who doesn't go home until 5:30 at night, and even then I leave feeling like there is so much more I need to do if only I had more time. And I want to be an awesome mom. I want to show my children the world and give them the world. I want to be that hands-on mom that other kids describe as "a little weird but cool." Maybe one day, when the kids are older, I'll come back to teaching. But as Robert Frost says so eloquently, "And yet knowing how way leads on to way/I doubted I should ever come back." Who knows where my road may lead. Maybe I'll finally become that professional writer. Maybe I'll go back to school and get a degree in social work and become a counselor. Maybe I'll become a professor at some local university. Who knows? Way leads on to way...
Last night I tried really hard to go into labor. I ran up and down the stairs. I ate spicy tamales. I gave Turkey pep talks. I really wanted to avoid having to do the last day thing. I'm terrible at good-byes, and I really wasn't sure I could do it. I am an emotional person as is. Add pregnancy hormones and it just gets messy! But this morning I woke up still pregnant, so I got out of bed and got ready for school for the last time. I wanted to make myself look beautiful, so that my students' last image of me could be of beauty, but the fact is I am 9 months pregnant. I look how I look and there's no energy to do much about it. =) I have to say that I did fairly well most of the day. There were a few tears here and there as I said good-bye to students and colleagues but not the torrential downpour I was fearing. The kids were really cute. Most of them thought I was crazy for being at school on my due date and were just afraid I would go into labor any minute. They wrote cute messages on my board, made me cards, and slipped me notes through out the day. There were a couple of kids who surprised me. One boy, kind of a class clown, waited until the rest of the class had left then gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks, Mrs. J for everything!" It all meant a lot to me. The whole day was really surreal to me though. I think I held it together by not believing it was really my last day.
After school was a different story. It started to sink in more and more as my colleagues and friends came to say good-bye. I entered in the last grade, erased my boards, cleared off my desk and made sure all was ready for the substitute, wrote a small message to my students on the board, and sent off a couple of last e-mails. Then it was time to shut down my computer. I kept looking at door and wondering if I was going to have the emotional strength to stand up and walk out that door. I didn't realize how hard it would be to let go of all of this. As I described it to a friend, it's like getting my right arm amputated. Suddenly I realize how much I used my right arm and how much I liked my right arm. And I feel all lopsided and awkward without it. And there's this empty spot where my right arm should be. I probably sat at my desk and just cried for over half an hour. Then I got up, collected my stuff, and walked out that door. Now I know that I'll need to go back to the school--at least to collect the rest of my stuff. And I'm hoping to keep in touch with people (many of my best friends are at that school), but the next time I go back (even if I go back next week), it's as a regular person, not a teacher. I'm out of that circle now. It's kind of like coming home from my mission. I've been back to visit Italy, but now I go as a tourist. I'm not eating, breathing, being Italy. I'm just a tourist. Now I'm a teacher tourist. Oh well. So goes life. As a quote I really like says, "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming, 'WOW, WHAT A RIDE!!!'" Teaching has had its ups and downs, its thrills and disappointments, its bumps and bruises, but "Wow! What a ride!" What a ride!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Reasons why my husband wins H-O-T-Y
Seven years ago, on November 8th, I met Hubs at a party that I threw for my roommate's birthday. Hubs was not on the invite list but found out about the party from some friends and came. Party crasher! But I'm glad he did because look where we are now!
In case you don't know what H-O-T-Y stands for, here it is: Husband-of-the-Year. So here are the top 10 reasons why my hubbie wins H-O-T-Y this year (and why he is in the running for D-O-T-Y, though I have to check the rule book and see if he can accumulate points before the kid is born):
10. I can wake him in the middle of the night, to rub my back when it gets sore, and he does it without a complaint.
9. Every morning he puts my socks and shoes on for me because I can no longer reach to do it myself. And not only does he do it with a smile, but he says it's one of his favorite things to do each day.
8. He spoils me rotten. In the past few weeks, he's brought me flowers (twice), jewelry, furniture (from an old-fashioned dressing table that is gorgeous to a new slider chair, he has really been spoiling me)...the list goes on and on. He sold his Harley months ago, his Jeep(s) has gone untouched for almost a year (which is a cardinal sin in his book), his truck is in need of some new parts, but I have everything I need/want.
7. He's working full-time, going to school, serving as Elder's Quorum president, constantly helping people out around the neighborhood, and everything else in his busy life but he still finds time to hold me and love me every day. And he works so hard to provide for me and our family without hesitation. Because of his hard work, I will be able to have my dream of being a stay-at-home mom.
6. He puts up with my ever changing moods and doesn't even notice the mascara stains on his shoulders anymore. And he's quick to forget the irrational hissing and spitting that comes from me some days.
5. He makes me laugh, even when I'm having a really crummy day. You haven't experienced funny until you see Hubs shimmying (he can really shake those hips!) across the kitchen or heard him sing along to 'Big Girls Don't Cry' on the radio!
4. He really listens to me. He jokes that he has learned the art of nodding and saying "uh-huh" at the appropriate times, but he really does listen to me and care about what I'm saying. And he listens to the baby too. He'll talk to Turkey and then put his ear up to my tummy to listen. He's going to be such a great daddy!
3. He builds me up. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I wake up with Chia-hair, raccoon eyes, and pillow lines across my face. He always believes in me, no matter how wacky or out-of-the-ballpark my dreams might be. He makes me want to be a better person.
2. He prays for me and expresses his love for me in his prayers. He strengthens my faith with his testimony.
1. He loves me unconditionally, undeniably, and without limits. Every day he does something that gives me just a glimpse into how infinitely deep his love is for me. I am amazed by his love.
What a guy! I don't know how I lucked out to get such a wonderful husband, but I'm definitely not going to him for granted!
In case you don't know what H-O-T-Y stands for, here it is: Husband-of-the-Year. So here are the top 10 reasons why my hubbie wins H-O-T-Y this year (and why he is in the running for D-O-T-Y, though I have to check the rule book and see if he can accumulate points before the kid is born):
10. I can wake him in the middle of the night, to rub my back when it gets sore, and he does it without a complaint.
9. Every morning he puts my socks and shoes on for me because I can no longer reach to do it myself. And not only does he do it with a smile, but he says it's one of his favorite things to do each day.
8. He spoils me rotten. In the past few weeks, he's brought me flowers (twice), jewelry, furniture (from an old-fashioned dressing table that is gorgeous to a new slider chair, he has really been spoiling me)...the list goes on and on. He sold his Harley months ago, his Jeep(s) has gone untouched for almost a year (which is a cardinal sin in his book), his truck is in need of some new parts, but I have everything I need/want.
7. He's working full-time, going to school, serving as Elder's Quorum president, constantly helping people out around the neighborhood, and everything else in his busy life but he still finds time to hold me and love me every day. And he works so hard to provide for me and our family without hesitation. Because of his hard work, I will be able to have my dream of being a stay-at-home mom.
6. He puts up with my ever changing moods and doesn't even notice the mascara stains on his shoulders anymore. And he's quick to forget the irrational hissing and spitting that comes from me some days.
5. He makes me laugh, even when I'm having a really crummy day. You haven't experienced funny until you see Hubs shimmying (he can really shake those hips!) across the kitchen or heard him sing along to 'Big Girls Don't Cry' on the radio!
4. He really listens to me. He jokes that he has learned the art of nodding and saying "uh-huh" at the appropriate times, but he really does listen to me and care about what I'm saying. And he listens to the baby too. He'll talk to Turkey and then put his ear up to my tummy to listen. He's going to be such a great daddy!
3. He builds me up. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I wake up with Chia-hair, raccoon eyes, and pillow lines across my face. He always believes in me, no matter how wacky or out-of-the-ballpark my dreams might be. He makes me want to be a better person.
2. He prays for me and expresses his love for me in his prayers. He strengthens my faith with his testimony.
1. He loves me unconditionally, undeniably, and without limits. Every day he does something that gives me just a glimpse into how infinitely deep his love is for me. I am amazed by his love.
What a guy! I don't know how I lucked out to get such a wonderful husband, but I'm definitely not going to him for granted!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)